Ahh, what a terrible experience that was... and I'm not even talking about the 0/8 PP.

I bought the Flames PPV from StarChoice, my regular tee-vee provider. Early on, apart from the usual complaints about PPV broadcasts (i.e. how is it possible to make the stuff that they run in lieu of ads more boring and less informative than ads), there was also technical problems. Basically, the feed kept cutting out: I didn't have a stopwatch on it, but if you're trying to understand the annoying factor, I'd say it was for a couple seconds at a time every minute for ten or so minutes. It wasn't the StarChoice feed; it was the feed out of the game in Vancouver. Because it was early on, obviously there was an "am I going to get what I paid for" suspense to the thing.

To me, who is not at all confrontational nor a real big whiner, it was something that at that point was an annoyance: if it kept cutting out for the entire game, then yeah, I'd complain, but otherwise it would already be forgotten.

And indeed, most of the 2nd period went smoothly, to the point where I had entirely forgotten about the early prospect that the whole broadcast might just go to the dogs. Then partway through the 3rd, the picture went to black, and stayed that way. A couple of minutes into the black, Canucks made it 3-1, audio provided by Millions & Simmer for $11.95 + $1 handling.

So yeah, then I get on the phone to StarChoice to register a complaint. I'm cuddling the little one listening to the Hold Music, and eventually the picture comes back. (I'd guess 5 minutes of picture-less game, but it might be a bit more or less). Then after 13-ish minutes on the We Value Your Call music, I got the StarChoice lady. Fair warning -- like most Transcripts From Memory, this undoubtedly makes me more eloquent that I actually was, but I assure y'all that I was not rude in the slightest (cripes, when it was over I was actually glad that they had (or "may have!") recorded me for Quality Assurance Purposes):

Me: Hi, I was hoping to beat the rush on requesting a refund on my Flames PPV, but it looks like I was a bit slow actually, ha ha ha
Her: Can I get your acct # etc. etc.., Me yes of course, blah blah
Her: So your PPV kept cutting out?
Me: Yes.
Her: I can offer you two free movies.
Me: Whoa, I'm not really interested in that. I'll take a refund or a credit on the next Flames PPV.
Her: We can't offer you that. We're not responsible for the weather.
Me: I believe you, and it obviously wasn't StarChoice's fault, but I would like a refund or a credit for the next Flames PPV.
Her: All I can offer you is a credit for two PPV movies.
Me: Well, that's not really satisfactory to me. [Ed. note: I was holding my daughter at this point and was also drinking - I had zero desire to actually debate someone] I don't accept the offer; can I just register a complaint on my file, or whatever, and deal with this tomorrow?
Her: No.
Me: You can't just put a note there saying "Customer called to complain about PPV Dec. 14th"?
Her: No. It has to be dealt with by the agent at the time or else... [not sure what she said here]
Me: Well, I'm not happy about this. I don't want free movies, OK? Thanks anyway.
Her: Thank you for calling StarChoice customer service.

And at that moment, with about 60 seconds left and the Flames in the Vancouver zone trailing 3-1, Channel 238 cuts back to the Haven't-Paid-For-It screen. Were it not for the Tiny Person on my shoulder at the time, my StarChoice receiver might be in the back alley right now.

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I clued a few minutes after this that StarChoice had probably been fielding Outraged Demands for a Refund since the first time the screen went a little fuzzy at 8:01PM, and that the woman I talked to had no idea about the Blackout in the broadcast that had prompted my own call in the first place. But still, I'm not happy to talk to Customer Service and get the impression that Company Policy is "assume Matt Fenwick is trying to rip us off".

I pay StarChoice about $100 a month for what we get. They are "resellers" of the PPV games, not the producers -- every other channel worked fine tonight -- and yet I couldn't even get my fucking objection logged when I called their toll-free number. I guess I already have a place to log objections though, don't I. OK, here we go then:

I thought that the problems with the feed out of Vancouver were serious enough that What Was Delivered was not What Was Promised. I'm quite clear that there may be interruptions between StarChoice's satellite and my dish, but that's not what this was. StarChoice was reselling a sub-standard product, and they don't seem to care. And not only that, but they accepted a return on their product (cutting off my PPV) while still denying me a refund. That is exceedingly annoying.

Amazingly, all this is with two more PPVs in the next seven days. By not refunding my money, the Flames and StarChoice get to keep today's money while forfeiting the PPV price for Tuesday and Thursday. Scaled up, I assume that would be a loser for them, so I assume that it doesn't scale up. The Calgary Flames and StarChoice are both much more successful businesses than Matt Fenwick Engineering (let alone The Battle of Alberta), so I would be batshit to sit here and pass judgement on their business practices. I can only assume that The Market is telling them that -- between actual cashflow and perverse incentives -- it would be worse for them to offer refunds for tonight's piece of HeyHey! than to accept responsibility.

Fine. This is my contribution. I'm not proposing a big grassroots movement; I'm not against PPV games in principle at all; I'm not trying to raise money for anything; and I'm not trying to garner attention. I'm just a Flames fan (and a goddamned capitalist one at that!) reminding the organization and my soon-to-be-former TV provider that they can "eat it".