The Oilers rookies beat the Golden Bears 6-3 at Clare Drake arena this evening, which means I owe Pleasure Motors a haiku. But before I get to that, I'd like to provide some background information on these games, most of which I learned from a poorly written write-up by Bob Stauffer.

• Prior to tonight, the University of Alberta Golden Bears, the two-time defending CIS National Champions, had won the five previous games against the Oilers rookies.

• Over those five games, the Bears had outscored the Oilers rookies 26-8.

• Prior to tonight, the Bears lead the all-time series 10-8.

• This year, the Bears had to replace 10 of the 18 skaters that they dressed in the CIS Finals last year.

Had I known this last bit, I probably wouldn't have made the bet with Pleasure Motors. The reason the Bears have dominated this series recently is that they play together all the time. Well, and they have had some awesome fucking teams over the past six or seven years. The Oilers rookies, however, are thrown together two days before the game and expected to perform. The Bears players didn't even have their names on their jerseys yet, and they looked like a rookie roster themselves. Hindsight is 20-20 I guess, although in fairness to the Bears the loss really wasn't their fault. Which leads me to the game summary, brought to you by my girlfriend and Avi, who both attended the game with me, and helped me hash out these thoughts.


• Clare Drake arena was absolutely packed. I've never seen it that full. We actually had to stand for the entire game, at ice level, behind the home team net. Bob Stauffer, who has obviously never heard of a comma, is reporting that the total attendance for the game was 3009. I believe it, and am convinced they oversold the game. It's amazing what a Stanley Cup run and a couple of hot rookies will do for crowds, but I hope in the future they either sell fewer tickets, or play it at Rexall.

• The enthusiasm didn't end with the attendance, either. The crowd was decidedly pro-Oilers, despite the fact that both teams play in Edmonton. Again, I've never seen it that partisan, and I'm sure it has to do with the Stanley Cup run and two rookies named Schremp and Mikhnov.

• This was the most poorly officiated game I have ever, and I mean ever, seen. Take your least favorite referee, and multiply his shittiness by ten thousand. That was how atrocious referee John Potter was this evening. If this had been a meaningful game, there would have surely been a Jim Schoenfeld/Don Koharski moment afterwards. The crowd booed him for most of the 3rd period--regardless of which team was penalized and the fact that it was an exhibition game--and we actually caught a linesman mouthing the words "I'm sorry" to Bears goalie Blake Grenier in the 3rd, after one of Potter's chincy calls lead to an Oilers goal.

In case you don't believe me, check out the box score from the game: Twenty-nine total penalties called. Twelve against the Oilers, seventeen against the Bears. Nine consecutive penalties for the Bears between the end of the 2nd period and the middle of the 3rd. At 6:07 of the 3rd, three consecutive penalties are called against one team (the Bears), at the EXACT same time (another first for me). Around this time, the Bears have FIVE men in the penalty box. They actually can't see the ice, because the condensation from five panting hockey players has fogged up the glass. And the girl opening the penalty box door has to stand on a bench behind all the players, who are openly laughing at how ridiculous the game has become.

Needless to say, Mr. Potter ruined the game. The calls were 90% bullshit, and they killed any hope of watching, or playing in, a fast, exciting FUCKING EXHIBITION GAME, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. I hope he's forced to eat donuts in hell, for all eternity.

• The Bears were 3-11 on the powerplay, while the Oilers were 2-16. I'm positively shocked to see that both Oilers powerplay goals were scored on the 5-on-3, because their 5-on-3 play looked abysmal. I was even ready to drop a joke about how well Craig Simpson had taught them to shit the bed on a two-man advantage in such a limited time. I can't use the joke now, but I'm not fooled. The Oilers powerplay sucks ass, even at the rookie level.

• Theo Peckham continued to impress me tonight, because I never once noticed him. Looking at the box score, I see that he was +4 for the game. My dad, himself a defenceman, used to tell me that the best defenders were the guys whose name you never heard during a game. The silence meant that they were doing their jobs. Theo, keep it up with the disappearing.

• Strangely, at least to me, Devan Dubnyk played the whole game for the Oilers.

• During the 2nd intermission, there was a shootout contest between Robbie Schremp, Bob Stauffer, and Bears forward Dylan Stanley. Stauffer missed both shots, to the delight of his media colleagues standing nearby. Schremp missed on his first attempt, which involved picking the puck up on his stick, wildly cradling it around like he was a lacrosse player, and throwing it at the net. His second attempt was successful; he pulled the goalie across to one side of the net, then tucked it back and between his legs, and took the shot--with his stick between his legs--for the score. Stanley scored on both his attempts. The first one was a nifty little deke and shelf shot that knocked the goalie's water bottle in the air. The second one was perhaps the most dazzling move I've ever seen. I'm not even sure if I can describe it properly, it was so disgustingly beautiful. He came in wide, pulled the goalie to one side of the net, let the puck slide back, reached back, picked it up on his stick, cradled it, brought his stick and blade back around the front of his body, curled it around himself back to where he originally picked it up, and threw it into the net. I think that was what happened, anyway. I was maybe eight feet away, but it was like being blinded by the sun. The crowd went ape-shit, and Schremp was killing himself laughing. I really wish someone had that one on videotape.

Stanley is one of the few returning members of the Bears championship squad. He is an Edmonton boy, and scored 90 points for the Tri-City Americans in 2002. He is only 22, and appears to be undrafted. Stanley will be on this year's edition of "Making the Cut," along with two other Bears players. If I was Kevin Lowe, I'd invite him to camp for that move he made alone. I will be interested to see how this year goes for him.

• Joffrey Lupul, who today signed a 3-year, $6.935 million dollar deal with the Oilers, stood behind us for most of the game. He had a hat on, and tried to hide during the 1st period. By the end of the 1st intermission, though, the secret was out, and lots of people came and asked for autographs. He politely signed them all, even when a bunch of his buddies showed up and he was probably more inclined to just hang out and goof around with them. I was happy he was there, if for no other reason than that he was drawing hot puck bunnies in like a moth to a flame.

• While fans were asking Lupul for his autograph, a real, flesh-and-blood icon quietly walked right by. Clare Drake, the most successful coach in the history of Canadian varsity hockey, was in the building tonight. He walked right past the crowd, and no one other than us even looked twice. He appeared old and fragile, and it broke my heart. If ever a man deserved to be in the Hockey Hall of Fame, it is Clare Drake. His success speaks for itself.

• Robbie Schremp, Alexei Mikhnov and Patrick Thoreson again made up a line tonight. Schremp was at centre, Mikhnov was on the left wing, and Thoreson was on the right. The few Oilers fans that still have their Chris Pronger jerseys should avoid burning them. Schremp is now wearing #44.

• The title of this post, as well as the image above, was inspired by Alexei Mikhnov. In my post on the Oilers rookie camp, I noted that Mikhnov looked like he was dogging it. Well, he was up to his old tricks tonight, looking completely disinterested for large chunks of the game. I have no idea if his face and body movements betray how hard he is working, if he is still lost or lonely in North America, if he is bored of playing with kids five or six years his junior, or if he is the new poster boy for "stereotypical European hockey player," but I wasn't very impressed with him tonight. Essentially, he is the living embodiment of a matryoshka doll: an enigma within a mystery within a riddle within a question mark within a conundrum. He makes my head hurt.

I must give credit for the Lazy Eight image to Avi, by the way. It was his idea; I just added a few touches of my own to give it some pizzazz.


Avi took two rolls of pictures tonight. Once they are developed, and if they are any good, I'll post them on the site. Until then, or until I post on something else, the haiku I owe Pleasure Motors:

Covered in pleasure
The rookies oil Dave's berries
And make him c(h)ock(e)y.

He drafted two Flames
Amonte and slug Langkow
So he should not brag.