Wednesday, July 30, 2008

 

Pensées à minuit

• I miss Bonkers candy.

• Is the pool boy fantasy a male or a female fantasy?

• I am horrified when I go to the ESPN main page and see Rick Reilly's face instead of the face of Bill Simmons.

• Which death will hit the Boomers hardest, the death of Dylan, or the death of the Last Beatle? I think it will be the Last Beatle. I'm so confident of this, I've already started capitalizing the "L."

• I wish we had unofficial national anthems, like the United States does, so that I could belt out "Working for the Weekend" and "Takin' Care of Business" guilt-free at formal events.

• These new smoking doors they've put up in stores, to hide packs of cigarettes from people--presumably the innocent, unwashed minds of young children constantly inundated with sex, violence, alchohol, gambling, unhealthy food and a thousand other things that make living interesting--is my new favorite example of modern puritanism and the nanny-state in action. Someone deserves a medal for this. Making something so idiotic palatable enough that it becomes law takes a special kind of genius, and I think that genius should be recognized.

• This just in: humans are mortal. As such they die.

• Nigella Lawson is my Helen of Troy. I would wage wars for her love and approval.

• Freshco Foods on 66th/75th street, just north of Argyll Road, still serves up the best damn slushes in the city of Edmonton. I'll dream about the one I had tonight. It was like slurping a cloud.

• How can the same road be both 66th street AND 75th street? That is so not world-class.

• Why is it that with every car I own, the check engine light is always on, even when mechanic after mechanic tells me there is nothing wrong with the engine?

• I'd like to be able to do the following impersonations, in the belief that doing any of them well would make me the life of the party and even more attractive to the ladies.

1) Christopher Walken
2) Allan Arkin
3) Jeff Goldblum
4) Jeff Bridges

• I've always thought that Captain Crook got the short end of the stick. Who the hell wants to steal only Filet-O-Fish? Poor guy. Why does the Hamburglar get all the good stuff to himself? What, he can't let Crook have the occasional Quarter Pounder or Big Mac? That's bullshit. Let the dude into the Hamburger Patch sometimes, man.

• Sam Cooke was an extraordinary talent. Matt Cooke is not so much.

Comments:

nigella!!! yesyes yes
 


I wish we had unofficial national anthems, like the United States does

Uh, hello? Log Driver's Waltz?
 


People in Ontario don't seem to know about the Log Driver's Waltz television short. It's a damn shame.
 


I was in Kelowna for Canada Day a few years ago and they synchronized their fireworks display to a radio broadcast of "Takin' Care of Business." If they chose national anthems based on crowd enthusiasm alone, we'd all be singing BTO tomorrow.

What a fucking awesome song.
 


that post opened up my mind...consider me converted
 


You mean crossing the Whitemud doesn't automatically teleport you 9 blocks? Now I'm confused.
 


Speaking of BTO, does anyone else remember the run of 92' when the Oiler theme song was "Let it roll"?

I can still see Mac T, Bernie Nipples and the rest of that group come storming out to "Let it Roll" blaring on the Northlands sound system.

And if I remember correctly they were in the stands playing live at one of the games. Can anyone else confirm this?
 


Dylan and Ringo get so little press that I do not think that their passing, like George's, will have much impact. Sir Paul has turned himself into a sideshow and lost his relevance.

Jagger however, is still doing exactly what he has done since 1964, except in an older, wiser, more experienced manner. Like Cheez Whiz and cockroaches, I expect Jagger to survive armageddon. I think he is actually the one that will leave boomers lying awake in a cold sweat.
 


Amen on the Nigella comment.


Mmmmm....soft, pillowy goodness.
 


How can the same road be both 66th street AND 75th street?

It's our own Nexus of the Universe. Can there be two Nexuses? or is that Nexi?
 


Uh, hello? Log Driver's Waltz?

I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day now.

I would also like to nominate "New Orleans is Sinking" for your consideration of unofficial national anthem. I believe the worst part of the Katrina disaster for Canadian rock radio stations was having to pull that song off the rotation.
 


Yeah, Nigella is hot, but who is going to save her from her own cooking? The women is going to be 300 pounds soon. Nigella, please, I love the curves, but cut back on the whip cream topping for vegetables!
 


Uh, hello? Log Driver's Waltz?

My commitment to the Waltz is already documented. Now we just need a Kate Smith type singing these songs at official events. Just imagine how fired up the crowd would get at Mike Reno and a cowbell.
 


"I would also like to nominate "New Orleans is Sinking" for your consideration of unofficial national anthem. I believe the worst part of the Katrina disaster for Canadian rock radio stations was having to pull that song off the rotation."

Love it. The Tragically Hip aren't just great musicians, they're freaking prophets. But then again, that's what you get for building an urban area in a swamp.
 


That road was perfectly fine being 75th until Millwoods showed up.



Nothing in Millwoods is right.
 


How can the same road be both 66th street AND 75th street?

The same way Calgary can have about a dozen roads that require you to actually go half a block up a cross-street in order to reconnect to them. Or have the 32nd Ave NE "connector" be its own road. Or a Centre A Street (and, if memory serves, at least one set of roads with a number, a number-A, and a number-B St, though the number escapes me offhand). Poor city planning. It's certainly an argument for Ontario-style "everything's named" roads, though granted, I can't think of any others offhand.
 


I second the cigarette display medal idea. I mean, if you tell kids they can't see or have something, don't they want it more?

That really is some of the most stupid legislation passed of late. Especially when you consider that the covenience store owners, who make dirt money, are likely the ones paying to install these barriers which are designed to kill sales of their most profitable item. If I were a convenience store owner, I'd be livid, and rightly so.
 


Barlow N and Barlow S

Crowchild N and Crowchild S (unless they've crossed the Weaselhead by now)

Centre St in Beddington once ran into the country but about 15 years ago they gerrymandered it into about a 12k detour.

Do they still have that sign that says: Crowchild N E&W? That one almost made me cry trying to figure it out.
 


"People in Ontario don't seem to know about the Log Driver's Waltz television short. It's a damn shame."

LIES! I'm from Ontario and many of us know. How can you not know when it was on TV constantly?
 


Crowchild is uninterrupted. Barlow, Sarcee Trail, and 14th St. W all have that problem though: the "north" and "south" versions are both major roadways, but don't actually connect together.
 


I also miss bonkers, that was the best sour candy ever.
 


Sure thing on Bonkers, but what I really miss is O'Ryan's Sour Cream and Onion chips.

I guess they're a cautionary lesson in failing to diversify, but I'm always a big fan of doing one thing really well.
 


- i miss WigWags.

- it's never bad to be the pool boy in either case.

- at least it's not Bill (o)Reilly.

- Paul will go out bigger than the last Pope.

- what about 'Tom Sawyer'? it'd be worth it just to see people air-drumming during the anthem.

- ohhhh Nigella indeed. cuz talking about food is fun, cuz listening to Nigella talk about food is sexy, and she's got that whole hot-mom thing going on. curvy suits her just fine, she can whip cream my veggie any time she likes.

only thing better might be a sexy FoodTV.ca 3-way, Nigella, Giada and Anna Olson. or Padma from Top Chef (who i believe dumped Salman Rushdie's ass).

- i miss big city bubble tea.

- city/town designers all seem to have been on crack, at one point or another. even here in tiny Cranbrook, there are intersections that are borderline Lovecraft-ian in weirdness.

- 2 wheels, not 4.

- jeff goldblum is highly underrated, IMHO.

- i miss Grimace. do they still have Shamrock shakes?

- amen to that. can never have too much soul. Joe Tex, Little WIllie John, REv. Al Green, to name but a few. and i stumbled across this gem on the interweb this morning:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ul7X5js1vE
 


Do they still have that sign that says: Crowchild N E&W? That one almost made me cry trying to figure it out.

I can't think of the sign, offhand, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. My NW driving largely consists of the Brentwood/University/Hospital area.

Barlow, Sarcee Trail, and 14th St. W all have that problem though: the "north" and "south" versions are both major roadways, but don't actually connect together.

And that bugs the everloving piss out of me. I've made that mistake at least once on each of those roads -- usually trying to get back to my place in the NE from a friend's place in the waythefucksouth at 1 AM, when I really don't have the patience or wakefulness for that sort of nonsense.
 


Here's my favourite nonsense from our city's planners: the intersection of Center St. and 4th St. Bunch of drunks.

(Or, as the word verification would say, "shhaby")
 


Wow. Look at all the closeted CANCON fans coming out to lavish praise on their sick love interests. Seriously, naming BTO's schlock (as toe-tapping as it may be) as an alternate national anthem is akin to praising Molson Canadian as something more than the cheap piss that it is.

These are guilty pleasures people. Treat them as such.
 


Looks like Dennis & Tyler got their wishes:

http://www.inews880.com/Channels/Reg/LocalNews/story.aspx?ID=1019245
 


I'd actually interpret that to be Centre St. and 72 Ave, with 4 St nearby, but that's just me.

And I'm baffled as to how BTO gets demoted all the way to "guilty pleasure." Or why CanCon lovers would need to be closeted. Are we catching? Do we have The Gay? I don't get it.
 


I wanna add Charles Grodin to impersonation list.
 


How can the same road be both 66th street AND 75th street? That is so not world-class.

Apparently, London, England is no longer a world-class city?
 


Come to think of it, the first example was tame. When 0.8 miles of travel on 75th street gives FOUR different road names then we may have something.
 


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