Thursday, December 06, 2007


Crosbies versus Team that Used to Lose to Dynasty Oilers in House that Wayne Built

Matt is in the basement, dreaming about Crosby's strong legs, so I'll just send this one right over to Metrognome at Five Hole Fanatics. I have to admit, I'm still so repulsed by TSN's coverage of last night's game that I kind of want the Flames to win. Otherwise, we'll all have to suffer through, "just like Wayne Gretzky did in days of yore, Sidney Crosby came into the Saddledome Thursday night and handed it to the Flames" introductory statements in every newspaper and on every sports show for the next two days. That, or, "it used to be that in the 80's no team could come through the province of Alberta and expect to get two wins. Not with Glen Sather's Boys on the Bus and Badger Bob Johnson's Flames awaiting them. But on Thursday night, Crosby, Crosby, Crosby..."

Okay, I still can't do it. I can't pick the Flames. Instead I'll just drink my face off, try and think up funny headlines that will be in tomorrow's papers based on both a Pens loss and a Pens win, and then pass out in a pool of my own vomit before I hear the final score. That should work.



You know I am thinking I am going to corner the market on Absinthe before next round Pierre hits the west. The upside it is on Sportsnet. We will have to listen to John Garrett regale us back in the day stories.

How do we square Crosby's point totals v Gretzky's in light of the fact that Goaltenders Today Are So Much Better.

i'm actually cheering for 9th grade to do one of his patented leaping elbows (known down south and by the majority of the 9th grade loving media as clean hits) to crosby's melon. if that's out of the question...maybe a brazilian wax.

I'm betting the Phaneuf/Crosby matchup will be talked about 1000 times tonight. Maybe Le GG or Sykora will score all the goals. I could handle that.


if laraque still loves edmonton, he will not only score a goal but he will also beat ms. phaneuf within an inch of his life (after the flying elbow to crosby's melon at the blueline of course). now that my friend would be a festivus miracle.

ps i predict stortini's 1st goal of the season tonight. i figure if you can disallow a goal like the one the other night there is no way scoring a goal for a team you don't even play for while you're lying in bed can't be impossible.

So I just turned on TSN. Sure shit, first thing I see...Crosby. Apparently he beat the Oilers "single-handedly." That first goal? Crosby willed it from the bench.

Proposed Nickname for McGuire: Fluffer.

Im guessing it's someone like Taylor Kennedy that will taste a Phaneuf "leaping elbow" tonight. Regehr will be the one facing Crosby for a majority of the game. Hopefully Reggie gives him the Hemsky special.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Bing Crosby plays hockey. I knew about him singing, dancing, and acting...but hockey? My God, wait until Mom hears this!

Proposed Nickname for McGuire: Fluffer.

Millions already has that title. If this game was called by Millions and McDouche (I'm pushing this one hard), I think the only words you would here other than Crosby and Iginla might be...actually I think that would sum it up.

Fluffer is good. Like a true pro fluffer he tickled the orbs of Pitkannen and Gilbert for a bit before moving on to service the Rod of Crosby.

Side note:

Crosby resembles Andy Samberg.

Proposed Crosby Nickname: Hot Rod

Hmmm... Puck in a Box?

The guide description for tonight's game on Shaw is hilarious too. "The Flames hard hitting defenseman Dion Phaneuf faces off against Pittsburgh's trio of Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Jordan Staal."

Apparently Jarome Iginla is no longer Calgary's best player.

Someone in the Dented-dome must be working some serious voodoo. That's two straight games the opposition's intended starting goalie doesn't even last 3 minutes. Perhaps the voodoo's getting a bit weaker though. Fleury did see a couple shots, while Legace was felled in the pre-game warm-up. Combined total for the two games: 2 minutes, 39 seconds. Ouch.

Make that four minutes, 39 seconds. I'll learn to read the NHL stats one of these days.

Fleury left on crutches. Traa-aade.

Someone in the Dented-dome must be working some serious voodoo. That's two straight games the opposition's intended starting goalie doesn't even last 3 minutes.

Thing is the Flames historically stink against back-ups for some reason.

LE GG!!! Poor Godard. He should stick to New Wave cinema.

Thing is the Flames historically stink against back-ups for some reason.

Starters, too. ;)

Godard getting beat up clearly pumped up the Flames. It's science.

Hmm...Ferraro on a Flames broadcast? I like it, even if it's just for intermission filler.

I wish he'd usurp Simmer as the color man.

Le GG! So that's what landing a punch looks like (not that Millions noticed). L Column doesn't even throw any punches, never mind landing any.

Well, I'm on Crosby over-load. Maybe I'll check in later.

Starters, too. ;)

Jesus. I walked right into that one.

Simmer spins that Hale gaffe as proof of his improvement!


Did you see that goal by Crosby? Just a beautiful shot over the shoulder. Crosby had no chance on that one.

Penguins are dropping like flies in this game.

Except Crosby, of course. He's Crosbyrific.

Can someone please come up with a nickname for David Hale? He's just so goddamned awful.

The first thing that came to my mind after that fumble at the blueline, killing some nice offensive zone pressure, was 'rally killer'. Oooooh, how I hate you, RK!

Can someone please come up with a nickname for David Hale? He's just so goddamned awful.

I think I've been referring to him as David "fringe player" Hale recently, but Rally Killer works too.

Conroy's been bugging the hell out of me tonight too.

Could Erikksssson keep the puck in at the blue line on the power play just once? JUST ONCE???

Go Flames

The difference in tonight's broadcast from TSN? Pierre McFluffer would be giving Crosby all the credit for generating Malone's SHG (nice goal BTW). 87 was on the ice after all. And his massive leg strength allowed him to keep skating as he crossed the Pens blue line, then the red line, and the Flames blue line. McFluffer would have deemmed it a monster play.

Course we are stuck with Fluffer Millions. After period 2 he declared that "Iginla has outshined Crosby so far tonight, and as a result, the Flames lead 2-1". Yeah, that's the only reason the Flames are ahead. Those two are the only ones on the ice.

NOOOO, not a shootout, we're screwed.

SH handed goal against to tie the game? Check.
Missed empty net to win the game? Check.


Fuck me sideways. Has my team even ONCE practiced the shootout in the last three seasons?

This shit should even up eventually, but if we have won one in five shootouts, I would be surprised.

So, right after Huselius scored in the shootout, Fluffer Millions declares "Iginla *is* the only Flame to score in the shootout this season". Way to keep up Fluffer. Sure is tough keeping track of players other than Jarmoe.

This club has losing games they should win down to a science. It's amazing.

This shootout brought to you by good old flatfoot Eriksson. That's (at least) two shorthanded goals given up this year because he refuses to back off the blueline on a PP. Of course, I'm pretty sure Kipper has a 0% save percentage on breakaways against this year, so that doesn't help. Fuckin fuck. Another winnable game down the drain.

Sorry, fellas. Letang is the next Coffey.


That's (at least) two shorthanded goals given up this year because he refuses to back off the blueline on a PP.

it'd be excusable if he could handle the puck or wasn't slower than a three-finned turtle. But, sadly, neither is true.

$1.5M well spent.

Erikksssson blows. And not in the good way.

My team has left way, way too many points on the table one third of the way through the season. Miikkaa seems to have his shit together lately, maybe we can start stealing a few.

Aw, who am I fooling. When you are even with the Oilers in the standings, you have to accept that you suck.

Go Flames.

No doubt the Flames are missing expectations. Woo hoo! It could be worse though. A lot worse. Buffalo, venturing out to the Pacific time zone for the first (and only) time all year, lost 4-1 in Anaheim last night. 11:06 into the 2nd period tonight, they were down 7-0. They've since narrowed the gap to 7-1 after two. As if the score alone wasn't bad enough, the Kings starter tonight? Non other than Jon Quick, making his NHL debut. Ouch. This result doesn't exactly scream East finalist.

From the "Idiots in the media" department:

After describing Kipprusoff's poor play (accurately enough) he comes up with this:

"But it isn’t completely better yet, even though Kiprusoff stopped 21 shots in a 3-1 defeat of St. Louis Tuesday."

Really? Our goatending problems aren't fixed after one game? Wow, that's a brilliant insight. Come on, is he actually suggesting that a player could have turned around his game completely in only 60 minutes?

And if he is, what was wrong with Kipper's performance? The one goal came :36 into the game. For the other 19:24, he was perfect (even if he didn't face much in the 2nd). Most importantly, when St. Louis put on pressure in the 3rd, including two power plays, Kipprusoff kept everything out. His problem is that he hasn't been a deciding factor (in a good way) in any game so far. But he did that against St. Louis.

I have a difficult time understanding why people actually get paid for this.

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