Thursday, November 22, 2007

 

Fear and Loathing in Le Edmonton: A Savage Journey to the Heartland of Hockey

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."


That is correct, Dr. J. Now begone—go dunk on Michael Cooper. Leave Dog and Dr. Skunk alone. It is time for us to slake our thirst for mead and mutton, time to quench our desire for mushrooms and medicinals. It is time for Dog and Dr. Skunk to travel down, down into the murky depths of depravity. But do not fret. Do not worry. Dr. Skunk has this weekend all planned out.........


Edmonton International Airport…assuming he and his Tom Selleck get through security, Dr. Skunk will pick up Dog on Friday afternoon. On the way to getting his luggage, Dog will admire the jumbo “You’re In Oil Country” sign that greets him, as well as the Maritimer slave-women who serve milk and honey sandwiches in containers made from $1000 bills. Welcome to Edmonton, Alberta…

Sam Abouhassan Custom Clothiers…legend has it that The Sather used to take every Oilers rookie to Sam’s shop, where they’d be suited up in new garb. What’s good enough for Slats is good enough for Dr. Skunk. Dog the Rookie will purchase a suit, and then give his own left testicle to Abouhassan as tribute to the tailor’s benevolence...

Boston Pizza…Dog is completely deprived of such succulence in The Hinterland. Here he will be sated on Alberta beef and local spirits. And believe me, he will be pleased…

Mark Messier Trail…we will venture down the path of darkness, like Orpheus in search of lost love. Flames will nip at our heels, with one cupping towards us before fading away. The howling screams of broken-boned Europeans will attempt to deter us, Sirens of despair and unaccomplished glory. But Dog and Dr. Skunk will not be held back. No. We will reach the land of Brother Moose, and there delight in the radiant splendour of the Communion of Saints…

Clare Drake Arenaon this night, the Golden Bears of Alberta will play the Thunderbirds of British Columbia. Dog will have no choice but to admire the Banners of Dominance in the arena. We will not be alone. Other souls will join us, and we will taunt and mock and jeer the T-Birds until they can stand no more, weeping as the Bears roll over them, failed-seekers of CIS success…

RATT…the room at the top of the world. Seat of government to the north. Seat of industry to the east. Seat of roller coaster to the west. It is here that Dog and Dr. Skunk and Cosh and Muhly and all the great men and women of the City of Champions shall spit in the face of their own mortality. And then laugh. We will end the night triumphantly, warmed by hard drink, firm friendship, and the monumental gases of discourse…

University Optical…this is where The Lorieau makes a living, so this is where Dog and Dr. Skunk will begin their Saturn day. We will beg the master to sing to us. We will rend our hair and gnash our teeth until he concedes. When he grants us our wish, and begins to serenade us with the “O’s” and the “Native Lands,” our hearts will be overjoyed, and our delirium tremens will subside. It will be as if a choir of Angels has breathed new life into our lungs, and we will take to the day with vigour and vitality…

The Black Dog Freehouse…we must of course visit here, so that Dog can mingle with and mount his kin. Dog can also then walk the Holy Ground known as Whyte, a land where in 2006 sots and rebel rousers sacrificed blood and dignity for Oil and for Grail. White pickup trucks will litter the streets and avenues, bull nuts dangling from their rears…

Katz Manor…we will look upon it from afar. Dr. Skunk will say to Dog, “I fooled around with that dude once, you know”…

Bearclaw Gallery…to witness the artistry of Aaron Paquette, commenter and friend of the Oilogosphere. Dr. Skunk will encourage Aaron to stroke the lip hair of Dog. Aaron will recoil at the sight of the great beast, and Dr. Skunk will giggle and chuckle and howl at the moon…

Sherlock Holmes Pub…the location of a lost and seemingly forgotten treasure: many, many, MANY pictures of drunken media members from the 80’s. Dog and Dr. Skunk will look at them all, taking pictures of pictures taken of Cole and MacLean and Neale and Hughson and Strachan and Davidson and some guys who wrote for the Sun, and then emailing them all to Jiri Tlusty…

Overtime Broiler and Taproom…this is merely an advance scouting exercise. Will it be a suitable location for post-game libations? Will there be Cougars for the Dog to bite? Will we get in without black leather jackets and thinning hair? Is that Mickey Rourke Dr. Skunk sees in the corner? So many questions, so little time…

Rexall Place…Mecca. As we approach on Wayne Gretzky Drive, Dog will stick his head out the window, sniffing the air and wagging his tongue. He will be so excited getting out of the car, Dr. Skunk will have to put him on a leash. We will get our picture taken in front of the statue of The Great One, and Dog will pee on His leg. We will run away from members of the Canadian Armed Forces, who do not understand that Dog is urinating out of love. Inside, it will be Literally. Crush. We will not care. Dog has already gone to the bathroom. Dog will look for merchandise while Dr. Skunk checks out the goods. Five Stanley Cup banners overlook the rink, silent testaments to history. Yet it is the rookies Dog and Dr. Skunk look forward to watching. Gagner West, Cogs, and Gilbert Gilbert. Kane and Toews, too. Four of the five are twenty or under. The game will be excellent. The seats will be, too. The Oil will win, and the fanatics will spill out of Rexall, drunk on victory and overpriced beer…

Downtown… we will meet up with the others, having barely escaped the wrath of roving gangs of Hobo Terrorists. The night will become a blur, as liquids and toxins fill our bellies. During a moment of lucidity, Dog will look over at Dr. Skunk, and tears will well up in his eyes. He will get on his knees and worship the awesomeness of Dr. Skunk. Dr. Skunk will tap Dog on the shoulder—like a King granting Knighthood—and then will utter the most solemn of words to his loyal hound: “Get the fuck up, Pat. You’re embarrassing me."

Comments:

So that’s the plan. Any who want to join us at RATT on Friday are welcome to. I assume we will be up there by 10:00, 10:30 at the latest. I don’t know how long we will stay there, but that’s where we will start. As for Saturday, I’m still not sure what we are doing after the game. Let’s discuss here, and then I’ll post final plans for that on Friday or Saturday.
 


Nice.

The only thing missing is Purple City.
 


It's going to be one big purple city, no bright lights required!
 


Uhhh...you might wanna rethink Overtime. Its clientele has changed somewhat over the past couple of years.
 


The only thing missing is Purple City.

Uhhh...you might wanna rethink Overtime. Its clientele has changed somewhat over the past couple of years.

This is an approximation of an itinerary, not a real one. I wasn't expecting Pat to buy a suit and cut off a testicle, either.
 


Question on pronunciation: Is Gilbert Gilbert pronounced the way its spelled or en francais (gilles-bear gilles-bear) or some combination (Gilbert Gilles-Bear), etc.?

Or can you only use the french when le is used (as in, "I can't believe Le Gilles-bear Gilles-bear scored a ppg.")
 


Question on pronunciation: Is Gilbert Gilbert pronounced the way its spelled or en francais (gilles-bear gilles-bear) or some combination (Gilbert Gilles-Bear), etc.?

Here's the original explanation:

"I'm watching with Cosh, Avi and Abboud, and we've decided that we need to give Gilbert the Francophone bump. The name is now pronounced as if he was born in Chicoutami, and we are trying out new first names.

We've decided upon Gilbert Gilbert."

So it is en francais. Gilles-bear Gilles-bear. The "le" is unnecessary in this case. Of course it is recommended in many other situations. Loxy was just pounding the strike zone with them the other day, for example.

Hope this helps.
 


This is an approximation of an itinerary, not a real one. I wasn't expecting Pat to buy a suit and cut off a testicle, either.


But, you did fool around with Katz once...or twice.
 


City of what now?.....
 


Uhhh...you might wanna rethink Overtime. Its clientele has changed somewhat over the past couple of years.

It couldn't have possibly gotten worse, could it?
 


I am ready, aye, ready!
 


City of what now?.....

Champions. If there is another Canadian city that wants to make that claim, I'd be happy to hear it.
 


"It couldn't have possibly gotten worse, could it?"

Lets just say that being white and university educated would make Andy quite visible there now. Place has turned into a gong show. Too bad. It used to be hot.

So many better places so close by. Beware though. Downtown fills up pretty quick after the game these days.
 


I'll be at the Bears game tomorrow night. Where do you usually sit? I'll have to take a look for you guys.

We'll probably be down at the end by the zamboni gate.
 


"RATT…the room at the top of the world. Seat of government to the north. Seat of industry to the east. Seat of roller coaster to the west."

I loved that. Why didn't you pen that and send it to me a couple years ago?
That would have been on every ad and menu.
Now I don't care.

Seat of roller coaster to the west..... nice. Comedy uses three beats - you hit the third beat hard.
Nice work Andy.
 


"RATT…the room at the top of the world. Seat of government to the north. Seat of industry to the east. Seat of roller coaster to the west."

I can't wait til Pat sees how true that is. And thank you for the kind words, sir.

Allan, that's where we sit, too. I'll see you. You'll see me.
 


So many better places so close by. Beware though. Downtown fills up pretty quick after the game these days.

What!? Without an arena there? That's unpossible!
 



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banged babysitters -
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big mouthfuls -
big naturals -
big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
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flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
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in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
jerk that cock bitch -
kelsey xxx -
knocked up nina -
latina girl girl -
lesbian teen hunter -
little naughty nymphos -
mandys diary -
mexxxi cunts -
midnight lurkers -
mike in brazil -
mikes apartment -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my busty girlfriend -
naughty indian girls -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
papi -
pimp my black teen -
please bang my wife -
pov squirt alert -
public invasion -
pump that ass -
real dp dolls -
real hooker videos -
reality kings -
reality pass plus -
real orgasms -
real teens kissing -
round and brown -
round mound of ass -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
security cam sex -
see her squirt -
servere penetrations -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
slap that butt -
sleep invasion -
smut bus -
solo videos -
 


stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
suck it you whore -
swallow for cash -
sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the hoes we choked -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
tinys black adventures -
tongues and toys -
tranny surprise -
tug jobs -
vanessa teen -
vip crew -
voyeur intrusion -
we live together -
whore gaggers -
wild party whores -
xxx proposal -
dangerous dongs -
8th street latinas -
40 inch plus -
adult friend finder -
all reality pass -
all sites access -
all star porn girls -
amazing footjobs -
anal in the amazon -
angels with dildos -
asian girl girl -
ass army -
ass arsenal -
ass parade -
bait bus -
ball honeys -
bangbros network -
bang bus -
banged babysitters -
bare bum mountain -
barefoot maniacs -
be the bitch -
big ass adventure -
big cock addiction -
big cock teen addiction -
big league facials -
big mouthfuls -
big naturals -
big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
big titty bangers -
booty catchers -
boys first time -
brandi belle -
brit bangers -
bust that cherry -
busty adventures -
cam crush -
cams -
captain stabbin -
casting couch teens -
cfnm exposed -
cfnm idol -
classics of porn -
coeds need cash -
college teens book bang -
cumfiesta -
cum girls -
cumisha jones -
dangerous dongs -
dirty teachers pet -
drilled and filled -
ebony internal -
erotic spank -
escort trick -
euro sex parties -
fill my pink -
first time auditions -
fling -
flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
huge movie pass -
in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
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mandys diary -
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my busty girlfriend -
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sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
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see her squirt -
servere penetrations -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
slap that butt -
sleep invasion -
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stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
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sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the hoes we choked -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
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bare bum mountain -
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be the bitch -
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big league facials -
big mouthfuls -
big naturals -
big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
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first time auditions -
fling -
flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
huge movie pass -
in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
jerk that cock bitch -
kelsey xxx -
knocked up nina -
latina girl girl -
lesbian teen hunter -
little naughty nymphos -
mandys diary -
mexxxi cunts -
midnight lurkers -
mike in brazil -
mikes apartment -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my busty girlfriend -
naughty indian girls -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
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please bang my wife -
pov squirt alert -
public invasion -
pump that ass -
real dp dolls -
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real orgasms -
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round mound of ass -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
security cam sex -
see her squirt -
servere penetrations -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
slap that butt -
sleep invasion -
smut bus -
solo videos -
stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
suck it you whore -
swallow for cash -
sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the hoes we choked -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
tinys black adventures -
tongues and toys -
tranny surprise -
tug jobs -
vanessa teen -
vip crew -
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we live together -
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40 inch plus -
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all sites access -
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ass army -
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banged babysitters -
bare bum mountain -
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be the bitch -
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big league facials -
big mouthfuls -
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big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
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fill my pink -
first time auditions -
fling -
flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
huge movie pass -
in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
jerk that cock bitch -
kelsey xxx -
knocked up nina -
latina girl girl -
lesbian teen hunter -
little naughty nymphos -
mandys diary -
mexxxi cunts -
midnight lurkers -
mike in brazil -
mikes apartment -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my busty girlfriend -
naughty indian girls -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
papi -
pimp my black teen -
please bang my wife -
pov squirt alert -
public invasion -
pump that ass -
real dp dolls -
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reality pass plus -
real orgasms -
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round and brown -
round mound of ass -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
security cam sex -
see her squirt -
servere penetrations -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
slap that butt -
sleep invasion -
smut bus -
solo videos -
stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
suck it you whore -
swallow for cash -
sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the hoes we choked -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
tinys black adventures -
tongues and toys -
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vanessa teen -
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ass army -
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banged babysitters -
bare bum mountain -
barefoot maniacs -
big ass adventure -
big cock addiction -
big cock teen addiction -
big league facials -
big mouthfuls -
big naturals -
big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
big titty bangers -
booty catchers -
boys first time -
brandi belle -
brit bangers -
bust that cherry -
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cumfiesta -
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dangerous dongs -
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drilled and filled -
ebony internal -
erotic spank -
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euro sex parties -
fill my pink -
first time auditions -
fling -
flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
huge movie pass -
in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
kelsey xxx -
knocked up nina -
latina girl girl -
lesbian teen hunter -
little naughty nymphos -
mandys diary -
mexxxi cunts -
mike in brazil -
mikes apartment -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my busty girlfriend -
naughty indian girls -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
papi -
pimp my black teen -
please bang my wife -
pov squirt alert -
public invasion -
pump that ass -
real dp dolls -
real hooker videos -
reality kings -
reality pass plus -
real orgasms -
real teens kissing -
round and brown -
round mound of ass -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
see her squirt -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
smut bus -
solo videos -
stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
swallow for cash -
sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
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tranny surprise -
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banged babysitters -
bare bum mountain -
barefoot maniacs -
big ass adventure -
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big league facials -
big mouthfuls -
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big tit patrol -
big tits round asses -
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coeds need cash -
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dangerous dongs -
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drilled and filled -
ebony internal -
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fill my pink -
first time auditions -
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flower tucci -
freaks of porn -
gangbang facial -
giants black meat white treat -
her thick black ass -
horny spanish flies -
huge gay pass -
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in focus girls -
intense penetrations -
internal explosions -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
kelsey xxx -
knocked up nina -
latina girl girl -
lesbian teen hunter -
little naughty nymphos -
mandys diary -
mexxxi cunts -
mike in brazil -
mikes apartment -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my busty girlfriend -
naughty indian girls -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
papi -
pimp my black teen -
please bang my wife -
pov squirt alert -
public invasion -
pump that ass -
real dp dolls -
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reality kings -
reality pass plus -
real orgasms -
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round and brown -
round mound of ass -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
security cam chronicles -
see her squirt -
she has a negro problem -
shemale ultra -
smut bus -
solo videos -
stracy stone -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
swallow for cash -
sweet suckers -
team squirt -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the mother fucker -
tina blaze -
tinys black adventures -
tongues and toys -
tranny surprise -
tug jobs -
vanessa teen -
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we live together -
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giants black meat white treat -
heels and hoes -
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hung like a whore -
im live -
in focus girls -
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in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
its just chocolate -
jake bustsnuts -
knob squad -
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little coco -
max hardcore porn -
mike in brazil -
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mr cameltoe -
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the big swallow -
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heels and hoes -
horny spanish flies -
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knob squad -
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team squirt -
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the big swallow -
the dirty old man -
thugs and juggs -
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french pee -
gag fuck -
ghetto hoochies -
giants black meat white treat -
heels and hoes -
horny spanish flies -
hung like a whore -
im live -
in focus girls -
inter mixed -
in the vip -
i spy camel toe -
its just chocolate -
jake bustsnuts -
knob squad -
kung pao pussy -
lesbian teen hunter -
little coco -
max hardcore porn -
mike in brazil -
milf hunter -
milf lessons -
milf next door -
miss pain -
money talks -
monsters of cock -
mr big dicks hot chicks -
mr cameltoe -
mr chews asian beaver -
my first porn scene -
orgy ental -
ox pass -
panties and fannies -
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penis palooza -
phat booty brazil -
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round mound of ass -
sado slaves -
sammy4u -
sapphic erotica -
see her squirt -
she fucks guys -
street blowjobs -
street ranger -
summer time milf -
sweet auditions -
sweet loads -
taylor bow -
team squirt -
teenie video -
teeny bopper club -
the big swallow -
the dirty old man -
thugs and juggs -
tight buttholes -
tinys black adventures -
tranny surprise -
tug jobs -
vip crew -
we live together -
white slave whores -
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xxx proposal -
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40 inch plus -
abbraxa porn -
adult friend finder -
all reality pass -
all sites access -
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asian creamy pies -
ass parade -
athens girls -
bait bus -
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