Some more Chris Pronger business to take care of. It's like the mob: I keep trying to get out, but it keeps pulling me back in!

1) The nickname "The Orbs of Power" obviously must be revoked. As Cosh stated yesterday, when I brought up the topic: "I don't want to hear those three words in that order again." My initial hope was that by some twist of fate the Prongers would come back from Mexico, Lauren would have a Tammy Faye Bakker moment and beg us all for forgiveness, and we would all end up a happy family again. I think we are beyond that point now, though.

In the same way that Superman's powers are fueled by his proximity to the Earth's yellow sun, The Orbs have clearly been powered by the love and adoration of the Oilers faithful. As Pronger has betrayed the source of his superhuman capabilities, The Orbs have been drained and now run dry. I have never been clear on whether or not the name held totemic power in the same manner as the Orbs themselves, but at this point it does not matter. The love-rocks are Kryptonite, and The Orbs of Power are dead.



2) We need a new nickname for Chris Pronger, as well as his wife Lauren. Usually our nicknames have been developed organically, but extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Ahab and Jezebel have been tested out, as has Yoko Pronger. The first two suck, and the last one hasn't stuck. We need something remarkable here, people. Something clever, witty, and hilarious. Crass is fine, but too crass is unbecoming of our moral excellence. The best I can think of so far is "Chrissy and the St. Lunatic." I kinda like it, myself. I'd even put the Hannibal Lector mask on LP if I could find a good picture of her. I'll hand out a Battle of Alberta baby-tee, famously worn by Sparky Kulchisky at a local hot-tub party, to whoever comes up with the best nickname.



3) I'll also hand out an award--this time a fake Lanny McDonald mustache--to the individual who comes up with the best sign to show at a game the next time Pronger is in town. Again, funny is the goal. Keep the rage to a minimum.

4) Over on Mirtle, the Pronger debate goes on. Lyle Richardson, of Spector fame, continues to defend Pronger. He also continues to act like he is the only man in the history of humankind to ever be in a relationship, but I'll let that slide. I disagree with many of Lyle's actual arguments, in the same way I disagree with much of what Tyler has said, but I'm going to jump on only one point here. Lyle had this to say:

He's not putting his career at risk here. His wife isn't forcing him to give up his career, only to continue his career somewhere else. That's a big difference over asking him to choose between her or his hockey career.

My own take is that this is not entirely true. Pronger's credibility will take a huge hit as a result of this, and not only in Edmonton. Here's why:

a) No team other than St. Louis will ever be certain that he will honour his contract. Nor will any other team know whether they should be dealing with him, his agent, or his wife.

b) By skipping town, and letting his agent leak the story to the media before telling the Kevin Lowe, on the night before the NHL Entry Draft to boot, Pronger threw his team and his General Manager under a bus. Pronger did not act in good faith, and this will not sit well with people across the league.

c) Knowing what I know of locker rooms, he will be on the recieving end of ridicule around the league. His new teammates may also be reluctant to trust him, to go to war with him. Would you want him to be team captain after this, for example? I certainly wouldn't.

d) The goal of every NHL player is to win the Stanley Cup. Plain and simple. Eight days ago, Chris Pronger was on a team that was 60 minutes away from winning a Stanley Cup. That team was likely going to be a Stanley Cup contender for the next several years. He was in a perfect hockey situation. Now, Pronger may end up on a team--say the Chicago Blackhawks--that is light-years away from winning it. He may never get back to the finals. Hell, he may never even get back to the playoffs. Sure, he'll make money, and he'll probably even win some awards. But ten years from now it is likely that Chris Pronger will be remembered as the poor guy who lost his only chance at winning hockey's ultimate prize. Not only will his story read like an Onion article, he'll go down as a guy who never rose to the level of "champion."

In my opinion, Pronger really has chosen his wife over his hockey career. If that's his choice, then fine. There isn't anything we as fans can do to stop him. But it is the hockey equivalent of making Ted McGinley a cast member on your television show. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Chris Pronger has just gone from being the Fonz to Arthur Fonzarelli in a matter of days.