Monday, April 30, 2007

 

How I Spent My Saturday Night

Andy: So, whaddya wanna do?
Nate: I don't know. What do you wanna do?
Andy: God, I can't think of anything.
(two minutes of silence)
Nate: If only there was an empty hockey arena downtown for us to go hang out around, hey?
(Andy spits out his drink)

Turns out we went to Suede, a hipster lounge west of Jasper and 109th. I never would have known it if I relied on the baby booming white guys at the Edmonton Journal, but the bar was packed, and the area was hopping. Even more shocking, we ran into some people who had been at Rexall that night for the John Mayer concert. They were able to travel the 7 km from Rexall to the bar, and had done so without facing hobo terrorists bent on their destruction. Furthermore, their legs weren't broken from the terribly cramped seats in Rexall, and they told me the bathrooms weren't overflowing with waste and human bodies. I was shocked, because Pat Laforge told me that "the crush space in the food and beverage area is literally crush." LITERALLY. CRUSH. John MacKinnon told me that Laforge "just finished abjectly apologizing for the Oilers' non-playoff season, for Pete's sake," so there's not a chance he would be trying to mislead me. It was obviously the people who went to the concert who were lying. Just more Edmonton rednecks trying to keep the visionary Edmonton Journal writers EIG Mayor Mandel from spending their money on things they don't understand. So I spat in the face of the rednecks, ordered my Kool-Aid at the bar that really wasn't busy (the rednecks must have tricked me on that one too), and picked up the Sunday Journal. And I lived happily ever after. THE END.

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Comments:

As some people have noted to me when the new arena comes up, after Oilers games you find Rexall patrons on Whyte, at West Ed, and at every casino and nightclub in the burg. There's no reason to believe this will change if the arena gets moved to...wait for it... a more central location.
 


"Hobo terrorists." Heh heh.

Indeed, downtown has been showing signs of life for a while now, with something like Oliver Square proving that high population density (condos), with a right mix of commercial and residential properties does more for revitalization than a rink that's empty most nights of the year. For the first time ever, I came back home last summer and I spent most of my time off Whyte Ave, going to bars along Jasper.

I'm still holding out that one day, finally, 124th Street will be the "new Whyte Ave."

Surrounded by a huge parking lot, arterial roads, and a LRT station that funnels people directly into the arena, Rexall already has solved a problem of traffic congestion that a new downtown arena would only create.
 


Mike - I know more about 124 Street than 99% of Edmontonians - do not hold your breath waiting for the new Whyte Avenue - I know because I was Executive Director of the 124 Street BRZ for five years - it was never intended to be an all nighter party street....

As far as revitalizing downtown goes - people living there will get that done. Put 2,000 condos / apartments on the proposed Arena land - watch the City Hall / Churchill Square area become an activity core all hours of the day & night.

Put an arena there - I guarantee that 20 years down the road - the citizens of Edmonton will be hunting down Mandel to burn him and his "lack of visionaries" at the stake...

If I am alive, I will lead the charge....
 


it was never intended to be an all nighter party street....

God forbid. I meant Whyte Ave before it became a puke-trough beer zone.
 


I'm really gonna miss your crusade to keep Rectal place Andy....this is gold even if I don't support your point of view.

Rexall place is a shit hole...I can't wait until they tear it down put an actual NHL arena in Edmonton...not some garbage tin can that looks worse in the inside than it does next to the hookers and pawn shops on 118th and of course those lovely grain elevators that line the North Side of Rexall
 


Draft Andy Grabia for Mayoral Election!

Seriously, even if you have no chance of winning (nor any desire to win), I'll donate just so you get the soapbox to attack this arena idea where it counts.

- Mustafa Hirji
 


As far as revitalizing downtown goes - people living there will get that done. Put 2,000 condos / apartments on the proposed Arena land - watch the City Hall / Churchill Square area become an activity core all hours of the day & night.

This is exactly it. Every "alive" downtown has thousands of people living it, while every dead downtown consists almost exclusively of office space. Period. End of discussion.
 


Looks like Paula Simons is taking the heat from the Oilers nutbars. Someone like Laforge reads this story, and he laughs his ass off. The Oilers can do whatever they want in this town--jack up season ticket prices, mislead the public, steal their money for a new arena, trade the face of the franchise, and put out one of the worst products the hockey world has seen in years--and the vast majority will still blame anyone else other than them for their failings. Sad, sad, sad. I hope people email her and back her up on her questioning.
 


As to my last point, here's my suggestion: Oilers fans are the Liberals of hockey fans. No matter what, they're completely partisan.
 


I assume they'll have real security in this new building, which is a real shame.

Things I'll miss about Rexall:

1.Free beer
2.Free games
3.Bolting down the stairwell, through the boiler room, and into the gold club between periods
4.Doing the same, but not knowing north from south in that building, exiting through a door that leads to the area where the visiting team is heading for their dressing room, and having Jacque Lemaire give me the hairy eyeball as he strolls by

Things I won't miss:

1.The gong show bathrooms. They're fucking crowded and disgusting, and I'll only believe Grabia's being fair and balanced if he concedes this point.
2.The packed concourse. Maybe it's just me, but I hate feeling like a sardine in a tin, and I hate the slow crawl between periods and after games.
3.The fights that erupt between fat rednecks and myself when the panick kicks in from my clausterphobia and I begin jostling for room. I swear, just this past year, I got dropkicked in the hip by a guy wearing a FUBU hoodoe and a CAT baseball cap.
 


"LITERALLY. CRUSH." made me laugh for about 2 minutes straight.
 


I sent Paula an e-mail.

Part of the problem is the lag time between Oilers fans, their perception of the team, and actual reality.

This team makes money and subsisdizes the Nashvilles of this league, as they are not a "small market" for hockey.

Once these facts slowly sink in, hockey fans may be less willing to jump the moment EIG's talks about Edmonton's "viability" (read: give us what we want or we'll move).

For now though, it's pathetic: people aren't even asking how much this might cost to city taxpayers and they're already mad at Paula Simons.

The idea of renovated Rexall (if, indeed, it requires renovation at all) is apparently too boring or something, so we're gonna blow half a billion on the exact same thing with a condo and a Kelsey's restaurant attached.
 


Shorter Edmonton Oilers Kool-Aid drinkers: Shun the unbeliever! Shuuunnnn heerrrrr!
 


The idea of renovated Rexall (if, indeed, it requires renovation at all) is apparently too boring or something, so we're gonna blow half a billion on the exact same thing with a condo and a Kelsey's restaurant attached.

Don't forget the casino! How do you spell edgy, hip and urban? V.L.T.
 


That Candy Mountain clip is hilarious. Shun the non-believer!!! Is that a Parker/Stone concoction? I've never seen it before.
 


No idea where that Candy Mountain clip came from, just one of those things that makes its way around the internets. But the more I think about it, the more appropriate it is for this whole arena thing. Just think of Candy Mountain as the new arena, the blue and pink unicorns as Cal'n'Steven and Charlie as the taxpayer. The similarities are fucking uncanny.
 


Not to bring up past arguments, but I dont really have a problem with how things went in the last part of the Oilers season.

After the run they had in 2006, ticket prices were bound to go up - anyone with any business sense could see that coming.

As for the performance on the ice, its all Pronger's fault. Yes I'm still blaming Pronger. He stays and the Oilers are in the playoffs. Ryan Smyth gets signed and all is well. Whether or not they sign the likes of Pisani, Horcoff, Moreau, Staois and others is maybe another debate.

You can't ignore the fact that the Oilers were injury riddled for the last quarter of the season. It is and it isnt "just an excuse". The team was very depleted.

What happens if Kevin Lowe makes some great moves this summer and brings the team back into the playoffs? Is he suddenly a great GM again? Are you just gonna keep falling on either side of the fence every 6 months depending on how the teams does in that time period?

But I guess I'm just brainwashed from the propaganda that is the EIG.

-Doug
 


http://filmcow.com/flash-charlietheunicorn.html
That's where Charlie's from. I can recite that thing by heart (including the song, on a good day).
 

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