Saturday, June 24, 2006

 

Not Again, Again

Dear guys.

Words cannot express how much I hate you guys. As we fight our way northward into the great unknown, only that one thing remains certain: that I hate you guys with every tired muscle in my Confederate body. We have taken Topeka, and now I must lolly the men over to Missouri. Because I will not stop until we have won it all, and you guys are my slaves. Because, I hate you guys. I hate you guys so very very much.

Yours,
General Cartman Lee Lauren Pronger


Day Two of the Chris Pronger fiasco. Day One coverage and comments are here. The dearth of real information is excruciatingly painful. Feel free to comment in either thread, but let's try and focus on two things here, if we can. One is to vent and speculate on what the hell just happened. The other--if possible--is to guess on who might be available in return, or who we might want in return. Both will be cathartic exercises, in the same way that watching a man stab his eyes out after killing his father and sleeping with his mother was for the Greeks. Current NHL team payroll commitments and NHL free agents are here. I'll start it off: I would like Ed Jovonoski, Jay Bouwmeester, Stephen Weiss, Mike Van Ryan, Martin Havlat and the 1987-88 version of Denis Savard in return, including the Savardian Spin. I would also like a public apology from Pronger, a gift of $2 million from him and his wife to pay for policing costs on Whyte ave. during the playoff run, and one clear shot at his face. I'll even stand on a step-stool to do it. I'm not picky.

Note to Canadians in Mexico: if you see the hulking giant on the left relaxing on a beach sipping strawberry daiquiris, could you please ask him to call home? His fans would like to have a word with him.


• Fair but harsh words from Robert Tychkowski in The Edmonton Sun this morning:

The Prongers want out. They can't take it anymore. The Stanley Cup drive, the incredible scenes at Rexall Place, the hero worship and the endless supply of money are nice and all, but not enough to make them actually have to live in Edmonton eight months out of the year.

Pronger is about to replace Mike Comrie as the most hated ex-Oiler of all time.

• Nothing new or interesting from John MacKinnon in The Edmonton Journal.

• In the Globe & Mail, Eric Duhatschek is sticking with the story that it is Lauren Pronger who is unhappy in Edmonton.

• The Toronto Star is of course speculating how this could help the Leafs. If we trade for Thomas Kaberle, I'm quitting this site and leaving town.

Comments:

Has anyone thought this is a ploy to renegotiate? At 6.25 M per Pronger is suddenly underpaid.

Just a thought.

It sucks but I'm already over it.

Put him in a package to Ottawa. They'd jump at it. Get Phillips, Vermette, Fisher, whoever. Then use that money, remember the 6.25M and the 4M for Peca and sign someone or trade for some one else.

Redden?
 


Redden would be a very nice replacement for Pronger. Whereever Lowe trades him, he'd better be foccused on getting Redden back here.

What's Havlat's contract like? anyone?
 


I would rather have Bouwmeester than Phillips or Redden. For me, an ideal couple of trades would have us shipping Peca and parts to Ottawa for Havlat, and Pronger to Florida for Bouwmeester, Weiss, and Van Ryan. It's Keenan. Why not ask for the moon? Any sign and trade deal including Jovo would also make me happy.
 


It sucks but I'm already over it.

I wish I could say the same. People will mock me for this, but it hurt more than losing in Game 7. At least I was prepared for that one. I mean, who takes an Al Strachan article seriously?

I mean, fuck.
 


Pronge's wife is from St. Louis. As an Edmontonian now living in St. Louis, I'm trying to figure out what she's homesick for (yah, probably family). The desolate downtown core? The North St. Louis ghetto where crackers don't venture? Must be East St. Louis, land of strip clubs and pawnshops. This isn't some cultural metropolis: St. Louis is literally the fattest and most dangerous city in the States.
Time to go East Side......
 


At this point all I really want is an actual reason the Prongers can't (a) live here or (b) live apart for part of the year, with the family commuting between homes. About 25% of this city lives with one parent in the household away in the patch for two weeks out of every three or four. As a rule they get 1% or 2% of Pronger's salary to do it. The wife doesn't like the city? She doesn't have to live in it. The kids don't like the schools? Hire a tutor. Someone needs special healthcare? Surely $6M will buy an awful lot of it?

In fact, the only truly intractable problem I can think of occurs when X and Y are married, and X doesn't trust Y not to fuck someone behind X's back.
 


http://www.stltoday.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=367926&postdays=0&postorder=asc&&start=0

This thread is from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch forum. It was started by Bernie Miklasz (an actual reporter for the paper who is pretty responsible about the rumors he posts). Strickland often posts on the Post-Dispatch's Blues forum with accurate information. I live in St. Louis and can vouch that these guys don't post irresponsibly. Its also mentioned that Pronger's wife didn't live in Edmonton during the season - were there any Lauren Pronger sightings in Edmonton?
Its been reported that Pronger is currently back in St. Louis (how is that a vacation?)(http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=103094).
 


Thanks for the link Canadia. Cosh is right, though. An explanation is necessary. Why the hell did he sign here is she was unwilling to come in the first place? Was this always a strategy of his, to sign a deal, do some "penance" with a Canadian team, and then leave for greener pastures? And how long has Lowe known for?

Can you imagine if we HAD won the Cup? This story would be even worse.
 


Vanek to Calgary for Leopold is apparently floating around. Maybe that will bring Matt to the surface, unless he drowned himself in spittle from laughing so hard at the Pronger story.
 


I think the funniest thing is on the St. Louis boards they are suggesting that they ship Brewer, Woywitka and some pucks to Edmonton for Pronger....

I think I'd take #1 draft pick + nice young players(s). Heck, the Blues were so bad/injured last year, many of their young rookies saw time on the big team. There was a stretch (before goalie #3 Sanford, got hurt)that they were 16/19 and the rookies were fun and exciting to watch. Lots of potential young talent to choose from.

I can't even guess why he'd sign a five year deal.....maybe she agreed to "try it" for a year.
 


I wouldn't take the pick from the Blues, not with Keenan out there. We could theoretically get Bouwmeester (Group II RFA who made $946,000 last year), as well as Weiss, Van Ryan or Horton. I'd take any combo there over the #1 pick. It would also allow us to pursue Redden. Would anyone be unhappy with Redden and Bouwmeester over Pronger? I wouldn't.

This daydreaming has me feeling better already. I can see why Strachan always makes this stuff up.
 


Wow, talk about injury + insult.

Actually, this might not be that bad. Hockey pool 101: never buy a player coming off a career year. Coming off those playoffs, and with Pronger signed for the next 4 years at $6.25, he might be the most valuable commodity in the league. No matter what miracles he pulls out of his ass, by this time next year, or even by (gasp!) the trade deadline next year, his value will be diminished. Some sucker will overpay today.
 


This is abso-godamn-olutely ridiculous!

Lauren Pronger is a ho, plain and simple, and Chris Pronger is an asshole.

Screw him! Hopefully Kevin Lowe can get a decent defenseman and a scoring forward for him, or hell, maybe even the #1 pick for him.

I'd take that Toews kid over Kessel or Johnson.
 


Well all I know is everyone appears to be having more sex than me.
 


Van Ryn or Bouwmeester would both be excellent fits in Edmonton. I was thinking the Canucks might ship Jovo back to Florida for one of them, but it seems less likely now.

Edmonton will get a helluva lot in return for him, and will be better off in the end.
 


Fuck Brutus and his bitch, they signed here for five years and as such should have quietly suffered it out even if they were allergic to the water.

That being said trying to get Bergeron and Boyton from Boston, Horton and Bowmeister from Florida, or Bell and Barker from Chicago are probably our best scenarios. I'd probably also be not terribly unhappy if we traded Pronger for Hossa from Atlanta.
 


How about a policy of "Just Say No." A deal's a deal.

At least if Lowe said that publicly it might help restore Pronger's trade value.

And if we're dreaming, let's dream large: Alex Ovechkin would be a fine start. I'd give up Pronger and an aging Smyth for that kid, and there'd be a whole lot of money left over.
 


"That being said trying to get Bergeron and Boyton"

thats my new favorite scenario. Imagine bergeron feeding smytty in the goal mouth....
 


Yea, it makes me sad that Mike O'Connel and Mike Milbury couldn't have hung on for one more season when we may have to trade pronger.
 


Bergeron feeding Smytty? So he could shoot it 6 feet wide? haha
I think this Pronger behaviour will be the way of the new NHL. Players will move around tons, and we can't get too attached to them. Like how it could be with Luongo in Van. As good as Pronger is, he's a slow skater, and I think the Oilers could do much better.
 


Tanguay in Calgary.

Cool.
 


Tanguay for Leopold? Could the day get any worse for Oil fans?
 


Andy, don't ask that question...

The Wild just picked up Demitra. So yes it can get worse. Anyone in the NW division not improve today?

The Pronger sucker punch just keeps getting worse...

Rod
 


Tanguay for Leopold?

Oh, for fuck's sake. Colorado hierd Milbury?
 


Demetria to the wild for prospects? And Tanguay for Leopold? What the hell did they relocate O'Connel and Mike Milbury that quickly?
 


Wow. The Small Gray Face throws everybody a change-up and drafts Leland Irving. That was interesting enough to bring me out of the fetal position for a few minutes.
 


Tanguay for...Leopold? Holee. Shit. F**k. Huh?
 


I thought about this at work today, and two somewhat perverse insights came to me:

a) Tonight at the bar, somebody should try "I want to do to you what Laura Pronger did to the Oilers" as a pickup line

b) Can the Edmonton online community pool our resources and find a good dozen or so 18 year old puckbunnies who would vow to dedicate themselves to Pronger if he promises to ditch the wife and play out the rest of his contract? This is a real advantage of playing for a team with such strong local support....lets see Thrashers fans provide this level of service!

-

As for Pronger deals, since Chris is on a 5-year contract isn't it fair to obtain a core of players playing at least 5 man-years? (ie. a 2 year deal with Hossa isn't a fair trade, but toss in a decent guy with a 3 year deal and we may have something)

Also will Pronger be unknowingly discounting himself? After all, wouldn't any GM other than Sather/Milbury/Taylor/Tallon have to worry that maybe a year or two from now Lauren doesn't like that city either? (Calgary/Ottawa/Raleigh are probably out of the running for this precise reason)
 


I'll make the sacrifice as per FALC's request for Pronger. I'm not 18 but I'm sure I have moves he's never seen. I'll provide road service for him for the 4 games a year he'll be in Vancouver.

Is anyone noticing the correlation between this Pronger situation and Grabia posting here? Is this a jinx?

PS: Get haloscan.
 


What's Tanguay's contract status and what happened here? They must be expecting Svatos to do it every year and for Wolski to do the same.

I just don't get this one
 


Dennis, Calgary has to qualify Tanguay this year at around 3 mil, and he's unrestricted next year if they don't get something done in the interim.

Colorado has some big numbers (Sakic, Theodore, Hedjuk, maybe Blake)to account for. Even with a 44 million cap, you can only have so many of those guys on one team. They get a useful piece and a couple of million in cap space, but if the cliche about best player wins a trade holds, Calgary did themselves a big favour.
 


Apparently, Luongo wasn't looking for a trade -- he just had a few, um, requests to go with his four-year deal. Apparently, Keenan decided to cut off his nose to spite his face.
 


Is anyone noticing the correlation between this Pronger situation and Grabia posting here? Is this a jinx?

Don't encourage Cosh.
 


Trust me, if I'd thought it would make this nightmare go away, Grabia would already be on a meathook in my garage.
 


Tne Orbs have been neutered. A sad situation indeed.

Colm in Belfast
 


Pussy Whipped P.O.S.
 


http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Columnists/Brownlee/2005/09/12/1213483-sun.html

:( :(
 


I'm missing all the action without internet.

Anyway,my reasoning for the request is similar to Cosh's. In Edmonton, Pronger can have any hockey hoochie he wants. I've heard from friends that work in the bar and nightlife industry that he gets around. In most American cities, Pronger couldn't be picked out of a line-up, let alone recognized in a dark bar.

By the way Cosh, looks like I was right about Lowe's overreaction to Strachan, haha!
 


The events of the last four days haven't confirmed Strachan's story--they've comprehensively falsified it. Obviously he was onto something when he wrote that Pronger was unhappy in Edmonton, but (a) he concealed the reason for the unhappiness, assuming he had any idea of it (cold winters??), and (b) he explicitly wrote that the motivation for a trade would be to free up cap space in Edmonton. His story was, and still is, a sick joke. It's frankly embarrassing that it might have served as the impulse for Pronger's agent to press the trade demand publicly--this whole fiasco would be nearly forgiveable if it had been kept under wraps so that Lowe could get full value for the property and make some kind of fan-appeasing joint statement with Pronger. Right now, it looks like that's how they intended to handle it.
 


speaking of prongerploys...what better way for Lauren to win a bet with the rest of her Desperate Debs to see who could generate the most offseason hits???
 



Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?