Friday, March 16, 2007


Try To Understand, Try To Understand, Try, Try, Try To Understand, We Don't Want No Mini-Magic Man

There seems to be some sort of enthusiasm going around this city for Robert Nilsson, in particular his nickname "Mini-Magic." This is unfortunate. Not the enthusiasm for the player, mind you--the jury is still out on that one--but the enthusiasm for the nickname. Besides being just a terrible nickname, it's completely misleading. Young Robert's nickname is an homage to his father's nickname. Kent Nilsson, former Flame and Oiler (and current scout for the Oilers), was nicknamed "The Magic Man." It really does sound super. Ooh, he is a magician with the puck. Wow, how did he do that? Ouch, is that a rabbit hanging from his ass? You know, stuff like that. John MacKinnon even mentioned it in an article today, weaving in allusions to magic and bedazzlement. The problem is, Kent Nilsson wasn't called "The Magic Man" just because of his propensity for making dazzling plays. He was also called it for an entirely other, and not-so-flattering reason. People called Kent the "Magic Man" because he disappeared in the corners. That is to say, Nilsson was soft. Hockey lore has it that in 1987 his lackadaisical attitude so infuriated linemate Mark Messier that the Moose pinned him up against a wall in an Edmonton bar and told him he'd send him "back to Sweden in a box" if he didn't start playing harder. Unfortunately, Mess didn't do the same to Joffrey Zoolander when he skated with the team two weeks ago, but that's another story. The point is, the nickname stinks. I don't want a mini-Kent Nilsson on the Oilers. Nor should any Oiler fan, however many there are left. So, like Par suggested yesterday, let's get started on a new name. I'll start the bidding with a one word doozy: Ballsoff.


You remember Marlon Brando as the Godfather, Don Corleone.

Now its time for Rowe-Bear Nillson as,

The Godson.

Ballsoff is great, but needs something extra. Boris Ballsoff? Ballsoffice?

Or, to go in another direction, how about we combine the kid's nickname with the odds of him being worth the hype: Nil.

Ooh, I like Nil.

Nil Ballsoff, maybe?

The Eunuch?

OOh, I like that, too. Good starts. Now we just have to see what sticks.

I think Rowe-Bear is quality and I thought it was his real name after Lowe kept calling him that.

Well, until he proves himself and we actually see some disembodied balls, how about Raw Bear? I know it's not how Lowe pronounces it. But then again, when he was on the Oilers, Kevvy didn't play his balls off, he played his brains out.

nick-names that aren't somehow related to the person's name are mis-interpreted by the general public. Ethan Moreau's nick-name is a good example of that, ironically also a description of his play in the corner.

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