Tuesday, June 27, 2006



Some more Chris Pronger business to take care of. It's like the mob: I keep trying to get out, but it keeps pulling me back in!

1) The nickname "The Orbs of Power" obviously must be revoked. As Cosh stated yesterday, when I brought up the topic: "I don't want to hear those three words in that order again." My initial hope was that by some twist of fate the Prongers would come back from Mexico, Lauren would have a Tammy Faye Bakker moment and beg us all for forgiveness, and we would all end up a happy family again. I think we are beyond that point now, though.

In the same way that Superman's powers are fueled by his proximity to the Earth's yellow sun, The Orbs have clearly been powered by the love and adoration of the Oilers faithful. As Pronger has betrayed the source of his superhuman capabilities, The Orbs have been drained and now run dry. I have never been clear on whether or not the name held totemic power in the same manner as the Orbs themselves, but at this point it does not matter. The love-rocks are Kryptonite, and The Orbs of Power are dead.

2) We need a new nickname for Chris Pronger, as well as his wife Lauren. Usually our nicknames have been developed organically, but extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Ahab and Jezebel have been tested out, as has Yoko Pronger. The first two suck, and the last one hasn't stuck. We need something remarkable here, people. Something clever, witty, and hilarious. Crass is fine, but too crass is unbecoming of our moral excellence. The best I can think of so far is "Chrissy and the St. Lunatic." I kinda like it, myself. I'd even put the Hannibal Lector mask on LP if I could find a good picture of her. I'll hand out a Battle of Alberta baby-tee, famously worn by Sparky Kulchisky at a local hot-tub party, to whoever comes up with the best nickname.

3) I'll also hand out an award--this time a fake Lanny McDonald mustache--to the individual who comes up with the best sign to show at a game the next time Pronger is in town. Again, funny is the goal. Keep the rage to a minimum.

4) Over on Mirtle, the Pronger debate goes on. Lyle Richardson, of Spector fame, continues to defend Pronger. He also continues to act like he is the only man in the history of humankind to ever be in a relationship, but I'll let that slide. I disagree with many of Lyle's actual arguments, in the same way I disagree with much of what Tyler has said, but I'm going to jump on only one point here. Lyle had this to say:
He's not putting his career at risk here. His wife isn't forcing him to give up his career, only to continue his career somewhere else. That's a big difference over asking him to choose between her or his hockey career.

My own take is that this is not entirely true. Pronger's credibility will take a huge hit as a result of this, and not only in Edmonton. Here's why:

a) No team other than St. Louis will ever be certain that he will honour his contract. Nor will any other team know whether they should be dealing with him, his agent, or his wife.

b) By skipping town, and letting his agent leak the story to the media before telling the Kevin Lowe, on the night before the NHL Entry Draft to boot, Pronger threw his team and his General Manager under a bus. Pronger did not act in good faith, and this will not sit well with people across the league.

c) Knowing what I know of locker rooms, he will be on the recieving end of ridicule around the league. His new teammates may also be reluctant to trust him, to go to war with him. Would you want him to be team captain after this, for example? I certainly wouldn't.

d) The goal of every NHL player is to win the Stanley Cup. Plain and simple. Eight days ago, Chris Pronger was on a team that was 60 minutes away from winning a Stanley Cup. That team was likely going to be a Stanley Cup contender for the next several years. He was in a perfect hockey situation. Now, Pronger may end up on a team--say the Chicago Blackhawks--that is light-years away from winning it. He may never get back to the finals. Hell, he may never even get back to the playoffs. Sure, he'll make money, and he'll probably even win some awards. But ten years from now it is likely that Chris Pronger will be remembered as the poor guy who lost his only chance at winning hockey's ultimate prize. Not only will his story read like an Onion article, he'll go down as a guy who never rose to the level of "champion."

In my opinion, Pronger really has chosen his wife over his hockey career. If that's his choice, then fine. There isn't anything we as fans can do to stop him. But it is the hockey equivalent of making Ted McGinley a cast member on your television show. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Chris Pronger has just gone from being the Fonz to Arthur Fonzarelli in a matter of days.


The way the guy's letting his wife ru(i)n his career, Christie (as in Doug Christie, the most whipped man in sports history) would seem a fitting nickname, but it's not unique/funny enough.

Good start, though! Too bad we couldn't work in Anna Benson somehow.

good points AG,

re: nickname -- Adam and Eve? They have now been cast away from paradise.

In the absence of the real truth, the speculation continues . . .

In light of the Prongers' comments from when they first arrived in Edmonton, "wanting stability to raise their children" -- I think they really wanted to make it happen.

So, on the morning after CP's closest chance at the cup, with a team he led -- what would makes him throw that away when he knew he could have 4 more chances to lead this team?

He must have been really bad to have to go this far beyond several dozen rozes of penance.

If indeed, this is the case, then the problem will follow them wherever they go.

However, there are children involved -- and if this is an attempt to the best for them -- I can live with that.

Shit, that whole Captain business hadn't even occured to me.

Anaheim made Scott Niedermayer their Captain on like the first day of training camp, right? I wondered all year why Pronger didn't even pick up an 'A' -- it's not like the team didn't need a shakeup at times this year -- but suddenly, it makes obvious sense.

The only question is whether it was a group decision with the coaches, or whether Pronger demurred, explicitly deferring to Gator and Smyth (under a disingenuous premise).

I think (and I would still assume) that that was a personality thing. It's not really traditional to make a chatterbox type the captain--you want someone who uses the soapbox judiciously, I guess.

I agree. Especially about the defense of putting family first. I started thinking my complete rage over this debacle was unjustified because he's a family man and has family to deal with etc.

But. My sister had the same thing. She moved from BC, far way from family, to southern Alberta. Flat lands, no mountains, etc. But worse, no family or friends to speak of. And she did this without the benefit of her husband making $6 million US a year. She has to raise 3 kids without the comforts the prongers are afforded. But she doesn't complain, she doesn't tell her husband to find a job elsewhere, she doesn't phone his employer and demand a trade, she doesn't threaten divorce, etc. This is not love, it's pure selfishness. She's not thinking of Chris, she's thinking of herself. That's not a marriage.

As for the kids, kids are the most adaptable. There'll be a few days of stress at making friends at a new school but that's quickly abated. Out of everyone, kids can change. Being Chris Pronger's child would make it even more so.

Big mistake Chris. The Oilers are winning the Stanley Cup this season and your name isn't going to be on it. You can thank your selfish, ultimatum giving uncompromising wife for that.

Hmm. Pronger nickname.

How about Shitter?

A .500 club makes the Stanley Cup Finals and now their fanbase thinks they are an elite team that will be in the running every single season.

Don't let the miracle run skew the fact that you'll be losing Samsonov and that your forward roster was already kind of thin as it was. If Roloson jets, then you are quite screwed.

Pronger looks like a beaver with the big gap in his teeth. I always went with 'Gap-tooth'

Where in my comment did I say the Oilers were an elite team? Talk about reading more into a statement than there is. There is no elite teams in hockey anymore. Point one out. The Red Wings looked like an elite team until they faced Edmonton in the first round. Then their age and lack of scoring prowess showed otherwise. Ottawa maybe? For all the talent, an injured goaltender and lack of production in scoring in the post-season showed weakness.

I simply stated that the Oilers will win the Stanley Cup this coming season. I say that and believe it every season.

"If Roloson jets you're screwed." Now our next "miracle" run is resting on the shoulders of Dwayne? I thought it rested on the shoulders of Pronger returning.

Of course, given the fact you're a Vancouverite, home of a team that's supposed to be elite and talented and another "500" club, I can understand the bitterness.

How about you just worry about signing Jovo. Or you're screwed.

Um, Anonymous, where did you say anything in this thread?

I do agree that Golbez is losing his mind, though. Must be that whole Millionaires thing. Look what it has done to Benjamin.

Jes Golbez said:

"Pronger looks like a beaver with the big gap in his teeth. I always went with 'Gap-tooth'"

Cannot believe nobody has brought up how Prongs bears an eerie resemblance to a young David Letterman. Because of that, I dub thee...what else? 'Letterman Jr.'.

As for Prongs' honey, I hafta admit that I like "Yoko Pronger". When I first read about Chris' wife's input with the pending trade this morning, I could not place my finger on it at the time, but I said to myself how that is so reminiscent of someone else I've heard of. In honor of this revelation, I'll have to crank up the Barenaked Ladies' "Be My Yoko" AND imagine Pronger singing it. But, I will wait until after lunch to do that...afterall, I want to be able to stomach my lunch. ;D

I've always thought Pronger looked more like Jack Nicholson than anyone, and given his recent antics, perhaps McMurphy would be fitting. That has the benefit of being able to call Lauren Pronger Nurse Ratchet. It's a little convoluted, though. Maybe Orbs of Betrayal?

As for the sign, though, how about, "Hey Pronger, my wife's at home"?

Andy, Jes couldn't care less about the Canucks. Should stop by his site sometime.

Andy is a god!!! Don't try to reason with Spector over on Mirtles site. He's resorted to calling people names now.

Ted McGinley did some good work on Married With Children.

That's not even up for debate

People have the wrong idea as to what's gone down. Please visit my new blog to find out the TRUTH.


Well, now that I know THE TRUTH. That changes everything.

(Enter some sort of Jose Theodore - Paris Hilton reference here.)

"anonymous" posting was by moi. Don't know why the name didn't show up.

yeah, mirtle, i visited his sidney crosby blog. weird for a vancouverite to have that. but everyone in vancouver is a "long suffering" canucks fan until proven otherwise.

The story of Pronger being unfaithful was the first thing most of us thought of, as it seemed like the only reason millionaires couldn't make living in Edmonton work for them. But if it is the case, why ask to be traded south of the border? Wouldn't any city other than Edmonton, and maybe Calgary or Vancouver, be sufficient?

Where are our investigatve journalists when we need them?

No matter what new name you give Pronger on this site, the fans will overrule it the very next time he plays on Edmonton ice.... he will be called "BOOOOOOOOO"

But how about "Apostata non grata"?

"Benedict Pronger"?

Not much, I know, but that's all I got.

About what to do with him, how about send him to a shitty team (Chicago, St. Louis) for a couple first round draft picks and a couple prospects or some young blood, then use the extra money from his un-used salary to land Chara?

I'm torn between whether "Brutus" or "Judas" is more approprirate. Although because its a woman fucking it all up, if he plays lousy next year "Samson" might be appropriate. I hope we trade him and he's crushed by a falling pillar.

Rumours are now flying about how Pronger has been sleeping around - i.e. the "real" reason for wanting to move: A 17-year old connected to someone prominent in the city, as well as some 19-year old and this local celebrity:
I will of course be sad to see him go, but if true these stories only re-inforce the "Orbs" persona that we've all come to know and love.

Re: Nickname.

Acid Queen has called him "My Golden Bitch" for years. I think Golden Bitch and Mrs. Golden Bitch works well.


The Apostate, if because of the definition of apostasy from the wikipedia, which ends with "...a term generally employed to describe the formal renunciation of one's religion, especially if the motive is deemed unworthy."

Maybe this is too obvious, but the nickname *Orbs of Power* should be retained, just transferred to the missus. Then Mr. Pronger can be "Pecans of Devotion", or something.

The Orbs of Sour and his Orange Queen of Mound City.

I always thought that CP looked like the giant version of Conan O'Brien. The haircut, the funny smile, the facial shape.

Soooo .. i know the reason why he's leaving ....

Are you pregnant? Is there a woman of legal age in this town who Pronger didn't knock up?

The Orbs on a Leash is suddenly leaping to mind.

Dastardly and Muttley?

Gracea83's profile says 16, which makes me think a woman not of legal age might make even more sense than a woman of legal age.

Sounds like there's gonna be a baby boom in edmonton in a few months time, what with all the impregnating Pronger has been doing.

it will always be Chris and Yoko to me...

off to Montreal with them in some sort of three way deal so we can get some good players...
she will enjoy setting up house in that town...beeotch

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