ONE. Dave Nonis may be a smart guy, and has a debatable point on the underlying issue, but using Sidney Crosby to illustrate his beef with the CBA is laughable and absurd.

"Pittsburgh is going to put seven years of development money into him and he can leave when he's 25," Nonis told a B.C. Chamber of Commerce meeting.

Yeah, the Penguins are out-of-pocket for meal money and power skating lessons until Crosby gets up to speed. Whatever: Crosby is a gift from the heavens for the Penguins. Thanks to the CBA (most critically the rookie pay scale), even if Crosby does leave on July 1, 2012, the Penguins will have received services and economic benefits that exceed what they will have paid for them by tens of millions of dollars. Boo-hoo. (Visualize the televised draft lottery back in Summer '05, with all those GMs at their tables chatting with each other: "I almost hope we don't win; I'm pretty nervous about sinking all this development money into the kid.")

TWO. Nonis is right about the schedule, though. Back in January I looked at a minor tweak that at least would have each team play each other every year, and have each team visit your building every other year. As for the overall travel problem though, Dave: move the team to Hartford or let.. it.. go.

THREE. The most overrated and overanalyzed element of hockey is faceoffs. I finally did some back-of-the-envelope math about this, with some really round numbers and somewhat dodgy assumptions, but take a look.

One area where you can take a stab at the objective relevance of face-offs is on the PP/PK. Every PP begins with a faceoff; usually it's in the end of the team on the PK. Winning this faceoff generally means you get to set up immediately (if you're the PP team) or you clear the puck down the ice (if you're the PK team). I estimate this makes a difference of about 20 seconds. The other assumptions I've made for the purposes of this rough calc:

• Each team spends about 10 mins (600sec) on the PP and 10 mins on the PK each game
• 2 faceoffs per PP: 1 at the beginning (duh) and 1 somewhere in the middle (goalie covers puck, or it's deflected over the glass)

So, roughly, you're taking 10 faceoffs on the PP every game. Now, a superb faceoff team would be one that wins 60% of their draws. Since an average team wins 50%, that means the superb team wins one extra PP faceoff per game. As noted above, that translates to about an extra 20 seconds of actual or effective PP time.

The average NHL team last season, in their 600 seconds of PP time, scored 84 goals. An extra 20 seconds per game then (1/30th) should result in about 2.8 additional goals over the course of the season. That 2.8 Goals figure may look familiar to some of you; using Poisson, it's the number that equates to one point in the standings. Add a second point for the 2.8 goals saved on the PK, and my estimate is that a 60% faceoff team will gain two points in the standings off of the improvement in the 20/60mins per game spent on special teams.

My best guess for the effect of FO% at even strength is maybe a third point. Obviously, feel free to challenge my assumptions, but I'm pretty sure this is the order of magnitude we're looking at. (Last piece of evidence: if face-off prowess is really so important, I'd expect more teams to be paying for it. Yanic Perrault, who was the only guy in the league over 60% last season, just signed this weekend. Nashville, who was very good in the dot last season, let their top 3 F/O guys leave in the offseason: Perrault, Sillinger, & Greg Johnson.).

FOUR. Something's wrong with the Flames right now. Dennis is right; they got beaten convincingly last night, at home, by a team that's probably not going to make the playoffs. I don't believe, nor will I ever, that effort and desire are lacking, but "passion" visibly is. Is this the inevitable consequence of an atmosphere and motto of All Business? (God, is that link depressing.) I don't know yet, but I'm pretty sure if the 3rd/4th lines manage a total of 3 goals over the next 10 games like they did in the 1st 10, their record is going to be similar as well.

--------------

I may keep counting later...

• I'm looking to add some new sites to the blogroll. If people have any recommendations about quality hockey sites I should be adding, leave a link and a description in the comments, please.

• Avi has developed his own ranking system over at SportsMatters. Those pictures really creep me out.

• There was a great story in the New York Times on Sunday about the Oilers Hail Mary goal against the Coyotes last year. The story is behind the wall, but is well worth the sign up. One thing that caught my eye in the story was this statement by Craig MacTavish:

"[I had already] pulled the goalie with a minute left in the game to get an extra forward to attack. Generally, I pull him between a minute-30 and a minute left to go. Experience tells me that anything more than that ends up with a puck in your net."

It makes me wonder, is that actually true? It certainly would be good information to have, knowing the statistically best window of time to pull your goalie. But I don't know how you could get the information, since I don't think the NHL keeps track of when goalies leave the net, or extra-man, end-of-the-game goals.

• Anyone else notice that Jarret Stoll had seven points in four games last week?

• Anyone looking for a good hockey book to read should pick up Ballad of the Whiskey Robber : A True Story of Bank Heists, Ice Hockey, Transylvanian Pelts, by Julian Rubinstein. It's a hilarious but informative story about a man named Attila Ambrus, a goalie, bankrobber and folk hero in post-Communist Hungary. I'd be shocked if this book hasn't already been optioned in Hollywood. Make sure and grab a copy.

• Allan Maki properly identifies Edmonton as the hockey City of Champions in the Globe & Mail. It's just too bad that I wrote that story eleven months ago on SportsMatters.

The Flames host the Washington Capitals tonight at 7PM MST (RSN West). (Sidebar: the Mighty Ducks always got the grief, but "Capitals" is an extremely lame and stupid name for a team that doesn't have a "50-100 years of history" excuse, e.g.).

Good on Sacamano for highlighting Eric Francis' chit-chat with Darryl Sutter today. (Sidebar2: Francis got a decent bit of cred back with me when he was the only guy who wondered aloud what the hell was going on during the Sauve-Reinprecht fiasco, even though events have essentially proven Sutter right in that Sauve's career has bombed to the point where he was Phoenix's 4th option in goal on Opening Night.)

Here's what I think (I can feel you all on the edge of your seats here): about scoring, I think Sutter is right. When I look at the lineup (and having watched 60 odd games over the past 1.1 seasons), I don't see any reason why the Flames forwards can't score with most of the teams in the league.

The strange thing is this. There are all sorts of people who will say quite matter-of-factly that (A) the Flames can't be successful in high-scoring games, or (B) the Flames aren't built that way, or (C) variations and combinations of A&B. There is no one, as far as I know, who has taken this opinion (i.e. criticism) to the next logical step, which is, Why Is That?

The Flames' defensive capabilities, real or overrated, are a bargain. Near-unanimous Vezina Trophy holder for $3.3M. Robyn Regehr for ~$1.9M; he would have gotten 5+ as a UFA this offseason. Phaneuf for <$1M. Zyuzin was a good deal in July. Even Rhett Warrener at $2.3M is basically earning his money (when he's healthy) put up against the Hal Gill/Willie Mitchell contracts. Only Hamrlik is overpaid. The Flames' cap number is about $41.3M. So the question is, or ought to be if you think they can't Score & Win, why aren't you tearing GM Sutter a new one for cocking up the forward lineup so bad? It's not for a lack of money, or cap space. If you think the Flames' forwards aren't good enough to win anything without flawless defensive play and heroic goaltending by Kipper, then you think Darryl Sutter has screwed up big -- there's no getting around that.

Maybe he has, but I don't think so. I think this is the best crew of Flames forwards since Gilmour got traded. What I would like is for the Flames (coaching staff?) to remember that the "identity" that made them successful 2-3 years ago was not perfect defensive play and positioning, but speed and an physical, attacking mentality. You have a top 3 NHL goalie and a deep and solid defensive corps: the forwards should not be afraid to make a mistake. YAAWWWP.

Things are bad enough in FlamesLand that at least two people on the radio today were worried that the Flames would be in trouble with the Capitals -- the Washington Freaking Capitals -- if they didn't play their game to a Tee. Nonsense. The Flames can beat the Caps playing absolutely any style of game, and unless Kipper gets outplayed, they will. Call it 4-1 for the good guys (Lombardi x2, Kobasew, Hamrlik). Go Flames.

In the early days of this joint, it was so easy to pick on Flames superjournalist Eric Francis, that it was necessary for Matt to raise the white flag, and he issued this disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER
Although I am the Flames half of this web-log, I would like to announce this as clearly and strongly as possible:

I cannot, and will not, defend the meanderings and sentence fragments of Eric Francis on an ongoing basis.

Well, that sort of took the fun out of kicking the stuffing out of Francis every week, so I stopped reading him.

But today I happened across a beauty that I can't resist bringing to your attention. It really is a battle of wits, as "Eric Francis Interviews Speaks to Sutter."

I'll be honest, I haven't even read the thing yet. I've only read the rest of the headline, and already it ranks as a special article:

"Sutter's finger far from the panic button as GM defends his club's ability to score when skill guys on same page"

Oh man, do I ever love justifications that use the circular formula "X is good when/because X is good".

The humour potential in this baby is just too good to waste on a quick read. I want to pour two fingers of single malt, put on some tunes, and really enjoy it. And I want to make it clear that my excitement is not only a product of the fact that I think Francis is a preturnatural halfwit. In fact, to give the man his due, he is about the only guy in Calgary who never completely downed the entire jug of Sutter Kool-Aid. He even had the temerity to question some of Sutter's decisions in print. Hence, I'm just giddy in anticipation of which Francis will turn up for the conversation, and whether he will buy Sutter's inevitable assertion that the status quo is working just fine thank you very much.

Enough foreplay. Read and discuss.

I awoke Saturday morning, fully expecting to find a series of emails from those who were supposed to attend the Battle of Alberta/Covered in Oil street hockey game, all saying that they weren't going to be able to make it. It had snowed all night long, and it was a dreary late October day. In a week, Edmonton had transitioned from the hues of autumn into a Winter Not-So-Wonderland. Who, then, would want to come out and play some ball hockey?

Yet the emails I received were of a different sort. Are we still playing? Yes! It's Edmonton. Snow will not prevent us from playing. Bring some shovels to clean the rink. Dress warm. It's not that cold. Game on!

I arrived at the rink shortly after the appointed time, Pleasure Motors and Cosh in tow. I couldn't see other bodies, but I could see shovels and snow flying through the air. Fantastic! And then, when I entered the rink, I saw the water. Tiny puddles, medium sized puddles, and a pond. Water had been thrown out, but it just kept seeping back in. It wasn't going anywhere. Then again, neither were we. Not one word was uttered about fleeing the arena. I doubt anyone even thought about it. We were going to play, come Hoth or high water.

And so we played. We played, though the rink was like a golf course, littered with traps and hazards. In some places, the ball wasn’t just slowed by the water. It was actually floating in it, bobbing like an orange fish weight. The water itself became a defenceman, blocking passes and preventing shots. It also became a weapon, used to stall, blind and drench opponents.

And what of our protagonists? Well, Pleasure Motors was everywhere at once, helping out on defence and then quickly transitioning the ball up the rink for a pass or a scoring chance. He attacked the crease with reckless abandon, gaining himself a place in the tiny pantheon of Edmonton hockey lunatics: Anderson, Simpson, Smytty, and now, Berry. His hair was a wet mass of effort; when he pinballed up and down the rink, strands of hair snapped the sky like a Gorgon's. It was a masterful performance, fully deserving of a Three Star.

I, on the other hand, mostly stayed at home. The defensive zone was my abode, and I’d like to think I owned it. I was beat a few times, with dazzling dekes and spinaroos numbing my capacity to think. But my play was mostly solid, even Harvey-esque in its quality and dignity. I did in fact score three goals, but it wasn’t exactly a D-Vo special like I predicted. Rather, I scored them over a three game period. Yet I felt no shame in not getting the hat-trick I so desired. My body and my mind told me that, on that day, my role would be to prevent the scoring of goals, rather than being commited to the scoring of them.

And the other players on this inclement stage? Simply glorious. It was a day, as Cosh noted on the way home, where everyone had a moment of greatness, where all showed flashes of brilliance. The goalies made huge, breath-taking saves. The defencemen cut off lanes and made crisp outlet passes. The forwards danced, dangled and buried the ball. Spectators watched, taking tremendous pictures, tidying up our mess, and cheering us on.

It was, in short, an amazing day. I haven't had that much fun in a long time, even though my body is paying for it today. I really want to thank all who came out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Next time, we'll find a more suitable venue, get some more bodies, and it'll be even better than it was yesterday. And I hope that more of you can join us. Trust me, you won't forget it.

GOILOGOSPHERE!





Bottom (Left to Right): Sean (TB), Pleasure Motors, Ender (in goalie gear), Jeremy, Me, Aaron, Adrian (in goalie gear)

Top (Left to Right): Matt (not Fenwick), Allan's girlfriend, Allan, Daniel, Bobby, Darron, James

We're at home, so we win. Hell, we better win this game.

Prediction: 4-3 Oilers, in shootout. Horcoff, Lupul, Smyth. Fernando gets the go-ahead in OT, and Roli stones Ovechkin to win the game.

Out for the day playing street hockey. Let 'er go in the comments, people. It's your show today.

Ahhh, Firefox just crashed and lost my post about things like how David Poile is a tool, and now I'm out of time. Flames beat Nashville tonight 3-2 in their first ever home shootout win.

And speaking of shootouts, all the best to the street hockey players today in Edmonton. Grabia is calling his shot as a D-Vo Special, which I believe means predicting a hat-trick and then not scoring at all. Have fun everybody. And, Go Flames.

Friday Depressing Link: McCarty to auction Stanley Cup rings

Friday Fun Link: the audio trailer for 34 Years (~60sec), a new uh, romantic comedy, about the CFL and the Eskimos' now-dead playoff streak. Nice work by the Richards show on this one.

We are a go for the inaugural BoA/CoI Oilogosphere street hockey game in The City of Champions. Game time is tomorrow, Saturday, October 28th, 1 p.m., at the rink behind Lister Hall on the UofA Campus. We currently have around 15 men and women who are going to be playing, as well as an official photographer in Mr. Cosh. How hardcore are our players? Well, one fine gentleman who is in town from Chicago is even coming out to play! And no, it's not Dale Tallon looking for a first line centreman.

If you wish to balm the humiliating burn of the last two Oiler defeats, and are interested in playing, please email Pleasure Motors and me today. Addresses are coveredinpleasure@gmail.com, and andygrabia@gmail.com. As well, we openly encourage any puck bunnies, male or female, who just want to come down and watch the game, to do so. I've already set up my net and my targets, and have been practicing my snap shot. My performance tomorrow is going to be something that people won't want to miss.



Two other items for today. First off, can anyone tell me why Technorati is not pinging our site? I claimed our blog, it's on the Blogger listings, but yet Technorati says we haven't posted in over 300 days. I think we all know that isn't true. Any help would be appreciated. Secondly, I just have to note that when I read Cosh's post about the Coyotes selling their arena name to Jobing.com, I automatically assumed it was referring to the Biblical character Job. You know, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord hath taken away." I just assumed it was a clever new term to denote human suffering. For example, "the Great One is going to be Jobing it for the next five years in Phoenix." Turns out I was wrong--it's an employment recruitment company--but I think my heart was in the right place.

I still can't believe we lost to the Coyotes. It's like being swept by the Kansas City Royals, or beaten by the Washington Generals.

Record: 6-3-0		Record: 2-8-0
	Preview

Sorry. Blogger was down for a good deal of time today, and I was out scouting locations and buying equipment for the BoA/CoI street hockey game on Saturday.

Two teams who need to win, for very different reasons. Rock n' roll.

Prediction: 3-0, Oilers. Stoll, Lupul, and Smid.

There you go, Earl. Enjoy. I really don't think the Oilers played badly tonight. In fact, I think they played really well, outside of the crease. It was the goaltending that cost us this game. Six goals on eighteen shots. Roli looked bad from the very beginning. Big rebounds, not getting out on shots. Bad, bad, bad. Alex Hemsky was also driving me crazy with his refusal to take shots, but it didn't cost us anything. I thought Fernando Pisani looked great, in the time he had out there. He and Torres and Stoll were really dictating the play in the first. It seemed like they got less ice as the game went on, but I don't know if that is in fact true.

The best thing about this loss is that it was humiliating. Not for me, because I'm going to have to take it from Earl until mid-November, but for the Oilers. They should now be extremely motivated for tomorrow's game against Phoenix, which had the stench of upset all over it. Plus, Roli will now have to stew on his poor performance until Saturday, as Jussi will probably draw in against the Yotes.

Every goalie eventually has a bad game. I'd prefer it be early in the season rather than at the end of the year. An irritating loss because it happened against the Ducks, sure. But in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Hopefully.

**Overdue props: Lowetide is a fantastic, fantastic blog. There are about twenty hockey blogs that I would describe as excellent, but no others come close to LT on this count: the possibility that the last thing he posted is fascinating. His personal photo and print archive is obviously considerable, as is his recall of hockey days gone by (Steve Tuttle? YGBSM). He's also pretty damn funny.

Which reminds me, he retold this oldie-but-goodie (and much varied) joke a couple of nights ago, which made me howl so I'm reprinting it here. The Bobby Hull Joke About Minsk:

Man 1: Where you headed?
Man 2: Minsk.
Man 1: Minsk? Only things in Minsk are hookers and hockey players.
Man 2: My wife is from Minsk.
Man 1: What position does she play?

**As noted, I didn't shell out for the PPV last night, so I missed seeing not only a righteous thrashing by the Flames, but what in all likelihood was Mayor Quimby's last appearance in an NHL uniform:

The Phoenix Coyotes placed goalie Mike Morrison on waivers on Wednesday, less than 24 hours after a lopsided 6-1 loss to the Calgary Flames.

He is 0-3 in four starts with the Coyotes this season with a 6.13 GAA and .790 save percentage.

Quimby's SV% last season was .882; I just don't see that there's anything on his resume that would tempt another NHL team to take a flyer on him. The Grrrowl, on the other hand...

**Speaking of the Coyotes, credit is due to Tyler for his preseason prediction (15th in the W.C.). He used some cold, basic statistics (the whole series was riveting) to show that (A) they were average to poor in every element of the game last season, and (B) that the personnel changes they made -- or didn't make (CuJo) -- would probably make things worse.

A mini-rant on stats here: they are not the be all/end all. In terms of forecasting, they are helpful (an advantage) but they're far from perfect. I still like my own two eyes and gut feeling. (Example: Sens and Sabres. The underlying numbers say that Ottawa is and has been the superior team, but Buffalo had a better record for most of last season (the last 3/4) and beat Ottawa in the playoffs. Luck, maybe, but it looks to me like Buffalo is the better team, which is why I picked them to win the NE Division and the E.C.). But -- I don't think there's any doubt that statistical analysis is under-utilized by NHL teams and the hockey media.

Here's the thing: you can crunch and re-crunch numbers until your eyes go blurry and MSExcel crashes, and have reams of data on absolutely every player, team, and situation in the NHL. This does not prevent you whatsoever from considering less tangible things and giving them whatever weight you please.

I get the impression that some teams, GMs, writers, etc. think that too much stats might "infect" them. They are a freaking tool, and at times a darn useful one. Neglecting to make maximum use of them is a self-handicap, imposed on oneself or one's organization for no good reason.

**Guy Carbonneau, Fast Learner: "...Sergei Samsonov is on the fourth line with Steve Begin and Garth Murray." Next up: Jeff Friesen? (He, McCarty, & Richie were the only CGY fwds who didn't score a point last night).

**Go Flames.

Record: 6-2-0		Record: 6-0-2
	Preview

The biggest game of the year, by far. A matchup between the two representatives to the Western Conference Finals, two teams off to a very good start, and Chris Pronger's first game against the Oilers. This one is going to be a doozy.

Prediction: 6-3 Oilers. Sykora, Horcoff, Lupul (3), and Mägni Thöroson the Ëlectric Nörseman. I'm also going to predict that Mägni and Ketchup get into a tussle, Mägni hammers him with a blow that shakes Yggdrasil and awakens the Frost Giants in Niflheim, and Ketchup cries his way back to Daddy Carlyle .

GOILERS!!!

***Update*** Earl continues to wish he was an Albertan, over at the Battle of California.

Sorry to cut into Flames time, but I really have to let people in Canada know that they should keep an eye on The Score over the next 24 hours. They've done a segment concerning the tilt tomorrow between the Ducks and the Oil, and have interviewed a bunch of the Oilers about Chris Pronger. What is so surreal/absurd/insane about the whole thing is that Christie Chorley is the one doing all the interviewing. The questioning is all centered around why Pronger left, how the Oilers feel about him, and how they feel about family. Yet no one even bats an eye during their interviews with her. Not even the slightest "wink-wink." Everyone stays in character, dutifully playing along with the idea that this reporter is searching for answers to questions that haven't already been asked and answered. She also does the voice over commentary, and even talks about the "swirling rumours around Pronger's departure." But she never lets on that much of the swirling was occurring around her frame (wrongly, I should add). I don't know how I can possibly begin to describe the confused feelings it aroused in me. She conducted the entire segment without even the tiniest hint or admission that she was a part of the whole episode. Did I just witness an example of extraordinary journalism, or a visual lecture in postmodernism? Was she negating her involvement out of a desire to be objective, or because "Chris Pronger's Christie Chorley" is but an imitation of the "real Christie Chorley", and to recognize the copy only leads to a distortion and eventual destruction of the original? At this point, I really don't know the answer. But I'm pretty sure that Baudrillard would have had a field day watching that segment, considering the backstory behind it.

[LARGE PICTURE WITH DUBIOUS CONNECTION TO TONIGHT'S GAME AND/OR OPPONENT, WORTH A MINOR LAUGH]

So, I watched the 3-2 L to Boston last Thursday on the PPV (verdict: Charlie Simmer is pretty good if a bit unoriginal, Roger Millions is good overall but still uses the word "footrace" too often and focuses too much on the officiating). And you know what? For all the angst I heard on Friday morning ("Where's the effort? Where's the desire? 'Cause I didn't see it), I thought the Flames looked like the better team, and not just by a hair.

The vaunted puck battles, puck possession, zone play, etc. were all in the Flames favour. Also, Tanguay looked like the guy he's supposed to be, as did Kobasew, and Lombardi looked like the guy I've been saying he is since Sept.'05 or earlier. Iginla still hasn't looked as good all year as he did the first 5 shifts in the opener against EDM (where I was thinking, Oh Yeah, they may have the scoring depth, but we still have The Man), but he's still good even when he's not that good.

That said, losing to Phoenix at home tonight (in the absence of a ridiculous, huge performance by Quimby) would just about mean panic time, legitimately. It's fine to talk about how the boys look when it's Win Some Lose Some like last season, but Lose Most can't go on, and won't. (Fascinating possibility suggested at Five Hole Fanatics: Sutter speaks, not to call out the players but to call out the coach.)

I doubt we see a blowout win tonight over the Coyotes, but one that's convincing enough. I'm going to forego Millions & Simmer & $11.95 tonight in favour of Peter Maher & assembling baby furniture & karma. Let's say 3-0 (Iginla, Lombardi, Amonte). Go Flames.

After much discussion, Pleasure Motors and I have decided to coordinate an inaugural Oilogosphere street hockey game here in the City of Champions. Who loves you, baby! The date, as you see above, is this Saturday, October 28th. It' short notice, but Dave and I feel it is better to get some playing in before the really, really cold weather hits, and people make excuses to not show. Furthermore, we are both really stoked about playing. The sooner the better!

Alright then, this is the list of what we need before Saturday:

1) People. I would guess that 10 would be an ideal minimum, and 20 an ideal maximum. If people are interested in playing, please email Pleasure Motors at coveredinpleasure@gmail.com, and me at andygrabia@gmail.com. I think the best thing to do after that will be to set up a listserv, so we can easily email people about future games. Maybe even one of us will set up an Oilogosphere street hockey blog, and we can keep track of things on there. It would be fitting. Personally, I'd like to get to the point where we play frequently, and give out a Oilogosphere Champions trophy. That would be hot.

2) Time. We would suggest starting between 1 and 2 p.m., so as to allow the university students like PM time to recover from their hangovers, and the old geezers like me time to stretch out the groin properly. Let's throw around times in the comments until we get emails flowing.

3) Location. Central Edmonton is probably the best. PM and I are currently scouting out sites. I like schoolyards the best, because the area is enclosed by three walls, and cars can make a fourth wall. A top consideration right now is the Montessori school near 76th avenue and 106-107th street. I know a really good school over in the Ritchie area (I used to play there every weekend), but it may be a pain for people to get to without vehicles. Again, drop ideas into the comments.

4) Equipment. That would be nets, goalie equipment, balls, and sticks. Let's talk, and see what everybody has. I have a net, so that is one thing down. I also believe wholeheartedly in the tennis ball, but I'll let democracy reign.

5) Music. We obviously need pump-up tunes. I am more than willing to make some discs, and can play tunes from the car. A ghetto blaster may be a better alternative, however.


I think that is it, but please tell us if we are missing something. Oh yes, two more things. The first is to throw out the idea of watching the Oilers/Caps game somwhere together Saturday night, after we've had a hot rub and washed off the blood. Again, a central location would be ideal. If we had a set number, we might even be able to make reservations somewhere. Secondly, I'm assuming that most of us are over 18 and under 70, but people under and over those ages probably shouldn't come. I guess if you're a mature 17, or a nubile 73, an exception could be made, but I think the "can legally get into a bar and not fall asleep by 9 p.m." rule should apply here.

So again, email Pleasure Motors and I if you are interested in playing a street hockey game this weekend. Please email us by Friday, so that we can determine whether we will go ahead or not. Let us know if you would be interested in meeting to watch the game Saturday night, too (this may include people who can't make it to the street hockey game in the afternoon). And please, spread the word. Feel free to invite anyone who might want to play. They don't have to be frequenters of the blogs, per se, or even Oilers fans.

Game On!!!

Here is a list of Oilers prospects, and how they are doing on the year so far. I did not include junior players, college players, or prospects in Europe, and I left some guys in the minors off the list (Murphy, Sestito, Goulet, Radunske).

Edmonton Oilers
Brad Winchester: Games Played 8; Goals 0; Assists 1; Points 1; Plus/Minus +2
Patrick Thoresen: Games Played 8; Goals 2; Assists 4; Points 6; Plus/Minus +4
Alexei Mikhnov: Games Played 1; Goals 0; Assists 0; Points 0; Plus/Minus 0
J.F. Jacques: Games Played 0; Goals 0; Assists 0; Points 0; Plus/Minus 0
Matt Greene: Games Played 8; Goals 0; Assists 0; Points 0; Plus/Minus -1
Ladislav Smid: Games Played 8; Goals 0; Assists 2; Points 2; Plus/Minus +2

Wilkes-Barrie/Scranton Penguins
Kyle Brodziak: Games Played 5; Goals 3; Assists 1; Points 4; Plus/Minus +2
MA Pouliot: Games Played 4; Goals 0; Assists 2; Points 2; Plus/Minus -1
Rob Schremp: Games Played 6; Goals 2; Assists 3; Points 5; Plus/Minus +1
Tom Gilbert: Games Played 3; Goals 0; Assists 1; Points 1; Plus/Minus 0
Jeff Deslauriers: Games Played 3; Wins 3; GAA 1.67; SV% .937

Stockton Thunder
Troy Brodie: Games Played 1; Goals 1; Assists 1; Points 2; Plus/Minus +2
Tyler Spurgeon: Games Played 1; Goals 1; Assists 0; Points 1; Plus/Minus +1
Liam Reddox: Games Played 1; Goals 0; Assists 1; Points 1; Plus/Minus +1
Devan Dubnyk: Games Played 1; Wins 1; GAA 1.00; SV% .980

Hamilton Bulldogs
Mathieu Roy: Games Played 5; Goals 1; Assists 3; Points 4; Plus/Minus +2
Zach Stortini: Games Played 5; Goals 1; Assists 0; Points 1; Plus/Minus +1

Iowa Stars
Toby Peterson: Games Played 6; Goals 2; Assists 4; Points 6; Plus/Minus +5

Grand Rapids Griffins
Danny Syvret: Games Played 6; Goals 1; Assists 1; Points 2; Plus/Minus -3

Milwaukee Admirals
Bryan Young: Games Played 3; Goals 0; Assists 0; Points 0; Plus/Minus -3

My Questions:

• With Ethan Moreau potentially out for the season, who will eat up his minutes? Will it be Mikhnov or Jacques? Will it be someone in the minors? Or will Kevin Lowe now be forced to pull the trigger on a trade?

• Or, will they sign a free agent? Yannic Perreault, anyone?

• How is Rob Schremp really doing?

• Is Ladislav Smid going to be able to play this well all year?

• Do people still feel the Oilers need to trade for some defensive help?

If the Flames lose to a Phoenix team that:

• played last night
• have only 4 points in 9 games, and
  
• feature both Owen Nolan and Jeremy Roenick

can we officially call off the Battle of Alberta? Would it even be sporting to keep going?

And while I'm here: jeez does it ever suck that Ethan is out for the season. That's exactly the reason I don't punch people -- I just so afraid of dislocating my shoulder. I sure hope Traktor is the real deal.

And while I'm still here: a big helmet smack to kinger at always on the road for pointing me to a way to watch hockey outside of Canada. Faaaaantastic.

Adding to the work done at Covered in Oil and in Matt's post today, I want to throw my support behind CoI commentor Garnet's idea of giving Patrick Thoresen the nickname Magni Thoreson. Since in Norse mythology Magni is the "son" of "Thor", and we all spell Thoresen's name wrong anyway, I believe it is perfect. I mean, check out this pedigree and list of aptitudes:

Known Relatives: Thor (father), Amora (mother), Odin (grandfather), Loki (uncle).
Known Allies: Sif, Jordahl, Thialfi, Thor, Enchantress.
Known Enemies: Desak, Designate.

Intelligence: Above Normal.
Strength: Incalculable.
Speed: Superhuman.
Flight Speed: Unrevealed, probably Escape Velocity.
Stamina: Godlike.
Durability: Metahuman.
Agility: Superhuman.
Reflexes: Superhuman.
Fighting Skills: Moderate proficiency at hand to hand combat.
Special Skills/Abilities: None.
Superhuman physical powers: Aside from the above listed attributes, an extremely long life span and immunity to all Earthly diseases.
Superhuman Mental Powers: Control over his father's hammer, Mjolnir.
Special Limitations: None.
Source of Superhuman Powers: Magni is a member of the race of superhumans known as Asgardians which accounts for his physical attributes.
Personal Weaponry: Mjolnir.
Transportation: Flight or Teleportation.

Flight speed unrevealed, probably escape velocity? All the potential "Thundering Hit!" references? Sign me up! And look Alana, his stamina is superhuman. Squeeee!!!

---

• Let's start off with Magni. He looked like a veteran on a line with Pinto and Sykora. 3 assists, and over 14 minutes of ice time. And the guy went undrafted. Mindboggling.

• Shouldn't we start calling the Sykora-Magni-Pinto line the Oilers #1 line? 4 points for Sykora, 3 for Magni, and 3 for Pinto. The entire line made up the Molson Canadian Three Stars.

• The Pisani-Stoll-Torres combo looked solid, as well. Stoll and Torres both scored, and Pisani played his best game of the year. He didn't get any points, but he had his chances. If that line keeps playing that way, they are going to produce.

• Other than the brain-fart that allowed the Coyotes to score two goals, the Oilers controlled the play. The Coyotes actually played pretty well, but the outcome wasn't ever really in doubt.

• Curtis Joseph looked awful. Nuff said.

• Roloson faced 30 shots? Really? Huh. Could have fooled me. Seemed like 20, max.

• Mikhnov only played about 4 minutes. I looked at the shift chart near the end of the 3rd, and noticed he hadn't played since early in the 2nd. That didn't make any sense, especially since the Oile were up by three. No sooner had I checked, Traktor Boy was out on the ice. Turns out it was for about four seconds, then back on the bench. Damn you, MacT! Quit messing with my mind.

• Sportsnet showed a really interesting graphic during the game, highlighting the Oilers tendency to score in spurts this year. They scored two tonight in less than a minute. There was the three against San Jose in two minutes. And they've also done the same against the Canucks, the Avalanche and the Wings. I don't know whether it is a stat that reflects poorly on the team, or positively on the team, but I dont think it's insignificant. I need to track it all down, and have a look.

• Two for ten on the powerplay. Some great play, and some bad play. But the result is what matters. I guess. Pfft.

Interesting. Pierre Maguire just advocated eliminating head shots in the NHL. 2 minutes for unintentional, 4 for intentional, and a list that identifies players who habitually head hunt, similar to the diving list.

And before people start telling me that the game is too fast to ever properly penalize such things, I'll just point out that the NFL has similar penalties that punishes blows to the head, both on the line and in tackling. Intent is irrelevant.

Here it comes...

Be careful what you wish for, I guess. The criticism of the Flames I've heard on the radio over the past few days, while ample in quantity and volume, is right near brainless. If I have to hear another pair of jocks nodding in unison about how the Flames Need To Play To Their Identity, I think I'm going to barf. "Work on the powerplay, Reg" isn't exactly blinding insight, but at least it's supportable.

In '05/06, the Flames did tend to have more success in games with not much scoring than they did in games with lots of scoring. But like just about everything else about their stats, things are a lot less clear when you look at Home and Road separately.

Like, on the road, the Flames were 3-6-0 in games where 8 or more goals were scored: not impressive. But in games where 3 or fewer were scored? 1-4-2. Is that the proof that they can only win low-scoring games?

At home, the boys were a pretty awesome 13-2-3 in games with 3 or fewer. In games with 8 or more? A perfect 3-0-0.

I really don't know how to explain why the Flames have been so much worse on the road than at home over the past 1.1 seasons. Their SV% is a lot worse on the road, but that's not really a Why. Dave Rowe thinks it's a lack of effort. I think that's absurd. More tomorrow.


I want to throw in a nomination for Thoreson's nickname: "Gunnar". First -- it sounds vaguely appropriate for a hockey forward, with the shooting and so forth. Second -- there's a Norwegian element. And third -- well, a story:

In the summer of 1995, Sacamano and I worked with about three dozen other young men & women at a great camp at the U of C. Thanks to the hormonal/thirsty age and nature of the staff, there was plenty of after-hours socializing. Naturally, sometimes friends -- and significant others -- would be involved in the festivities.

So this nice young lady who will remain nameless brought her boyfriend Gunnar along for a camping weekend out in the Kananaskis. A bunch of us are playing some Frisbee game on the Saturday afternoon, including the aforementioned Gunnar, and we came to a startling and grisly discovery: the guy was so uncoordinated, he couldn't throw a Frisbee. At all.

The game dissolved quickly, as everyone was so uncomfortable with this. Sacamano is roughly speaking the nicest and least judgemental person in the world, and his take was (IIRC), "Who can't throw a Frisbee? Can't everyone older than 10 throw a Frisbee? How is this possible?"

As someone whose team will be facing Gunnar Thoreson dozens of times over the next few years, I'm thrilled to give him a nickname that denotes a comical lack of coordination. So shall it be.

[P.S. Gunnar's girlfriend found out not long after this no one wanted to hang out with him, or even stand too near to him, because he couldn't throw a 'bee. She was so mad/devastated by this reaction that she actually sobbed for most of a night, and was affected for the rest of the summer. Recalling this still makes me laugh. I'm going to hell.]

Record: 2-6-0		Record: 5-2-0
	Preview

***Afternoon Update*** TRAKTOR BOY IS IN!!! And he'll get playing time on the powerplay, too. Good God Almighty. Luckily I had sweatpants on when I read this.

• Georges Laraque returns to Edmonton. It's going to be hard watching him in that jersey. He better get a f**ing standing ovation, is all I have to say. He may not be able to play on this team anymore, but he gave his heart and soul to this community. I'd rather lose with Le GG than win with a lot of the clowns in this league (Bertuzzi, I'm looking at you).

• Before I go any further, I just want to brag about my son, who had 4 goals and 3 assists in his hockey game yesterday. Carry on.

• Ethan Moreau is out for a week with a dislocated shoulder. Either J.F. Jacques or Alexei Mikhnov will draw in. I think we all know who I'd like to see. I better wear my rugby pants tonight.

• Check out the title on this story: "GRETZKY & COMRIE TO RING PINK IN OCTOBER." Hmm.

• In addition to Le GG, Gretzky and Comrie, Curtis Joseph and Mike Morrison are ex-Oilers losing in Phoenix.

• People who know better than me have been salivating over Coyotes defenceman Zbynek Michalek. I'll be interested to see if he's as easily concussed as his brother.

• Owen Nolan: 8 Games Played, 1 Goal, 1 Assist, 2 Points. 06/07 Salary: $1.225 Million.

• Jeremy Roenick: 8 Games Played, 0 Goals, 1 Assist, 1 Point. 06/07 Salary: $1.2 Million.

• Fernando Pisani: 7 Games Played...he's hurt. Leave him alone.

• It's scary that the Coyotes only have four points in eight games. Even scarier, the Flyers only have three.

• I am impressed with the performance of "The Pack," however. It takes skills to dance on ice and avoid crushing your skull.

• The Coyotes are 25th on the powerplay, at 9.8%. The teams that are worse: Tampa, Detroit, Philadelphia, Calgary and Ottawa.

• The Coyotes are 26th on the penalty kill, at 77%. The teams that are worse: Calgary, New York Islanders, Tampa, Boston.

• The Coyotes are 30th in Goal Against Per Game, at 4.12. Edmonton is 5th, at 2.00. The Coyotes are 29th in Goals Scored Per Game, at 2.00. Edmonton is 17th, at 2.86.

• Even the Oilers should have some success on the powerplay. The only opponent the Coyotes haven't given up a powerplay goal to is the Blues.

• Check out a new Oilers blog called Always On The Road. The proprietor, Kinger, is making some fantastic YouTube Videos, including the MAB video that Cosh linked to, and the Hemmer Dangle versus Detroit. I imagine a solid market for an Oilers video blog, and so I hope Kinger keeps up the good work. It'll save me having to sort through YouTube all the time.

• How bad is Phoenix? So bad that not a single dork has created a Coyotes blog. Or does that speak to how bad the Coyote fan-base is? Actually, I found one blog, through MVP, but the last post is from September, and is about the host trying to find someone else to manage the site. That is some sad shit.

• Now that I note all this, the Oilers will probably lose.

Prediction: 13-2, Edmonton. Sykora (2), Lupul (2), Smytty (2), Torres, Horcoff, MAB, Staios, Stoll, Hemsky, Roloson.

It appears that Bobby Clarke will soon--finally--be gone. Too bad for Flyers fans it didn't happen eight years ago.

***Update*** Hitch and Clarke are gone, with Paul Holmgren in as GM. I feel bad for Hitch. He got a raw deal.

Fantastic game last night. I don't think the score indicates how lopsided this game was. Other than a flurry of shots in the 3rd, culminating in Jarrett Stoll's adherence to the Laws of Cartoon Physics and Datsyuk's dandy, the Wings didn't do a whole heck of anything. Other thoughts:

• MAB is going to seriously injure one of his teammates with his shot this year. He's turned into Boris Mironov. Jason Arnott better keep his head up.

• Are we at the stage where Chris Chelios is just allowed to do whatever he wants? Is there a separate Rule Book for him on the NHL webpage that I haven't stumbled across? I just want to know. The guy is literally hanging on to his career.

• That minute or so in the 2nd period where the Oilers just danced around in the Wings zone, ending in Hemsky's dipsy-doodling, was the most captivating minute of hockey I've seen all year. It was a cruel game of keep away.

• What was the motivation for Chopper going after Markov like that at the end of the game? Was it Markov's hit on Stoll? Moreau definitely went out his way to instigate something with Markov. Reasoner was already deep in the zone, so there was no need for him to join him behind the net.

• The penalty kill continues to look impenetrable. One goal given up in thirty-six chances, if you take out the San Jose game. Four in fourty-six, if you don't.

• The Oilers powerplay is 0-19 in the last three games, 1-25 in the last four. Two shots in five PP attempts tonight, as well as two missed shots. But the Calculators tell me I have to wait until the 42nd game before I can say it actually sucks, so I guess I'll reserve judgement until then.

• I was glad to see that the two third period goals came from the transition last night. More, please.

• Will the Sabres lose a game this year? 8-0 to start the year. 37 Goals For (4.88 Avg/G), 22 Goals Against (2.75 Avg/G). And ex-Flame Chris Drury already has 9 goals. Let's take a look at that series of trades, by the way.

Jul 3, 2003: Buffalo Sabres traded Steve Reinprecht and Rhett Warrener to the Calgary Flames for Chris Drury and Steve Begin.
Feb 1, 2006: Phoenix Coyotes traded Brian Boucher and Mike Leclerc to the Calgary Flames for Steve Reinprecht and Philippe Sauve.

Well done, Darryl. Well done.

Next up, Le GG's return. GOILERS!!!

I'd like to join the chorus in welcoming Southeast Shootout to the fold. They have a strong opening lineup including Cason of Casonblog, JP of Japers' Rink, and the Falconer from Do Thrashers have Large Talons, as well as two newcomers(?) in Ching Ning Ming for the Lightning and El Mojito for the Panthers. They also have a killer tagline ("Come for the Weather -- Stay for the Hockey"). That pretty much nails the demographic profile of the Southeast division fanbase, doesn't it (i.e, Canadian Cottontopped Snowbirds). Too bad it doesn't apply to their players. Of course, maybe that's not such a bad thing if you're a Canes fan.

Record: 3-3-1		Record: 4-2-0
	Preview

We're gonna win, because KISS say so. SHOUT IT OUT LOUD! ALL RIGHT, EDMONTON!!!



Prediction: 4-1, Oilers. Thoresen, Smith and Pisani (2).

I can't handle the space between these games. It's killing me. Whatever happened to the old "every two days" schedule? First it was six days, now four. I'm dying for some Oilers hockey here, people! Speaking of, does anyone play in a league requiring a body? Ice, street, ball, tabletop...any hockey will do (street hockey is my personal fave, I must say). I just want to start playing regularly again. So if anyone needs a completely out of shape, arrogant loud mouth with a dynamic combination of upper body strength and low centre of gravity on their team, just let me know.



Sub-question: isn't street hockey the game's purest form, now that pond hockey has pretty much disappeared? There must be a dissertation in there somewhere, on the transformation of Canada from an agrarian to an urban society, based on the demise of pond/outdoor hockey and the rise of the suburb/indoor hockey.

Big week in Oil Country coming up. One game against a team we embarrassed in the first round last year, two against Wayner, Comrie, Le GG and the atrocious Coyotes, one against Christie and the Ducks (who we embarrassed in the thrid round), and one against Alexander the Great, Semin (tee hee), and the rest of the Capitals AHL roster. It's too bad that the Ducks game isn't in Edmonton this week, if only because it would make the contrast in how Georges and Pronger are received that much more startling. But a game is a game, and it will be interesting to see how the Oilers match up with the Ducks.

Date	Opponent	Record	GDif	GDif/GP	Location
Saturday	Detroit	3-3-1	1	0.14	Home
Monday	Phoenix	2-5-0	-13	-1.86	Home
Wednesday	Anaheim	4-0-2	5	0.83	Away
Thursday	Phoenix	2-5-0	-13	-1.86	Away
Saturday	Washington	2-1-3	0	0	Home

The Oilers are 3-0 at home, and 1-2 on the road. Their Goal Differential is 4, for a 0.67 Differential Per Game Average. I see no reason why they can't win at least three, maybe four of these games, although Detroit is better than they look on paper. They've faced some tough opponents to start the season. Then again, what team in the Western Conference hasn't?

The schedule doesn't get any easier, so the Oilers need to fine tune their game and eat up some points over the next seven days. Make it happen boys!

There's some competition for this one:

• (A) there's a team with a negative goal differential on the powerplay, and (B) it's the Ottawa Senators (1 PP GF, 2 SH GA)
• The Canadiens have a zero goal differential on the PK (3 GF, 3 GA)
• A Chicago Blackhawk is leading the league in +/- (it'll be interesting to see how the Hawks do once Havlat goes on his annual suspension for junk-kicking)

But this is the one that I found the most remarkable so far: in Anaheim's shootout loss to Dallas on Sunday, they had 3 defensemen who played more than 30 minutes (S. Niedermayer, 30:45; F. Beauchemin, 30:44; C. Pronger, 30:02).

I don't ever remember seeing that in a regular season game. It was a 65-minute game, mind you, and Dallas had 11 PPs, so you'd expect to see the TOI of your top D-men to be torqued, but 30+ for three guys, and in the 5th game of the season when you're 3-0-1? Good grief.

The Flames finish their 4-game roadie through the NE Division tonight against Boston (5PM MDT, Flames PPV). The Bruins are T-29th in the Overall Standings right now. That's bad, and I don't expect them to be a good team, but their 3 points in 5 games were all on the road; tonight is the B's home opener. New Bruin Zdeno Chara (pictured at left) is leading the team in scoring with 5 points, all assists.

I've been messing around with a few numbers, and I'm going to take back some of my post-game comments from Tuesday. I stand by what I said about the coach: he needs to, I think, sound like he's been there before better, and I assume that will come. Projecting calm is only laudable if you're also projecting confidence. I also think he still talks to the media too much like an AC (overly technical) and uses too much MBA-sounding, jiko-konri bullshit jargon (e.g. the players "investing" in this and that).

But looking more at the numbers, I'm just as confident as I was last (gruesome) October that the Flames and their record will come around.

At EV, the Flames have 9GF and 7GA. This is a goal differential of about +0.5EVGD/60. That ain't bad, especially with 4/6 on the road; projected through a whole season that's roughly a +28 ES GD, which puts them firmly in the upper tier of the league, provided that special teams and shootouts are anywhere near a wash. Which brings me to:

The Flames' special teams have been laughably bad so far. You knew that already, but they have been, statistically speaking, not only improbably bad but unsustainably bad.

Start with the PK: they have 1 SH GF and 9 PP GA. Based on time spent on the PK so far, that's a PK GD of -8.07/60. Halfway through last season (last time I did detailed calculations), the league average was -6.03/60, and the worst team in the league was Atlanta at -7.64/60 -- that's Atlanta, who at that point had started 5 goalies including Adam Berkhoel and Steve Shields. There is zero chance that Calgary will maintain a spot at the bottom of the PK rankings for the whole season; the worst case scenario is probably the middle. In short: the Flames are somewhere between 1 and 3 goals worse on the PK this year than you would expect based on full-season rates.

The PK, however, is minor lousiness compared to the PP. In 66:24 of PP time so far this year, the Flames have 3 PP GF and 2 SH GA. That's a PP GD of +0.90/60. Once again, halfway through last season, the PP team had a GD of +6.03/60 against the PK team. To quote a relatively well known stats guy on the internet,

I think it's safe to say that things are going to get significantly better on the PP and there's no point getting concerned about it at the moment - PP's aren't this bad, period.

It's certainly possible that the Flames will have a below average PP. It's hard to project these things based just on the lineup card (last mid-season, the worst PPGD in the league belonged to the Lightning at +4.07/60; they surged and finished 23rd in the NHL in PP%). But based just on a poor full-season rate, the Flames should be at least 4 goals better on the PP so far this season.

These early-season struggles on special teams could be based on a lot of factors, but there's really no way that the most important one has been anything but Luck.

Tonight, Calgary will be playing the role of Bob Barker, reflected on the scoresheet as a 3-1 Win. Go Flames.

My Answer: Yes.


My Answer: Oh God, yes.


My Answer: I can admit it now: probably.


My Answer: Nope.


My Answer: Yes.


My Answer: Surprisingly, mostly no. The Lindros one is for sure a no.


Discuss.


*I wanted to add the actual hitting guidelines from the NHL Rulebook, but their PDF isn't allowing me to copy and paste text. Those guys can't do anything right.

**Pad tap to Doogie for finding most of these clips.

Tap of the shinpads to Odd Man Rush for uncovering this one. Really, there isn't much else to say. Just. Strange.

I don't know if I've ever been so frustrated by a win. 20 shots on net. 0-8 on the Powerplay. Skykora only playing 12 minutes, MAB playing almost 22. Cukoo I be. Cukoo. I've decided I'm going to start calling Craig Simpson Derek Zoolander, for obvious reasons.

The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

I'm going to guess we average less than 2 shots per Powerplay. Anyone want to check that for me? Anyone want to check what good Powerplays are averaging, and email it to me? For good measure, here is the Play-By-Play for all 8 Oilers Powerplays:

Powerplay 1: Short 5-on-4
11:33 PENALTY EDM - 19 REASONER, Hooking, 2 min
11:33 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - offensive zone. VAN 22 SEDIN vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
12:08 HIT EDM SH 34 PISANI
12:33 BLOCKED SHOT EDM SH 2 GREENE
12:48 PENALTY EDM - 2 GREENE, Holding, 2 min
12:48 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - offensive zone. VAN 7 MORRISON vs EDM 16 STOLL
12:59 STOPPAGE N/A - Puck in Netting
12:59 MISSED SHOT VAN PP 38 BULIS, Over Net
12:59 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - neutral zone. VAN 7 MORRISON vs EDM 16 STOLL
13:10 SHOT VAN PP 2 OHLUND, Slap, 56 ft
13:18 BLOCKED SHOT EDM SH 16 STOLL
13:34 PENALTY VAN - 38 BULIS, Hi-sticking, 2 min
13:34 TAKEAWAY EDM SH 10 HORCOFF
13:34 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
13:44 GIVEAWAY EDM SH 5 SMID
13:50 HIT EDM SH 24 STAIOS
13:59 GIVEAWAY EDM SH 94 SMYTH
14:12 MISSED SHOT VAN PP 9 PYATT, Wide of Net
14:42 BLOCKED SHOT EDM SH 71 SYKORA
14:52 GIVEAWAY EDM EV 2 GREENE
14:53 STOPPAGE N/A - Referee or Linesman
14:53 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - neutral zone. VAN 17 KESLER vs EDM 71 SYKORA
15:48 TAKEAWAY VAN EV 25 GREEN
Result: O Goals, 0 Shots on Net

Powerplay 2
17:11 PENALTY VAN - 26 SANTALA, Hooking, 2 min
17:11 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - defensive zone. VAN 17 KESLER vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
17:43 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 94 SMYTH
17:57 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 94 SMYTH
17:59 SHOT VAN SH 2 OHLUND, Slap, 160 ft
18:25 STOPPAGE N/A - Icing
18:25 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - defensive zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 94 SMYTH
18:37 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 14 TORRES
Result: O Goals, O Shots on Net, 1 Shot Against

Powerplay 3: Interrupted by Intermission
19:34 PENALTY VAN - 19 NASLUND, Hooking, 2 min
19:34 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 94 SMYTH
19:51 SHOT EDM PP 83 HEMSKY, Wrist, 16 ft
19:59 HIT VAN SH 6 SALO
00:00 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 94 SMYTH
00:16 TAKEAWAY VAN SH 32 CHOUINARD
00:32 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 15 LUPUL
00:33 STOPPAGE N/A - Offside
00:33 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 25 GREEN vs EDM 94 SMYTH
00:54 TAKEAWAY VAN SH 8 MITCHELL
01:36 STOPPAGE N/A - Icing
Result: O Goals, 1 Shot on Net

Powerplay 4
01:53 PENALTY VAN - 19 NASLUND, Hooking, 2 min
01:53 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 7 MORRISON vs EDM 19 REASONER
02:42 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 30 MARKKANEN
02:45 SHOT (!) VAN SH 25 GREEN, Wrist, 26 ft
02:51 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 16 STOLL
03:19 STOPPAGE N/A - Offside
03:19 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 7 MORRISON vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
04:09 HIT (!) EDM EV 24 STAIOS
Result: O Goals, O Shots on Net, 1 Shot Against

Powerplay 5
07:43 PENALTY VAN - 26 SANTALA, Holding, 2 min
07:43 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - defensive zone. VAN 25 GREEN vs EDM 94 SMYTH
08:07 GIVEAWAY VAN SH 35 SABOURIN
08:13 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 47 BERGERON
08:43 MISSED SHOT EDM PP 16 STOLL, Wide of Net
08:52 TAKEAWAY EDM PP 15 LUPUL
09:08 SHOT EDM PP 83 HEMSKY, Snap, 42 ft
09:27 HIT VAN SH 5 KRAJICEK
09:42 MISSED SHOT EDM EV 24 STAIOS, Wide of Net ***(Time indicates PP shot, though marked as EV shot)
Result: O Goals, 1 Shot on Net, 2 Missed Shots

Powerplay 6: Overlaps with Penalty 7, Brief 5-on-3
17:10 PENALTY VAN - 17 KESLER, Tripping, 2 min
17:10 FACE-OFF N/A - VAN won - neutral zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 94 SMYTH
17:58 BLOCKED SHOT VAN SH 2 OHLUND
18:12 SHOT EDM PP 15 LUPUL, Snap, 23 ft
18:39 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 71 SYKORA
18:50 STOPPAGE N/A - Offside
18:50 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 33 SEDIN vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
19:05 MISSED SHOT EDM PP 71 SYKORA, Wide of Net
19:07 PENALTY VAN - 5 KRAJICEK, Hooking, 2 min
19:07 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 10 HORCOFF
19:07 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 16 STOLL
Result: O Goals, 1 Shot on Net, 1 Missed Shot, 1 Blocked Shot

Powerplay 7: Overlaps with Penalty 6, Interrupted by Intermission
19:07 PENALTY VAN - 5 KRAJICEK, Hooking, 2 min
19:07 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 10 HORCOFF
19:07 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 16 STOLL
19:17 MISSED SHOT EDM PP 15 LUPUL, Wide of Net
19:35 BLOCKED SHOT VAN SH 32 CHOUINARD
00:00 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - neutral zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 19 REASONER
00:40 SHOT EDM PP 29 TJARNQVIST, Slap, 56 ft
01:01 SHOT EDM PP 19 REASONER, Tip-In, 10 ft
Result: O Goals, 2 Shots on Net, 1 Missed Shot, 1 Blocked Shot

Powerplay 8
10:35 PENALTY VAN - 24 COOKE, Interference - Goalkeeper, 2 min
10:35 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. VAN 32 CHOUINARD vs EDM 19 REASONER
11:13 SHOT VAN SH 8 MITCHELL, Wrist, 158 ft
11:38 SHOT EDM PP 94 SMYTH, Wrap-around, 9 ft
11:41 STOPPAGE N/A - Goalie Stopped
11:41 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. VAN 25 GREEN vs EDM 10 HORCOFF
12:09 TAKEAWAY VAN SH 2 OHLUND
Result: O Goals, 1 Shot on Net, 1 Shot Against


Total Results, 14:41 Powerplay Time: O Goals, 6 Shots on Net, 4 Missed Shots, 2 Blocked Shots, 3 Shots Against

Tuesday Night Update: MC does some of the work for me:

"That the PP has sucked is backed up by their shots: they're at just 27.7 PPS/60 right now; last year's team was getting 48.8 PPS/60. The worst team in the league last year in this regard was LA; they were at 42.14 PPS/60."

Wednesday Morning Update Woo, baby. Dan Barnes has some choice words this morning. And again, as is so much the norm with sports writers in this city, a fecal reference appears.

"If this is a trend rather than a funk, the Oilers will need new press clippings.

Because the previous batch extolling their obscenely deep, three-line offensive attack guaranteed to produce an endless supply of goals this season are best left at the bottom of Polly's cage for now. That way, the Oilers will be forced to stop reading them, or at least get their noses dirty doing it.

And that looks to be one of their biggest problems. Some of them apparently forgot who they are, or more precisely, how they need to play the game. And all these wins aren't helping them remember.

So there they are, six games into their offensive landslide and they have 17 goals. Big whoop. That's not exactly going to scare anybody in the new National Hockey League, where even the ugly guys score. Did they read all that glowing prose about their sparkling offence and start to believe they'd inherit goals by divine right rather than working hard and smart enough to make it happen every night?"

[Updated extensively at bottom]
If you're in range and it ain't too late: buy the Flames-Habs PPV game.

En-too-siasm.

Regehr hit on Downie: judging by the best replay of the whole scene (the angle from behind Huet), it looked not only legal, but fair: no charge, no changing his posture at the last minute so that his shoulder 'accidentally' caught Downie right under the chin, just an explosion.

Hate to be the refs right now; between that and the Habs SH breakaway opening goal off a non-call, they have a lot to worry about.

Also, I don't want to get ahead of myself (I've been doing it in this respect for 13 months on this site), but Lombardi obviously shows flashes of #1 centre-hood. May be back after 40.

After-game update: Braaahh. This is looking too much like early last season. Worse (for me), although the results are slightly less bad, I feel marginally less confident. Recall the similarities to last October:

• Horrible, horrible special teams -- dunno how it ended (2 PP goals tonight), but the Flames started the game 30th in the league on the PP. At one point tonight, they had killed 1 of 4 penalties successfully. (Last season, they had the incredible distinction -- at approx. the 1st int. of G4 -- of being 5% on the PP and 50% on the PK.)
• Kipper not looking bad, exactly, but having awful numbers -- that's 5GA two games in a row (last season it went 5-1-6-7 over the 1st four, IIRC)
• Ugly record -- the lads are now at 2-3-1, 4/6 on the road. Last year they started 1-3 (on the road) and were 4-7-2 in October (9 games were on the road, record 2-6-1).

Marginally less confident, though, because of the rookie coach who I don't think has figured out his way yet. I'm quite sure he knows his hockey just fine -- he's plenty smart -- and is able to adjust, or will certainly figure it out quick. But this anecdote from the Sun (RTWT, I don't want to accidentally misrepresent) demonstrates poor judgement:

Then the Montreal media piped up.

They said Tanguay is having trouble learning the new system.

"That's too bad, huh?" replied the Calgary Flames head coach.

They asked how long will it take for Tanguay to adapt.

"It's taken five games and I don't think it should take any more," answered Playfair, who has had to deal with a similar line of questioning more than a few times back home.

Hey, you know what Coach? I have no idea if Tanguay has been working hard enough, or just needs some bounces, or whatever. Tonight was the sixth game of the season -- I'm not panicking.

What I DO know that the quoted bit above makes you sound like you have a lot smaller sack than your boss. It also makes you sound like you didn't learn from one of your boss's biggest strengths, which was (for the most part) knowing which guys to call out at what times, and for what purpose.

Memo to Coach Playfair: Alex Tanguay has been an effective scorer and even-strength player for virtually his entire career. Hell, I'll throw in here that Jarome Iginla has 2 Richard Trophies and 1 Art Ross. Again, I'm not settling conclusions based on 6 games, and players have slumps. But hear this: over the next couple of months, if Iginla and Tanguay aren't scoring, It's Not Them, It's You.

So, anyway, fun game tonight! Habs looked about 41 times better than they did in Calgary last season. Late.

Bob McKenzie is reporting that the Russian hockey club Yaroslavl has filed a lawsuit against the two NHL teams from Alberta, as well as the NHL, over the signing of Alexei Mikhnov and Andrei Taratukhin. This story will probably get bigger, as it will likely fan out into Metallurg doing something about losing Malkin, and we will all end up knowing way too much about the minutiae of Russian law.

I am intrigued by the fact that both Calgary and Edmonton went through all the effort to get these guys over here, and neither has played a single minute in the NHL. Seems like alot, for naught.

The Flames visit Les Habitants de Montreal tonight at 530PM MDT. The telecast is on PPV, and will be my first taste of that crew this season. I understand Jim Peplinski has "retired" as the analyst, but I haven't heard who the new guy (or girl!) is; regardless, it should be an improvement.

On that same topic: I've caught three of the five games so far this season on the radio only, but pretty much in their entirety. It pains the hell out of me to say this (hence the numerous qualifiers that follow), but Peter Maher seems to have declined noticeably as a play-by-play man.

His analysis, or rather reporting, is still just fine. It's not the same as (to pick the obvious example) Don Cherry, where the pet theories, hobbyhorses, and whatever else have become larger than the active part of his brain. But the PbP is suffering.

I don't want to go through a laundry list, but take the single element that is "game score". During Monday's debacle against the Sharks, Maher announced or otherwise referred to the score of the game incorrectly three times in the last two periods. Not five minutes after the overtime conclusion of the Leafs game, he mentioned that the Flames had lost 5-2. These are things that might have happened once every ten games when I was younger.

Peter Maher is being honoured by the HHOF next month, and the honour is richly deserved. He's been awesome for 25 years. I hope whatever happens over the next few doesn't diminish that.

Anyway, back to Les Hommes de Carbonneau. For all my Canadiens analysis, I go to Jeff at Sisu, and here's what he had to say about Les Habs pre-season:

Montreal 95

I hesitate to place these guys in this neighbourhood. It doesn't seem right. However, they are pretty much the same team as last year plus Samsonov. Even if goaltending disappoints it can't be worse than the Theodore fiasco. With several competitors getting worse, I have no choice but to place them 6th.

That sounds OK. I'm probably less negative about Montreal's EC competition (relative to Montreal), but I can't see their team goaltending being any worse than "slightly above average", so it probably evens out.

The game is the first of back-to-backs for Montreal. Huet is on my fantasy team, so naturally, he's starting against the Flames where I'm forced to wish him ill, while Aebischer starts against the Hawks in the meaningless-to-me game the next night.

And wish him ill, I will. I think Lombardi and Tanguay are going to light him up, resulting in a 5-2 Calgary victory. It's time for a bit of a tear: the schedule over the next two weeks (and really, even the four weeks after that) is pretty favourable. Go Flames.

Record: 3-2-1		Record: 3-2-0
	Preview

I must admit, I missed most of last night's game. I saw the last 8 minutes, maybe. So I'll let you all tell me what the hell happened.

So...what the hell happened?

Record: 3-1-0		Record: 2-2-1
	Preview

"Turn Up The Good, Turn Down The Suck."
• I would be more excited about the 3-1-0 start, if that wasn't similar to how the Oilers started off last year. They then proceeded to lose seven games in a row, including the Game That Must Not Be Mentioned. So while I'm optimistic, I'm not yet comfortable with putting us anywhere near the pick of the litter.

• Saturday night, during the 3rd period against the Avs, Greg Millen made a remark about "this being the Oilers team we've come to expect." Or something like that. His point was that the Oilers were skating, creating chances, and scoring. My objection to his point is that it didn't encompass enough of last night's game, because from where I was watching, everything about the game against the Avs was Oilers hockey: a letdown after a big win, no sense of urgency, an awful second period, a predictable and mostly ineffective powerplay that somehow still ekes out a goal, and a whirlwind of effort and intensity at, and only at, the moments when it is absolutely required. My point is that the Oilers still have a lot of bad to go with the good Millen mentioned. Last night, we saw a lot of the bad.

• At one point near the end of the 2nd on Saturday, my girlfriend uttered, "are they drunk?" I couldn't really disagree with her. Besides Roli and Lupul--who looked fantastic defensively, I might add--the Oilers looked like competitors at the Twit Olympics. And they're off!! No...no they're not. Yet they somehow turned it around, won the game, and at their highest points left me once again thinking, "why, exactly, can't they play like this all the time?"


"No Doubt. They're Well Known Homosexuals."
• The Sedins are playing with Naslund on The ABBA Line, The IKEA Line, or whatever the hell you want to call it (personally I like The Cream Line, except for the fact that none of them can pound it out like Ginger Baker). But who the hell else can score on this team?

• Roberto Luongo looked shaky against the Sharks. Here's hoping it continues.

• Mudcrutch has done an excellent analysis of the Canucks. So too has Chris! at Covered in Oil.

• Canucks Op Ed and Canucks Hockey Blog will have all the angles from the Canucks end, and I'm sure Tom Benjamin will call Kevin Lowe the anti-Christ sometime tomorrow.



"Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude."
• Am I correct in stating that every single game the Oilers have played this year has been an 8:00 p.m. start?

• Is an injury preventing Traktor Boy from drawing in, or is MacT trying to shatter my confidence? I'd like to see him out on the PP. I think he can do some major damage coming out from the corner. With time, Joe Thornton-like damage.

• What the hell is the deal with Jussi Jokinen and shootouts? And do his goals, which don't count as actual goals, count as game winners in fantasy leagues?

• Shout outs to The Drizzler, Loxy, and all the Oil fans keeping it real at The Black Frog in the Couv.

• This used to be my favorite matchup for the Oilers. Speed, hitting, and two teams that didn't really like each other. With all the turnover on both rosters, I am curious to see if the rivalry will have the same heat.

Prediction: 3-2 Oilers. Smyth, Torres and Pisani.

Record: 2-1-0		Record: 1-0-2
	Preview

• Hmm. Anyone else feel a post-comeback-victory stinker approaching?

• Colorado hasn't played a game since last Sunday againt the Canucks. So either they are really rested, or realy rusty. Expect a CBC announcer to determine a causal relationship, despite the fact that none exists, depending on how the Avalanche play. Then again, I just suggested one for the Oilers, so I should probably shut up.

• Roli has stopped 83 of 90 shots on the year, and has a nice .916 Save Percentage, 15th in the NHL. But four other goalies above him have only played 2 games on the season, and three of those are either #1B or #2 on their teams (Aebischer, Emery, Dunham). He certainly doesn't make me pine for the good ol' days of Conkannen. I imagine he draws in tonight and Tuesday against the Canucks, and Jussi plays Monday.

• San Pisani is due. No points, and only three shots on the year.

• I've only seen the two games, but Tjarnqvist and Smid seem to be holding their own.

• The Oilers are 6th in the NHL on the Powerplay (27.8%), and 9th on the Penalty Kill (88%). I'm stunned. Colorado actually hasn't given up a powerplay goal all year, in 12 attempts against.

• Ales Hemsky is currently averaging 4 PIM a game, and 1PT a game. He is leading the team in +/-, however. Make of that what you will. I certainly can't make anything of it.

• Jerseys and Hockey Love and Colorado Avalance Blog, the two Aves blogs I know of, are both relatively silent. Six days off will do that. I did find out that Brad May has his own website, however. I always find it interesting that hockey tough guys have web pages where their humanitarian activities are listed right beside a picture of them turning some guys face into pudding. And check out the Hocky Cats who dance. The Mike Commodore is particularly inspired.

• Oh, and if you have several free hours to kill, check out Java Geek's post on faceoffs. It's very good. I'm still recovering from this piece of poetry:

Σ FOai* pa2 = Σ FWai*pa2+ Σ FWai*pb2
Or
Σ FOai* pa2 – Σ FWai*pa2 – Σ FWai*pi2 = 0
The nice thing is that this is equivalent to:
– Σ FLa*pa2 + Σ FWai*pi2 = 0

Well, duh! Yeats, eat your heart out!

Prediction: 7-3 Oil. Sykora (2), Lupul, Pisani, Horcoff, Moreau, and Staios.

Two things about this Red Wings/Sabres game tonight.

1) Can anyone explain to me why Joe Louis is always half-empty? I thought it was "Hockeytown, U.S.A.".

2) I see that TSN has agreed with my assertion that hockey broadcasting is stale ane boring, and are attempting to mix things up by moving Pierre Maguire out of the broadcast booth, and down to ice-level for the entire game. I like the move. It's different, I like the stuff Maguire discovers down there, and it should mean more quality time for Miller.

"We don't want to be the Calgary Flames of the East."

-Senators Coach Brian Murray, on the
Sens inability to score goals this season

I shit you not. I just saw Murray say it on TSN.

Not tonight, Los Tiburones. It was the Western Conference semis all over again. Sharks take an early lead, Oil storm back to dominate and manhandle a Sharks goalie (this time, That Book By Nabokov).

It should also be noted that the Oilers beat a team that just manhandled the Flames. Again. And that the Oilers scored one more goal tonight than Calgary has scored on the season. But this thread, and Matt's thread, has been tons of fun. Lots of Oilers and Flames fans, and everyone having a good time. If you want to have even more fun, watch Mudcrutch get booted off this thread at Calgary Puck. His reputation obviously preceded him, because he certainly wasn't the most offensive guy on the thread. And you'd think Flames fans would encourage all the offense they could get. As Raffi's older brother Ben Fong-Torres would say, Craaazy.

The Flames are in Ottawa tonight (530PM, PPV) and Toronto Saturday (500PM, HNIC). A couple of wins -- or even a solid losing performance v. the Sens, followed by a beatdown of the Leafs -- would constitute "back on track".

I'm leaving town until Sunday, at which point I won't be going anywhere for about 10 weeks. During that period, I will be reclaiming supremacy of this site for the Flames and their presently outnumbered fan-readers. Bank it.

3-2 (OT) over Ottawa, 5-3 over Toronto with McLennan in net. Go Flames.

Record: 1-1-0		Record: 3-0-0
	Preview

• Our first game against a vanquished playoff foe. Should be a doozy.

• Unfortunately, you can't watch it, unless you get the Pay Per View. Have to admit, that just pisses me off. I still refuse to get Pay Per View games. There's some psychological wall about paying to watch a hockey game on tv that I simply can't overcome.

• I went looking for Sharks stuff over at BoC, and instead stumbled upon this hilarious post from Earl on Mark McGwire and Ketchup.

• As Mirtle has noted, the line of Milan Michalek, Patrick Marleau and Steve Bernier are going to be hard to handle. Should make for some interesting matchups. While Horcoff is shutting down Thornton, maybe Raffi can greet Milan with his shoulder pads again.

• Do we not have a suitably insulting nickname for Thornton, by the way? I thought we did, but I can't remember. I'll just re-use this image for now, as well as link to Cosh's dismantling of him.



I'm going to start the bidding with, "Priceless, featuring the Joey Thornton Face."

• Speaking of choking, how you all sleeping in Carolina? Good to see Cam Ward is where he always is, at around the .880 SV% mark. That will go down as the worst Conn Smythe decision ever, mark my words.

• Our widget is actually up on Apple now, which officially makes us big-time.

Prediction: 3-2 Oilers. Stoll and San Pisani in regulation. San Pisani gets the GWG in the shootout.

I generally avoid dissing my Alma Mater, and my City, in public. I also try and avoid talking about non-hockey related topics on this site. But the University of Alberta's recent announcement that it is going to name its downtown campus "Enterprise Square" has made me laugh so hard, while at the same time angering me so much, that I can not but do a quick post on it. At the very least, I've given Flames fans something to torture Edmontonians with until Matt returns from The Fortress of Solitude. To wit:

1) Will James Tiberius Kirk run the campus?

2) Will the campus' mission statement be, "To Boldy Go Where No University Has Gone Before?"

3) Reliable sources at the University have informed me that other names being considered were, "Battlestar Rhombus," "Millenium Falcon Place," "Palomino Piazza," "Slave II," "MANDEL 9000," "Faculte de Sulaco," and "Starfleet Academy."

4) Students should avoid ever wearing red on campus. If you do, expect to die within ten to fifteen minutes of landing.

5) My favorite part of the story is this:

"The word ‘square’ corresponds to the shape of the building and the open area inside the building that will become a gathering and meeting place."

No. You don't say?

Thanks to the amazing KP at Hockey Widgets, the Battle of Alberta now has its own widget! The widget can be downloaded here. The widget is only available for Dashboard, so those of you without a Mac are going to have to just go out and buy one. It's better to have a Mac anyway. Haven't you seen the commercials?

The widget serves as an RSS feed for the site, as well as a scoreboard for the 8 Battle of Alberta matchups. Again, I really want to thank KP for doing this. He volunteered to do so, and did it simply out of his love of hockey and all things widget. He also agreed to update the scores for me until I could find some proper server space to host the widget myself, which is awesome. KP is a Flyers fan, so I'm going to be sending his team some good karmic thoughts over the next little while. I hope you'll join me. Thankfully the Flyers are in the Eastern Conference, so the karmic drain should not have any ill effect on the Oil and Flames.

"All they're showing us is how much they don't know."

ESPN's straightforward approach is in part deliberate. Network executives have instructed announcers to avoid complex analysis, people involved in the production say.

--The Wall Street Journal, July 5, 2006

I thought on a day off for the Oilers that I would talk about a couple of hockey broadcast issues that I've had dancing around in my head. Cool? Cool.

1) Let's eliminate the intermission interview. Heck, let's get rid of all the interviews with hockey players. What purpose do they serve besides filler? When was the last time you heard an interviewer ask an intelligent, thought-provoking question during a 1st period intermission interview? When was the last time you heard a player give back something other than a rote, clichéd answer? "Jean-Claude, were you happy to get that 1st period goal?" "No, our team likes to be down by two goals going into the 2nd period, Scott. We feel it really helps motivate us as a team. So we'll work on preventing ourselves from scoring for the next game." The questions are leading, general, and non-investigatory. The answers are obvious, and benign. So why bother? Exposing the players to the public in such a way may have made sense 50 years ago (though I doubt it), but today, it just doesn't.

2) Let's also move to one announcer for a game, similar to what is done with soccer in the UK. There's no reason why the main announcer can't add necessary commentary. The "colour" that is added now is usually the regurgitated drivel of retired players, and is often times distracting. Jim Hughson, Gord Miller or Chris Cuthbert can give me all the "colour" I need.

3) Speaking of distracting, let's have more silence in hockey broadcasts. Why the need to fill every moment of time with noise?




See? Like that.

4) Let's eliminate the fantasy update information. Every league is different, and anyone who needs to be told that Jaromir Jagr is a mandatory first-round pick needs more help than you could possibly provide. Give me injury updates and game-time decisions, and leave it at that.

5) Let's fill all of this now empty-space with intelligent commentary, pointed questions, and sound statistical analysis. The problem in all of this is that Canada's hockey broadcasters are treating the most intelligent and devout hockey audience in the world like they are, well, the majority of Americans living outside of the Original Six cities, Philly, Buffalo, and the state of Minnesota. That, or they've just become extremely lazy in their production efforts. The quotes at the top of this post are about ESPN's horrid U.S. coverage of World Cup 2006, but they could as easily apply to hockey broadcasts in Canada. That's really sad, because whereas the excuse for soccer coverage in the States is that the general population is mostly uninterested in, and uneducated about, the sport, no such excuse exists in a country where the sport is the national religion.

I'm sure MSM apologist James Mirtle will come to the defence now, as he is wont to do, but to my mind there is simply no excuse for the poor state of hockey broadcasting in Canada today. Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part fans in Canada are being fed a repetitive, derivative, and boring product. Much of the blame falls on the CBC, which unfortunately still gets to broadcast Hockey Night in Canada. A fatter, more bloated sacred cow does not exist in this world. But TSN, despite having excellent announcers in Miller and Cuthbert, isn't much better. And I won't even get into Sportsnet. I actually enjoy The Score's coverage for some reason, despite its formulaic approach. But all in all, I've had enough. I tune out the pre-game stuff now, skip intermission coverage, and am getting closer and closer to the point where I turn down the volume and watch entire games in silence. I read free coverage from smart, funny, connected, and progressive bloggers about 95% percent of the time, and find their coverage to be superior to anything I see, hear or read in the MSM about 97% of the time. So what's there to do when you love a game, love watching a game, and love reading about a game, but the broadcasting stinks, the "colour" stinks, and the print and television coverage stinks? Let's just ponder that for a while.

Battle of Alberta: Think the NFL's Browns-Bengals rivalry is heated? You've never seen Calgary vs. Edmonton.

--Newsweek

Thanks to Newsweek for including us amongst their list of hockey blogs to read. And welcome to all those who find their way here from the link. Enjoy!

And of course, thanks to the frequent contributors who make this site, and the rest of the Oilogosphere, the best hockey sites in all the land!!!

Anyone else watching Rent-A-Goalie on Showcase? It's a neat little show, and I recommend checking it out. The premise is great (a rent-a-goalie service), and might even be true. I remember reading in Dave Bidini's Best Game You Can Name how hard it is to come across goalies for men's league play. The show is about hockey, Tiger Williams was in an episode, and the female lead (Inga Cadranel) is stunningly beautiful. What more can you ask for?

I wish I could say I was surprised by our lacklustre play tonight. One game good, one game bad. The Flames manhandled us, in my opinion. They were faster to the puck, more physical, and more agressive on the forecheck. Other thoughts:

• Again, an absolutely horrible 2nd period. Why are we always so bad in the 2nd frame?

• Hoo boy, those outlet passes sure did suck, didn't they? No one ever heard of the sideboards? Nah, we'll just throw it up the middle.

• Not a lot of speed in the neutral zone tonight.

• Daniel Tjarnqvist again led the Oilers in icetime, with 24:42, followed closely by Horcoff.

• Team toughness is going to be an issue, mark my words.

• And what is with Phanuef leaving his feet? Is this not verboten? Am I on crazy pills?

• Again, why dress Winchester?

• Can someone else please tee off on how bad our powerplay is? Please? I feel all alone on this one. Here's the play by play record for the two minute 5 on 3 in the 2nd:

10:42 PENALTY CGY - 24 LUNDMARK, Hooking, 2 min
10:42 PENALTY CGY - 20 HUSELIUS, Holding, 2 min
10:42 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - offensive zone. EDM 16 STOLL vs CGY 26 NILSON
11:08 BLOCKED SHOT CGY SH 4 HAMRLIK
11:36 MISSED SHOT EDM PP 16 STOLL, Wide of Net
11:58 MISSED SHOT EDM PP 71 SYKORA, Wide of Net
12:22 GIVEAWAY CGY SH 22 LANGKOW

No shots through on net on a 5 on 3? Are you kidding me? Oh, here's the record for the two minute powerplay at the end of the 3rd period, with the game on the line:

14:46 PENALTY CGY - 22 LANGKOW, Hooking, 2 min
14:46 PENALTY EDM - 15 LUPUL, Boarding, 2 min
14:46 PENALTY CGY - 22 LANGKOW, Boarding, 2 min
14:46 FACE-OFF N/A - CGY won - neutral zone. EDM 10 HORCOFF vs CGY 26 NILSON
15:15 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 83 HEMSKY
15:17 SHOT CGY SH 3 PHANEUF, Slap, 140 ft
15:20 STOPPAGE N/A - Offside
15:20 FACE-OFF N/A - EDM won - defensive zone. EDM 10 HORCOFF vs CGY 18 LOMBARDI
16:00 GIVEAWAY EDM PP 14 TORRES
16:41 TAKEAWAY CGY EV 26 NILSON

Not a single shot on net. Not even a blocked shor or a wide shot, for that matter. The Flames got one, and they were down a guy. The Oilers got three shots on net during the powerplay tonight, and two of those were one the play that resulted in the one powerplay goal. 10:37 of PP time, three shots. Unacceptable. Somebody, please, FIRE CRAIG SIMPSON!!!

• Speaking of teeing off, what did everyone think of Kelly Hrudey going off on Kevin Constantine in the 1st intermission? I liked it, myself. It's no different than what Cherry does every week, except it made sense.


Next game is Thursday (?), against the Sharks. Hopefully we'll rebound. I'm still having nightmares from that seven game losing streak to start the year off last year.

HI EVERYBODY!!!

This is going to be a fun 81-game season, I suspect. Predictions:

Flames final rank in W.C.: 2. There's a lot more reasons why the Flames should improve this season than there are reasons they should slide. Iginla had a subpar offensive year last year. They added an excellent scorer in Alex Tanguay (6th in the NHL last year in ESP/60, >50Gms). Based on age & current scoring rates, they don't have any forwards whose production is due for a drop, but they have several guys whose production is due to surge.

The defense should be, at worst, just about as good as last season. Phaneuf's role has changed with the departure of Leopold, and will no longer be so PP-heavy. My guess is that this may affect the PP, but that he can certainly take on the tough opponents alongside Regehr. A serious injury to Kipper -- or an "off-year" -- would obviously hurt the Flames, but I think we all understand now that starting the playoffs on the road is not a terrible position.

I have higher expectations for the Flames than any other team in the Western Conference, and I think those expectations are appropriate.

Oilers final rank in W.C.: 8-½. This is the fate of the Mac-T Oilers: look dynamite at times, incompetent at others, and live on the playoff bubble. I can't imagine why this season should be any different.

Stanley Cup Finals: Flames v. Sabres.

Team that surprises everyone to make the playoffs: Penguins.
Art Ross Trophy: Sidney Crosby
Hart Trophy: Sidney Crosby

Will we start seeing explicit complaints about the CBA this season, i.e. will the unified front crack? Oh, hell yes.

Score of tonight's game: Flames 4 Oilers 2. Tanguay scores, Iginla scores again, Lombardi gets a couple of helpers.

Go Flames? Go Flames.

Record: 1-0-0		Record: 0-1-0
	Preview

Not much to say, really. I will note that I'm expecting this game to be more physical than the last. Calgary is going to come out hard, as they are at home, where the locals are already sipping the Kool-Aid. Weathering the storm is therefore the likely recipe for success, as well as discipline and effective special teams play. Everything else we've covered.

Grabia's Prediction: 4-1 Oilers. Pisani, Lupul, Torres and Smytty. Hemsky gets two assists, despite being followed around by Dion Phaneuf all night.

Sorry. I was watching season 2.5 of Battlestar Galactica, and missed that The Island of Dr. Moreau had signed an extension with the Oil. I love this signing, although four years seems a bit much. I guess this is Lowe's way of rewarding the core, like he said he was going to do.

*** I used to write poetry. Some good, most bad, but write poetry I sure dang did. The well has pretty much dried up now, but here's one I wrote two years ago, on a dare from a friend. He gave me the subject matter (hockey, mom), and I did the rest. Actually, Charlie Daniels helped out a bit. The poem's meter is based upon "The Devil Went Down To Georgia." It's a flawed piece, my poem, but I sure enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy it too.***


Julie At The Rink

A Ballad of the Confederation, Sung in the Year 2004

Julie was a good girl, Christian to the core
She loved her Bible and her Jesus, but she loved her hockey more.
She prayed to the Father and the Son, and of course the Holy Ghost
Yet Gretzky, Coffey and Kurri, were the gods she prayed to most.

She listened to her preacher, as he hailed down words of fire
But Don Cherry was the High Priest, of the game that never tired.
In her heart she loved her God, her country and her kin
However nothing in the world could ever replace her one dark deadly sin.

She met a man named Marcel, when she was only eight
He was cute and smart, but what held her heart, was the fact that he could skate.
Well these two little children, got old and got married
In a hockey rink, without a blink, on a puck the ring was carried.

They moved into the city, so they could go to games
Of course they moved to Edmonton, no cheering for the Flames.
And pretty soon they had their own, three pretty little boys
Who only played with hockey sticks, no fancy other toys.

Now Gordie, Grant and Bobby, each one had their style
Of playing the best game on the earth, they’d played it for awhile.
On icy rinks and gravel streets, basements and backyards
Playing til’ the sun went down, “Game On” after a car.

Gordie was a tough boy, not scared of getting hit
But he also had some pretty good hands, gave the opposing team the fits.
He’d go into the corner, elbows flying high
Then come out from it with the puck, and shelf it short side high.

Grant was a little bit different, as wild as you could get
He wasn’t scared of anything, so he found himself in net.
He stopped hockey pucks, tennis balls, and plastic orange bullets
Covered head to toe in welts and bumps, he never even felt it.

But Bobby was the golden boy, with long black flowing hair
He could skate as fast as Mercury, and dance like Fred Astaire.
His slapshot was like thunder, his wrist shot lightning quick
And his passes floated like soft clouds, to land right on your stick.

As you can see, between these boys, Miss Julie had it all
She was like a Hockey Eve, blessed from God, right before the Fall.
Yet one dark snowy evening, at a minor hockey game
Julie let the sin through, causing her and man great shame.

Her Sabres played the Bruins, they were fighting for first place
Julie was cheering and screaming, getting on folks case.
The score was tied, the teams were tired, headed to overtime
But what happened next can only be described, as a good ol’ hockey crime.

The opposing coach sent out his goon, an enormous kid named Rick
And told him to go get Bobby, for scoring that hat-trick.
That clumsy ox was really slow, he couldn’t skate real well
But what he could do was hit you, and made sure that you fell.

The Sabre defencemen had the puck, and he passed it up to Bob
It hit a chip, and bounced straight up, like a grenade that has been lobbed.
As Bobby stood there staring, waiting for the puck to fall
Ricky started across the ice, focused on it all.

And as the puck hit Bobby’s stick, a shadow crossed his face
A shadow that was meant to hurt and maim, put Bobby in his place.
Bobby couldn’t move in time, but he could move a little bit
So he lunged away to his left, trying to not get hit.

What happened then was a gruesome site, not fit for eyes to see
Bobby had dodged the body, but not escaped the knee.
Julie sat up in the stands, watching her dream die
A dream of three boys in the league, Bobby on the fly.

She shot forward to the glass, scrambling to get a look
As her body began to tremble, she cried and cried and shook.
It was then the devil took her, he’d been waiting a mighty long time
He took her body over, and he turned her thoughts to crime.

Julie looked around the rink, her eyes a ball of flame
She looked until she saw the coach who had caused her son the pain.
Like a triple headed monster, with snake hair flying low
The Saint became a Hockey Mom, aiming to strike a blow.

She ran behind the Bruin’s bench, and climbed up on the glass
She started screaming at the coach, becoming very crass.
He turned around and looked at her, a smirk upon his face
The last look that he ever gave, on this earthly place.

Julie snapped right then and there, her mind no longer hers
She reached out and grabbed a stick, away from one of the players.
Over the glass came the stick, she swiped it at his head
Like a furious demon, one smite and he was dead.

The police who came and took her, said she looked possessed
Her eyes were bulged, her fists were clenched, and her hair was in a mess.
When they grabbed her arms, she collapsed in theirs, all the fight withdrawn
And then she saw what she had done, the sin began to dawn.

She looked out on the ice, and saw those three stunned faces
Her angels now the victims, in one of those hockey cases.
So Julie was taken to sit and stare, and wonder how and when
Her life had become one cruel joke, full of blood red sin.

And so this story comes to close, right where it began
A Christian girl who’d forgot the truth of the God become a Man.
And though we call her Julie, forget about the name
Cuz’ every one is tempted, by the good ol’ hockey game.

And though we call her Julie, forget about the name
Cuz’ every one is taken, by the good ol’ hockey game.

Yawn. Ho hum. Another game, another victory. So much for the vaunted Flames defence. I mean, it's good to have, but if you can't score, it doesn't help you much. My summary of tonight is such:

• Both teams played sloppy, boring hockey for most of the game. I expect that to change once they get their legs and gel as units.

• The officiating was horrible, but at least it was horrible both ways. The Iginla penalty-shot was questionable in my mind, if only because it didn't look like a clear cut breakaway.

• Kipper looked rusty. Roli looked sharp, except for when he was behind the net.

• The Oilers D looked good, but both the forwards and the defencemen made some awful clearing attempts that turned into scoring chances for the Flames. Cut. It. Out.

• Dion Phaneuf needs to get his head knocked in. He's lucky he has his boyfriend Iginla protecting him.

• All the Flames defenceman were jumping into hits tonight. I thought leaving your feet like that was a penalty?

• How good did Pinto look? Wow. Puck on a string, and full speed, all night. Raffi may need to start throwing punches in his defence, though. I thought the Calgary D were running Hemmer all night.

• Other than the one Flames goal, when he should have been more aggressive on the puck, Ladislav Smid looked pretty solid.

• Why is Brad Winchester on the roster? Again, if you're going to only use a guy for five minutes a night, why not have it be a sniper for the powerplay?

• The CBC wouldn't stop talking about how difficult it was going to be to find ice-time for all the Oilers forwards. To me, they were digging for a story. If the team is winning, no one will care. Buffalo had four great lines last year, and it worked out fine for them. That being said, Lupul didn't seem to be on the ice alot tonight.

• Anyone else think we still need a fighter? I do.

• Mac T was up to his old tricks, juggling every line except for the Torres-Sykora-Hemmer line. Sigh.

All in all, a good night. It ain't playoff hockey, but it's still hockey. What did everybody else think of tonight's game?

Season Record: 0-0-0	Season Record: 0-0-0

Chill your beer, and warm-up your tee-vees, It's Battle Of Alberta Night, baby! And to open the season, too. What a beauty combo.

The good news is that Playfair is already afraid. He even phoned his mommy for advice. Apparently she thinks that one way to get the Flames more wins is to play Kipper less. I love it! Maybe she will be able to come in and spark up Jarmoe too.

I may be over in the UK, unable to watch this thing live; but you better believe that I'm going to have Rockin' Rod on the Radio.

For the second (is it more than just two?) year in a row, the Flames beat the Oil in the season head-to-head. Not impressive; but tonight is the night that things start to turn around.

Sacamano's Prediction: 4-2 Oilers. Goals by Smytty, Sykora, Reasoner (have I mentioned how happy I am that we got him back), and the object of my new man-crush -- Thoresen. Can you believe that only 4 Norwegians have played in the NHL. Four! I was stunned by that.

Go Oil!


***Grabia late afternoon update***

Hi, Hugh!

Since Sacamano beat me to the punch on the preview (I was half-expecting/hoping he would predict Dvorak for the game-winner, regardless of where he plays), I'll jot down a couple thoughts and leave it at that. Shout outs to the commenters who don't like the completely free and non-mandatory content I am providing them. Hugs and kisses.

• I'm actually going to predict the Oilers lose this game. The reason: they're hanging the Western Conference Champions banner. Our track record is abysmal when we have to wait over 75 minutes to start a game. Funny that. Let's just hope the banner isn't as embarrassingly large as the one the Flames put up last year. I'd like to save room for a banner that matters.

• Anyone want to give the over/under on Kipper getting hurt this year? It's gotta happen, right? Matt would know better, but it seems like the Flames are a remarkably healthy crew.

• Didn't the season just end? Man, I'm still high on the Oilers domination in Game 6, and utterly low on the disappointing effort of Game 7.

• Which begs the question: which Oilers team will we see tonight? The up-tempo, heavy checking, turnover creating, odd-man rushing crew of the playoff victories? Or the floating, no-energy, wait-until-the-last-five-minutes-when-down-by-two-to-try-hard Oilers of the excruciatingly painful regular season?

• Anyone know who is calling the game tonight? If we get Cole and Neale, I may ram-charge my head through the television screen.

• What man-crush do I focus on tonight? Pisani? Traktor Boy? Oh, what do I do?!

• Has anyone else soiled themselves from the anticipation? Hockey's back, baby! HOCKEY IS BACK!!!


Bonus Audio Clip I couldn't embed this file properly into Blogger, so you'll have to do the old fashioned click to link. It's the first time I've played around with editing a mix, so have mercy on me. Hope it helps you get pumped for the game. GOILERS!!!!

Andy Grabia's productivity continues to outpace that of his "temporary replacement," so I'm happy to turn the microphone back over to him as the real hockey begins. I leave you with my ten intrepid forecasts for the NHL's crossroads season.

1. Sidney Crosby will win the Art Ross Trophy. The postseason awards ceremony will take a dramatic turn when he attains pubescence and his voice drops two octaves halfway through his acceptance speech.

2. Paparazzi will unexpectedly catch Tie Domi exiting a limousine with a visibly flustered Hillary Clinton.

3. After unsuccessfully pleading with his business partners to let him resign, Wayne Gretzky will make a clumsy suicide attempt with a skate blade after a 6-1 Phoenix loss to the Columbus Blue Jackets.

4. The Dallas Stars will poison the atmosphere of their locker room by gratuitously jerking the captaincy away from their spiritual leader and signing hockey's most notorious malcontent to a contract. Oh, wait...

5. When the Jose Theodore-Paris Hilton sex tape hits the Internet, fans will be consternated to learn that Theo stubbornly refuses to remove his Heritage Classic Habs toque throughout the entire performance.

6. Lou Lamoriello's Devils will, at some point, make separate trades for the rights to Howie Morenz, Bill Masterton, Eric Lindros's brain, and Dominik Hasek's groin.

7. Under indirect pressure from Chris Pronger's wife, the Anaheim Ducks will relocate in mid-season, becoming the East St. Louis Crackheads.

8. Paparazzi will unexpectedly catch Doug Gilmour exiting a limousine with a visibly flustered Paulina Gretzky.

9. A five-hour 0-0 tie between Minnesota and Calgary will finally be ended by a game of rock-paper-scissors in front of a nearly empty Pengrowth Saddledome. Keith Carney will be named the game's first star after he successfully pulls the "rock smashes through paper" trick on Chuck Kobasew.

10. The Oilogosphere will band together to raise the price of a Porsche 930 Turbo and present it anonymously to Miikka Kiprusoff.

Is it worth mentioning that Lupul is just 0-2 in shootouts?

Is it worth mentioning how much I hate the Mighty Fucks of Anaheim? I have all kinds of time for Earl, but he raised this point at the exact moment I remembered how much I hate the Ducks. I was looking back at some old playoff posts today, looking for ammo for future use, and again became wrathful about that God damn team. I despise them more than I hate the Stars, and I loathe them almost as much as I loathe the Lames. Randy "I've never seen an Oiler I couldn't lose to" Carlyle and his conspiracy theories. Teemu "Ketchup" Selanne and his whining about how much better his team was, despite getting their asses handed to them by a bunch of exhausted players with the Norfolk virus. JS "Hissy Fit" Giguere sniveling about Le GG after he bitch-slapped Todd Fedoruk. Brian "The Grinch Who Stole Cockface" Burke and his attempt to ban Brass Bonanza when he was GM of the Whalers. Scott "The Invisible Man" Niedermayer, who...well, I actually like him for being a complete non-entity in the Conference Finals. The jury is even still out on Lupul, who drove me crazy last year, so much so that I referred to him as a "part-time Olympic diver." He's an Oiler now, but I've still got my eye on him. And then there is Prongley...

I have to admit, I feel like this site is getting soft. Actually, in my opinion, all the blogs have been a bit soft lately. Summer, familiarity, and friendships will do that, I suppose. But today marks the beginning of the NHL season, and it's time to get the game-face on. We can shake hands at the end of the year, people. Now's the time for battle. I'm going to play clean, but from now on I'm treating any non-teammate like they are banging my sister. I'm following through on the check in the corner, I'm giving your face a rub with my glove in every scrum, and I'm running up the score until there's a bench-clearing brawl. To paraphrase the words of the immortal Tupac Shakur, "if you wanna be down with anyone other than the Oilers, then fuck you too."

I know we don't play Anaheim for a few weeks, but I can't hold the rage back. To wit, a reminder to all those who are fawning over the Ducks of Anaheim, and predicting that they will win the Western Conference and or the Stanley Cup this year. Just be warned, you shouldn't count on the Ducks getting any of those points when they play us. No wonder they dropped the Mighty.

The Edmonton Oilers versus The Anaheim Mighty Ducks Since 1998*

Year	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Ducks Wins In Edmonton
2005-2006	8	1	0	1
2003-2004	3	1	0	0
2002-2003	4	0	0	0
2001-2002	3	1	0	0
2000-2001	2	1	1	0
1999-2000	2	2	0	0
1998-1999	3	2	0	1

Games Played Since 1998-1999	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Games Played In Edmonton	Ducks Wins In Edmonton	Oilers Winning %	Oilers Winning % At Home
34	25	8	1	16	2	74%	87.5%

* I gave Ducks fans a two year grace period, so that they could get some wins. If we started in 2000, or even just looked at last year, the domination would be even more profound.

Looking back over some old posts from the spring and summer (many of which were fantastic, by the way), I've come to realize one thing: I'm due. Seriously. Sure the Oilers went all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals, but this is how it has gone since then:

• Oilers blow 3-1 lead in Game 1, and lose Dwayne Roloson for the rest of the playoffs.

• Oilers go down 3 games to 1 against hated Hurricanes after Game 4 loss.

• Oilers lose Game 7 of Stanley Cup Finals.

• Four fucking days later, Cockface Stinkfuck's agent requests a trade.

• A few days after that, Cockface is traded in a lopsided deal.

• Italy wins the World Cup.

• My favorite Oiler, Le GG, signs with the Coyotes.

• On August 21st, the New York Yankees zip up on a five game pounding of my beloved Red Sox.

• Injuries to Francisco Liriano and Jonathan Papelbon kill my chances of winning my fantasy baseball league.

• My house is broken into while I sleep, and thieves run off with my wallet, phone, laptop, and car.

Of course this is all countered by the joys of becoming a Battle of Alberta correspondent, and beating the piss out of Cosh in our fantasy baseball league (he deserved it. He razzed the shit out of me and my team all through our draft and the first 1/3 of the season). But it isn't enough. I want more, damn it. I deserve it. WE deserve it. Which leads me to my Oilers 2006-2007 Regular Season Preview/Predictions.




Offence

• When was the last time the number one concern of Oilers fans wasn't scoring goals? Like, 1990? Well, it won't be problem this year, folks. It better not be. There are 8 guys on this roster who should score 20+ goals: Smyth, Hemsky, Sykora, Lupul, Horcoff, Pisani, Stoll, and Torres. Throw in some helpers from The Island of Ethan Moreau, Thoresen, Mikhnov, Reasoner and the defence, as well as the 69 The Hockey Jesus will score when he is inevitably recalled from the minors, and we should easily get over the 300 Goals For mark. That would be a vast improvement over the 256 we scored last year, and that will translate into wins. Lots of them.

• Ales Hemsky will score between 90-100 points, even after sharing ice time with the other offensive studs. It's Hemmer time.



• Shawn Horcoff, Jarret Stoll, and Marty Reasoner will not lose a faceoff all season long.

• Following in Mark Messier's footsteps, Stoll will be late for a plane leaving Los Angeles, and will be punished by Oilers GM Kevin Lowe. He will also follow in Messier's footsteps by sleeping with a long-past-expiry-date Hollywood celebrity. That's right, Cuba Gooding Jr.

• A forward and/or prospect will be traded for a top four defenceman near the trading deadline.

• Mike Peca won't score any goals as an Edmonton Oiler. So pretty much the same as last year.

• Fernando Pisani will score 30 goals, then impregnate me. Again.


Defence

• I've said it before, I'll say it again. Meh. It's not a pretty backline, but I've seen worse. I'd rather have the team we are starting with now than the one we started with a year ago. I'm confident that the defence will be servicable, and that Lowe will make a deal if it isn't.

• Tom Gilbert will play over 15 games with the Oilers this year.

• Jason Smith will attempt to start a fight with Chris Pronger.

• Matt Greene won't be the most penalized player on the team.


Goaltending

• The play of Dwayne Roloson is way more critical to the Oilers success than the defence. I'm optimistic that he will have a solid year, but am very nervous about it.

• Jussi Markkanen will have to start in about 25 games this year. If he plays like he did in the Finals, we will win most of those.

• Devan Dubnyk was very impressive in camp. Very. Roloson's contract could be an albatross as early as next year.


Special Teams

• The penalty kill will pick up where it left off in the playoffs. That is to say, it will be awesome. I imagine Horcoff, Stoll and Moreau among the league-leaders in shorthanded points.

• I really hope they go with 5 forwards on the Powerplay. I also hope they don't go back to their "shoot only from the point" strategy of last year. Mix it up, for God's sake. What the hell does Craig Simpson get paid for, anyway? I can't talk about this. It's gonna eat me alive all year. Just wait and see. Breathe, Andy...

• Imagine this shootout unit: Sykora, Lupul, Hemsky. Then add in the other scorers if those three can't win it. I'm going to guess that we have a 4-6 point improvement in the Overall Standings because of our shootout prowess. That is, unless MacT decides to pick players like Brad Winchester for the shootout based on a hunch, which isn't beyond the realm of possibility.


Intangibles

• In KLowe We Trust.

• We have enough cap room, forwards and prospects to make a move, if necessary. Not many NHL teams can say that.

• Not only does this team have experience after going all the way to Game 7, it also has confidence. This is a cocky team.

• I like that, and believe the two intangibles (experience and cockiness) will allow the Oilers to avoid what has killed them for the past six or seven years: the slow start. Every year, we go on a two month losing streak, and have to fight to the death just to get the 8th playoff spot. It's our signature. I think that will be avoided this year, although I did sense a lack of urgency and killer instinct against the Canes in the Finals that may reintroduce itself.

• Can I get a "Hell Yeah!" for Joey Moss?

• The national anthem tradition will continue.

• The game between Terrell Owens' Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles next Sunday is the most anticipated sporting event of the year. It will get ugly. Thrown batteries and human feces ugly. A close second will be November 28th, when Chris Pronger comes to Edmonton for the first time as a Duck. It will feed this town for months.

• Two words that shape my entire thought process on this year's version of the Edmonton Oilers: EWING THEORY. Count on it.





Homer Prediction: I'm due, and so are the Oil. 2nd place in the Western Conference, and Stanley Cup Champions.


A More Rational Series of Predictions

Western Conference		Eastern Conference
1. Detroit*		1. Buffalo*
2. Calgary*		2. Carolina*
3. San Jose*		3. Ottawa
4. Nashville		4. New York Rangers*
5. Edmonton		5. New Jersey
6. Anaheim		6. Philadelphia
7. Minnesota		7. Tampa Bay
8. Dallas		8. Florida
9. Vancouver		9. Montreal
10. Los Angeles		10. Boston
11. Colorado		11. Atlanta
12. Phoenix		12. Toronto
13. Chicago		13. Pittsburgh
14. St. Louis		14. Washington
15. Columbus		15. New York Islanders

Speaking of Mike "Quimby" Morrison, I know there's bound to be pent-up demand for a comment thread celebrating his victory over David LeNeveu in the battle for the #2 spot in Phoenix. Pissah!

Before the season started, I thought I would take the time to update Sacamano's excellent BoA Glossary from last year. Much has changed since the first glossary was posted. The Flames choked, the Oilers came close, and we all now hate Chris Pronger. After shaving his playoff beard and costing the Oilers the Cup, Sacamano has fled to the country of the Houyhnhnm. I have replaced him, and Cosh has replaced me. Charles went Wang Chung, Le GG signed with the Coyotes, singer/songwriter/surfer/ filmaker/boxer/hockey player Jack Johnson was traded to the Kings, and the Leafs management made a handful of retarded free agent signings.

Well, at least some things never change.

Some of these terms have additions, some are no longer relevant, some have been made up and haven't been used, and some have existed for awhile without being acknowledged. I've also brought some over from my copycat Stanley Cup Finals version at SportsMatters. I haven't been able to play with any images, unfortunately, as all my programs were on the computer that was stolen. So I'll add and change some images at a later time. I'm sure you will have no problem telling me which images, terms and nicknames you don't like, or any I have missed, so I won't bother encouraging feedback. We're three days away from the first Battle of Alberta matchup and the beginning of the 2006-2007 NHL season, people. Time to get jacked up!

---

Nickname: Traktor Boy
Also Known As: Alexei Mikhnov

---

Nickname: Saint Fernando
Also Known As: Fernando Pisani, 34, San Fernando, My Cousin Fernando Pisani, Pantsani, The Patron Saint of Lost Hockey Causes

---

Nickname: The Hockey Jesus
Also Known As: Robbie Schremp, Robimus Prime, Popcorn, Sugartits

---

Nickname: Tommy
Also Known As: Kristian Huselius

---

Nickname: Cockface Stinkfuck
Also Known As: Christie Prongley, Christie, Mom, He Who Must Not Be Named, He Who Must Be Blamed

---

Nickname: Joe Camel
Player Name: Rod Brind'Amour
Also Known As: Joey Camel-Vagina-Face, Joey Camel-Vag-Face, Karen The Bag of Douche

---

Nickname: Pinto
Also Known As: Ales Hemsky, Pinto Hemsky, Hemmer Time

---

Nickname: Jarmoe
Also Known As: Jarome Iginla

---

Term: Oilogosphere
Definition: The world-wide collection of Oilers blogs.

---

Term: Phaneufed
Definition: To be kept away from the other team's star players. E.g., Darryl Sutter phaneufed Dion Phaneuf against the Edmonton Oilers by playing him exclusively against Ales Hemsky's line.

---

Nickname: Anonymouse
Definition: Any cowardly commenter who drops in, says something stupid or insulting, but doesn't sign in under a real or assumed name. Perfectly visualized by Mike W at Covered in Oil.

---

Term: Squeee!
Definition: An exclamation of joy from fangirls/puck bunnies. Used to perfection at Hot Oil.

---

Nickname: Brad Gilbert
Also Known As: Tom Gilbert

---

Nickname: Mägni Thöroson the Ëlectric Nörseman
Also Known As: Patrick Thoresen, The Ëlectric Nörseman, Thor, Snorri

---

Nickname: Cyril Smid
Also Known As: Ladislav Smid

---

Term: Stempniaked
Definition: To be unexpectedly defeated by the singular efforts of a player on a sub-standard team (spectacular art by Chris de Groat here).

---

Term: Vaunted
Definition: The Oilers offence.

---

Term: Blender
Definition: Craig MacTavish's propensity for mixing and changing linemates.

---

Nickname: Clay Aikens
Also Known As: Carolina Hurricanes Fans

---

Nickname: Le GG
Also Known As: Georges Laraque, Georges, Georgie, BG

---

Nickname: Conkannen
Also Known As: Ty Conklin/Jussi Markkanen

---

Nickname: Mayor Quimby
Also Known As: Mike Morrison, Good Goal Tending, Ralph Waldo Morrison, The Plymouth Rock

---

Nickname: Joffrey Zoolander
Also Known As: Joffrey Lupul

---

Term: "the Tjits"
Also Known As: Description of Oilers defense with respect to lack of veteran depth after the critical loss of Daniel Tjarnqvist (pron. "Sharn-quist") to an "inflamed pubic bone". Coined by SweatyO

---

Term: The Most Exciting Play In Hockey
Also Known As: a Flames empty-net goal, serving to further pad their statistical offensive dominance over the Oilers

Hang on... "the" AHL affiliate of the Flames? Are you telling me you guys don't need one of these to keep track of your players? Man, the luck some people have...

**Sad to see Steve Konowalchuk forced to retire due to heart problems (the medical kind). Of his many accomplishments, what I think I'll remember most is his late insurance goal in the Avalanche of Suck game, aka the "junior-league player mentality" game. (This is not to be confused with the previous week's Oil v. Avs game, aka the Crowd Magic game, aka the "I am numb... tragic... comical" game).

**The Flames signed Andrew Ference to a 3-year contract extension. Pending the dollar figure of course, I'm happy to hear it. Ference is the Girl With A Curl of the Flames: when he is good, he is top-pair quality, and when he is bad, he is truly horrendous. This will be just his 4th full season in the NHL; I suspect he's roughly hit his physical peak, but that there is plenty more room for improvement. Slightly fewer penalties, slightly more reliability please. Bonus note: he becomes the first player the Flames have under contract for the 2009/10 season.

**Brent Krahn got sent to the minors to be, for now, the clear-cut #1 for Omaha. I understand the explanations; what I'm still waiting for -- the beat reporters might be helpful here -- is some kind of assessment of whether he or McLennan was the better goaltender in training camp & preseason. Anyone?

My ideal split of the goaltending workload between Kipper/Backup is 60/20 (er, 61/21). Not only does this provide for suitable rest for Kipper, it normalizes the use of the backup. I'm gonna do the frightening here and put myself inside the mind of a hockey player (!!). I think if a guy gets thrown out there every 4th game, I get used to him and approach the game the same way, whereas if it's every 8th or 9th game, it's more of an Oh Sh!t I hope he performs back there type of thing. This would be of obvious benefit if Kipper comes down with a 2- or 3-week injury*.

Jamie McLennan's upside is well-established, and not suitable for such a role (the split between he and Luongo in Florida last year was 73/9, as was that between Kipper and Sauve/Boucher). Krahn's upside has not been established, and he may be suitable for that role. Just what the hell are we waiting for?

**Pleased as hell to see that Mark Giordano made the team (or rather more importantly, that he deserved to). Giordano led the AHL affiliate (pardon the unfamiliar jargon, Oilfans) in scoring last season, despite that fact that he played 7 games with Calgary and that he's a defenseman. More pop is good. And best of all, even with Warrener injured, the Flames can dress a defense corps without requiring the services of Cale Hulse or Brad Ference.

(*Writer is congenitally incapable of contemplating more gruesome scenarios, even though he acknowledges their existence.)

I like to think of myself as being about halfway between the two camps into which the Oiler universe has divided over Rob Schremp. I don't believe it was a blunder to send him down to Chattanooga or Schenectady or whatever the hell it says on his plane ticket. Schremp is as good a representation as you could find of what the AHL is for. But I don't believe he would necessarily embarrass himself as a PP/shootout specialist in the NHL right now, either.

What's interesting about Schremp's "failure" to make the team is that he worked hard, put up good numbers, quieted speculation about his skating, stayed out of machete fights outside Club Malibu, and didn't give any self-destructive interviews—and yet the decision to send him down wasn't really a tough one. I don't know about any of you, but looking forward from July I would have figured that if Schremp had a good camp, he was certainly going to qualify for the club strictly on the basis of talent (whether or not MacT & Co. chose to take the attendant risks). Then Mikhnov and Thoresen materialized out of nowhere in that eerie, Tolkienesque way. And I don't think you can possibly argue, given Mikhnov's Nimitz-class gifts and Thoresen's apparent ability to do everything up to and including repairing the Fanboni, that they didn't deserve to leapfrog Schremp on the depth chart.

I'm still waiting to pick up the paper one of these mornings and find out it was all a joke. "A Norwegian walk-on and a leftover from Marian Gaborik's draft year? C'mon, you actually fell for that?"

Occasionally this site will receive an unwary visitor who doesn't understand why the intramural sporting rivalry between Calgary and Edmonton needs to be quite so bitter. Aren't we all Albertans? Shouldn't we remain united against the darkness and confusion lying without our borders? This is not really the place for those people to make their point, but they do in fact have one.

So in the spirit of collegiality I'd like to point out that there's an ideal winter sport for them to get behind this year—curling. This summer, Edmonton's two-time Brier champion Kevin Martin decided that he was tired of cleaning up in carspiels and then blowing the big silverware (or simply getting creamed in the fearsome Northern Alberta playdowns) year after year. With his eye on the 2010 Olympics, he shocked the curling world by remorselessly dismissing his longtime teammates and inviting Calgary's top curler, double world junior champ John Morris, to be his new vice-skip. The Highway 2 Super-Rink has got to be the unlikeliest tag team since X-Pac and Kane hooked up on WWE. But so far it seems to be working out pretty well.