Monday, July 31, 2006

 

Stop it! You're Making The Baby Jesus Cry

"You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it."
--Kevin Spacey, The Ref


Chris Pronger is now trying to make himself out as a martyr for his family. Yes, it is us big, bad Oilers fans who are out to destroy you, Chris. You were totally professional about things, what with the skipping town, letting your agent make the request the night before the draft, leaking the story to the media, and giving a Bill Clinton-esque performance at your "press conference"... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Hat tip to Mirtle for the story.


At least I have my own new nickname for the guy: Mom.


In other news, Ken Holland wins the non-existent "steal of the off-season award" for his signing of Dominik Hasek. Money has not been disclosed, but everyone seems to think it is in the 500K to 1.5 million range, with lots of incentives. As Avi noted to me in an email entitled Damn Red Wings, "Detroit will now have the best dollars-to-performance ratio for goaltending in the league." I couldn't agree more. And before any of you start complaining about his age and his injuries, take a look at the number-one goalie on our depth chart.

Comments:

I have my own personal nickname for him. It's unprintable.
 


This isn't print. Is the nickname "Cockface Stinkfuck"?
 


Fuck. That is funny.
 


I wouldn't want to make Chrissy cry.
 


I doubt Pronger's credibility will be too shot with any team south of the snow belt. I believe the major problem Laurie had was her hatred of -40C temperatures, and the fact that Edmonton isn't a big US city.

Anaheim is perfect for her, lots of sun and good weather, it's a US city, and has all the fake bullshit trappings of a US city. Sad to say but she got exactly what she wanted and is probably pleased as punch at the way things have gone.

Personally I still wish Chris would have just told her to fuck off, grow up, and learn to live in Edmonton.
 


Any word on where a link can be found for the "too lazy to register" crowd?
 


Cockface stinkfuck is my new favourite insult.
 


actually, i heard two rumors (apart from the newscaster affair) about why he wanted to be traded. first was that pronger had an affair w/the underage daughter of one of the oiler's owners, and was discovered by lauren, who demanded that they leave edmonton b/c of it. second rumor is that one of pronger's previous affairs moved to edmonton, to the prongers neighborhood, and lauren freaked out about this.

either way, he's still an idiot.
 


What about the rumor that Mrs. Pronger was screwing Ty Conklin? That one is my personal favorite. (Although it would be even funnier if Chris was screwing Conklin - maybe someone should start spreading that one around...)
 


Cool. Up until now, I've only ever used "cockface stinkfuck" as a verb.

Call George Carlin.
 


I've just whipped together a Firefox extension that automatically replaces every instance of "Chris Pronger" with "Cockface Stinkfuck" in the text of every website I view. Sure it's childish, but it makes me happy.

MH
 


That is awesome.
 


"I've just whipped together a Firefox extension that automatically replaces every instance of "Chris Pronger" with "Cockface Stinkfuck" in the text of every website I view. Sure it's childish, but it makes me happy.

MH"

You sir scare me...truly and deeply.
 


Even scarier? Now that it's built it's really easy to extend. I'm thinking turning it into a Battle of Alberta extension, so that every page on the 'net uses BoA nicknames and terms.
 

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