Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Terms of Battle, 2006-2007

Before the season started, I thought I would take the time to update Sacamano's excellent BoA Glossary from last year. Much has changed since the first glossary was posted. The Flames choked, the Oilers came close, and we all now hate Chris Pronger. After shaving his playoff beard and costing the Oilers the Cup, Sacamano has fled to the country of the Houyhnhnm. I have replaced him, and Cosh has replaced me. Charles went Wang Chung, Le GG signed with the Coyotes, singer/songwriter/surfer/ filmaker/boxer/hockey player Jack Johnson was traded to the Kings, and the Leafs management made a handful of retarded free agent signings.

Well, at least some things never change.

Some of these terms have additions, some are no longer relevant, some have been made up and haven't been used, and some have existed for awhile without being acknowledged. I've also brought some over from my copycat Stanley Cup Finals version at SportsMatters. I haven't been able to play with any images, unfortunately, as all my programs were on the computer that was stolen. So I'll add and change some images at a later time. I'm sure you will have no problem telling me which images, terms and nicknames you don't like, or any I have missed, so I won't bother encouraging feedback. We're three days away from the first Battle of Alberta matchup and the beginning of the 2006-2007 NHL season, people. Time to get jacked up!

Nickname: Traktor Boy
Also Known As: Alexei Mikhnov

Nickname: Saint Fernando
Also Known As: Fernando Pisani, 34, San Fernando, My Cousin Fernando Pisani, Pantsani, The Patron Saint of Lost Hockey Causes

Nickname: The Hockey Jesus
Also Known As: Robbie Schremp, Robimus Prime, Popcorn, Sugartits

Nickname: Tommy
Also Known As: Kristian Huselius

Nickname: Cockface Stinkfuck
Also Known As: Christie Prongley, Christie, Mom, He Who Must Not Be Named, He Who Must Be Blamed

Nickname: Joe Camel
Player Name: Rod Brind'Amour
Also Known As: Joey Camel-Vagina-Face, Joey Camel-Vag-Face, Karen The Bag of Douche

Nickname: Pinto
Also Known As: Ales Hemsky, Pinto Hemsky, Hemmer Time

Nickname: Jarmoe
Also Known As: Jarome Iginla

Term: Oilogosphere
Definition: The world-wide collection of Oilers blogs.

Term: Phaneufed
Definition: To be kept away from the other team's star players. E.g., Darryl Sutter phaneufed Dion Phaneuf against the Edmonton Oilers by playing him exclusively against Ales Hemsky's line.

Nickname: Anonymouse
Definition: Any cowardly commenter who drops in, says something stupid or insulting, but doesn't sign in under a real or assumed name. Perfectly visualized by Mike W at Covered in Oil.

Term: Squeee!
Definition: An exclamation of joy from fangirls/puck bunnies. Used to perfection at Hot Oil.

Nickname: Brad Gilbert
Also Known As: Tom Gilbert

Nickname: Mägni Thöroson the Ëlectric Nörseman
Also Known As: Patrick Thoresen, The Ëlectric Nörseman, Thor, Snorri

Nickname: Cyril Smid
Also Known As: Ladislav Smid

Term: Stempniaked
Definition: To be unexpectedly defeated by the singular efforts of a player on a sub-standard team (spectacular art by Chris de Groat here).

Term: Vaunted
Definition: The Oilers offence.

Term: Blender
Definition: Craig MacTavish's propensity for mixing and changing linemates.

Nickname: Clay Aikens
Also Known As: Carolina Hurricanes Fans

Nickname: Le GG
Also Known As: Georges Laraque, Georges, Georgie, BG

Nickname: Conkannen
Also Known As: Ty Conklin/Jussi Markkanen

Nickname: Mayor Quimby
Also Known As: Mike Morrison, Good Goal Tending, Ralph Waldo Morrison, The Plymouth Rock

Nickname: Joffrey Zoolander
Also Known As: Joffrey Lupul

Term: "the Tjits"
Also Known As: Description of Oilers defense with respect to lack of veteran depth after the critical loss of Daniel Tjarnqvist (pron. "Sharn-quist") to an "inflamed pubic bone". Coined by SweatyO

Term: The Most Exciting Play In Hockey
Also Known As: a Flames empty-net goal, serving to further pad their statistical offensive dominance over the Oilers


I'm probably going to think that these names are kind of cruel. You can't blame Brind'amour for looking like a troll.

Grow a pair anonymous. I'm happy to see that my Racoons reference has taken off. Does anyone remember what the young raccoon was called again? Bert and Melissa were the two and then there was the troublemaker. I never did understand the relationship that the three of them had either. Weird.

Also, you should add Sugartits.

That image accompanying "squee!" is classic. However, I have to mention that I think the nickname "Mom" is much more appropriate for Mr. Brad Winchester

Who will win the scoring title? Vote today!


You forgot Captain America as a Schremp alternate.

The other racoon was Ralph!

CFP = Pronger

that clay aikin picture is wrong. using his hand out in pulic like that...

Sugartits is there already, MC. And I thought I came up with Cyril Smid. I must be losing my mind. What Ive never been able to find out is the name of the Racoons hockey team. I always wanted to use the name for a fantasy hockey team.

Brind'amour reminds me of an orc more than he reminds me of Joe Camel. Of course, that could be because I have been playing WAY too much World of Warcraft on my days off.

And I object to being connected to Gay Aiken in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Every time I tell people I live in Raleigh and they say "Oh, do you know Clay Aiken?" I want to get out a shotgun and start cleaning the genepool with it.

Just sayin', of course.

Every time I tell people I live in Raleigh and they say "Oh, do you know Clay Aiken?" I want to get out a shotgun and start cleaning the genepool with it.

You live in Raleigh? Hey, do you know Clay Aikens?

"Too much World of Warcraft" is an oxymoron, AQ. Come on, now.

I think we also need a banana hammock reference for Robimus Prime.

You live in Raleigh? Hey, do you know Clay Aikens?

OK, I asked for that one.

"Too much World of Warcraft" is an oxymoron, AQ.


I know you love him and all, but what has Rob Schremp ever done to earn such a flattering nickname as 'the Hockey Jesus'? Shouldn't a name like that be reserved for a star player, or at least someone who is, I dunno, actually on the roster? Someone who has done something even vaguely miraculous?

A lot of these names grew up through usage in the comments and elsewhere and were earned in some fashion. Captain America or Banana-Boy seem far more appropriate. Save the savior for a real player.

If you click on the link for the name, you'll see that The Hockey Jesus arose in the Finals last year. He was seen as a potential savior by a lot of us; hence the name. It didn't develop here, but it was used in other places. I'm sticking with it, both because I like it, and because I like it. Plus, it irritates the Schremp haters, which makes me happy. Feel free to use whatever you want, whenever you want. Tyler is going with Sugartits, even though it makes about as much sense as the nickname Mudcrutch and half the numbers he throws around with careless abandon.

Sophia Tutu... there was something about her that Smurfette never really had.

Andy, I can't find the name of the 'Coons hockey team either, though one web-site does make referance to the Jerseys resembling the old Islanders Jerseys fromn the early 80's.

I agree the 'Hockey Jesus' is a great nickname and you should like it. I just think you should save it for someone who's actually done something to earn it (walking on water doesn't count, cuz when it's ice they can all do that).

RS earned the Sugartits name (and others) with the Banana Hammock photo.

Does anyone else find Fauxrumours spamming his site on other comment boards annoying? Unless he's associated in some way with BoA.

Andy, I think your reference to 'the Hockey Jesus' was regarding the hope that Robimus could have entered the Play-off roster last year as a PP specialist, a 'Saviour' so to speak. It should still apply. Jesus was still Jesus before he was Jesus. So Robimus can also be a Jesus before he becomes Jesus, and if he's like the real Jesus, he won't actually solve our problem's anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

Viva La hockey Jesus, Viva Robimus Prime.

Fauxrumors has nothing to do with us. He's spamming us, too.

I agree with Alana :
"That image accompanying "squee!" is classic." It is so true.

Karen is always a bag of douche

Hey Anonymous(e),

Boy, I sure gotta tell you... It's so refreshing seeing a random idiotic statement breaking the mundanity of a themed and coherent line of postings. If it weren't for you this Blog just might be a well structured, and entertaining forum for intelligent, articulate readers to comment upon.

Thanks Dickfor, keep up the good work.

Don't like anonymous posts? Tough. Should have thought about that when you set up the site. It's an allowed option, is it not?

I could come up with a handle or could use an assumed name. For now, I'm Anonymous.

"For now, I'm Anonymouse."

Congratulations, and you're dumb as shit. That was my point.

Now, now. behave yourselves, all of you. Karen is indeed always a bag of douche. Dane Cook says so, so it must be true.

The statement wasn't idiotic, Drizzler. It was a reference.

Re: what has Rob Schremp ever done to earn such a flattering nickname as 'the Hockey Jesus'?

Regular Jesus didn't have to do anything to get his name.

He's also the worst spammer in the entire world. Does he not know that not only can he use the "other" radio button to create a linkable name that would take people to the spam site, but also use "A HREF=" tags to make an actual link?

Its gotta be some pretty good spam to justify running the mouse cursor over the entire URL and hitting Ctrl-C. And you'll never hit that accidentally or force of habit.

I think you have to do something with your 'vaunted' definition so as to more accurately reflect the tone of Peter's post when he introduced it into the B of A lexicon...

peter said...
At what point does the 'vaunted Oilers offence' become unvaunted? I really don't think these guys can vaunt. I am seeing no vaunt. No vaunt at all. Pisani certainly had no vaunt on that lame-ass penalty shot.

Go Flames.

November 07, 2006 8:35 PM

Maybe you could changed it to 'unvaunted' and then add a definition saying something to the effect of 'what happens to something that was previously rumoured to be vaunted, but then falls short of expectations'?

Just a thought...


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