Monday, January 15, 2007


Carnival of Oilogosphere Anguish

I'm on record, many times over, as being a big fan of the Oilogosphere, but I really do like it that much more when the Oilers stink, and not just because it's starting to look like the Hockey News might have been right. It's funnier! I'm not a guy who tends to take pleasure in the misery of others, but seriously, when CinO posts a photoessay demonstrating quite literally that they don't know whether to cry in their beer or blow their brains out, it's hysterical. (And let's not forget last winter's ruminations on thumbing through Final Exit, or wondering what gun metal tastes like.)

Dellow has a pretty entertaining bit in his new spot at's Molson Canadian Six Pack, including this laugh-out-loud line:
As the NHLPA has continually refused to allow defencemen who make bad plays to be put to death (the Bergeron clause), [...]

Note to Tyler: I hope you're able to compete, rhetorically, with your five counterparts there. If they can keep coming up with blasts like "Martin Garbage" and "Andrew Ray-crap", you've really got your work cut out for you. Also, is it true that you get paid in Molson Canadian? Because that would be awesome.

Pat -- in between benders, and yes I'm jealous -- likens the Oilers to Peter Lorre (while the Flames get to sleep with 19-year-old Lauren Bacall!). So the alternate NW standings are something like this:
  1. Flames - 52pts
  2. Canucks - 51pts
  3. Munsters - 51pts
  4. Dys - 47pts
  5. Peter Lorres - 46pts
Speaking of Dennis' excellent Munsters analogy (Gaborik is Marilyn, the only thing that makes something ugly worth watching), I really enjoyed his whole Pronger-as-ex-GF thing. Reminded me of a Kids in the Hall sketch, too. Recipe for Chris Pronger Eggs:
The piece de resistance, though, is surely Pleasure Motors' roster haiku. My favourite was the Staios:
Rocking the perv stache
And a four-year extension.
I like one of them.

Since he just did the players, I thought I'd chip in with a few more for the rest of the organization.

Modern-day Sinden:
"Rink will fill up anyway!"
Big Christmas bonus.

Doe-eyed baby girl,
confused by her surroundings.
Nickname: Craig Simpson.

Huddy job offer:
coach the expansion Oil Kings?
A blueline upgrade!

Where's juicy Coach-quotes?
"I can't make chicken salad
with chicken shit", please?

Carry on.


Part of me hopes this is like last season all over again:

Flamer trash talk all the way through, only to have sweet karma sweep on the scene in late April and turn the tables.

That being said, the Oilers lack some serious "Orbitude" this year, so I have my doubts, unless Lowe decides to pull one out of his ass, acquire Jokinen for Lupul and change PLUS Visnovsky for Schremp and Bergeron.

Bottom line, there's a LOT of season left still. Hope will remain.

Did I say Jokinen? I meant Pitkanen.

I lack Finnish these days, kind of like my team does some nights.

I was going to say, Jokinen? I don't think Dallas would make that deal straight up...

Loved the Haikus, but it got me thinking and then googling. The average coaching staff for an NFL team seems to be about 16-20 people! Are NFL teams grossly overcoached or is their room in the NHL for more coaches? Could you see a place for a face-off coach? a shooting/passing coach? splitting up fitness/strength coaches? Having an offensive co-ordinator and left wing, right wing, and centericeman coaches?

"Having an offensive co-ordinator and left wing, right wing, and centericeman coaches?"

Maybe having a coach to lead group therapy and another to dispense the Paxil would be just as useful. Or maybe it's the fans who need that more.

It's too much coaching that has turned hockey into the boring mess that it is. We don't need more.

You have to figure most teams will eventually have a separate skating instructor, but I suspect a lot of the duties described by Joe are already handled on a freelance as-needed basis--hell, what else was Adam Oates in his last year but a "faceoff coach"?

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