Monday, May 15, 2006

 

Oh, one of THOSE fans...

(UPDATED)

Breathlessly monitored subplot of the week: Kristine, girlfriend of Chris!, is visiting him in Toronto, and may or may not be encouraging him to shave off his playoff beard. Not surprisingly, the reaction from Chris' fellow Oiler fans is ranging roughly from "Dump her" to "Keep it, even if she dumps you" The delightful cherry on top of this non-controversy, though, comes from the lovely Kristine's Guest Appearance at CinO in February:
...what really got me into hockey was not, in fact, being disappointed time after time watching the Oilers get their asses kicked by Minnesota, believe it or not, but the—wait for it—Calgary Flames in the playoffs two years ago. Yes, I’m one of those fans.

Developing!

UPDATE: Now that my role has essentially been reduced to shit-disturber around here, I might as well say that I'll also be squinting to see if Chris! does in fact shave his beard, but pretends otherwise to avoid the wrath of the Oilogosphere. Stage 4 Beard Growth is tough to monitor: will Chris! spend this evening changing shirts, mussing up his hair, and taking multiple photographs of himself for future Beardwatch entries?

The only way to avoid such slanders will be to give Robocop some company in the background: the Today's Newspaper proof, perhaps?


Comments:

she'd better be a super hot nymphomaniac.

that's all I'm saying.
 


Took the words out of my mouth dennis. There has to be another side to this chick that we don't know about.
 


Wow! I really didn't anticipate this level of interest.
 


And in Kristine's defence, she has since developed in a serious, full-time Oilers fan. Just one that doesn't like beards.
 


Well, why grow the damn thing at all if it could be abandoned so easily?
 


Why grow it? How about "Why grow it, document it lovingly, turn it into an international celebrity that gets its own fan mail, boast that it's responsible for the team's success, and then threaten to shave it?"
 


No shit, Cosh. In fact, this whole thing is starting to piss me off. I feel like I'm being blackmailed or something.
 


By the way, is there anything more pathetic than Fenwick trying to pull some slime-encrusted piece of flotsam out of the wreckage of a Flames season?

"Ha ha! Some Edmonton dude's girlfriend kinda might have cheered for the Flames last year! Me = teh win!!1!"
 


You can't shave if you're dead.
 


Oh Jesus I don't believe I'm reading this. The guy is hitting a big fly nightly and his "friends" are right there to bugger him up royally.

Unless she's asking you to the Kingdom Hall or to give up demon drink get in the bathroom and do your freaking duty.

Man up, Potsy.
 


Another straw man successfully demolished by Colby Cosh! Well done, sir.

I'm glad the Flames spurred hockey enthusiasm in Kristine. It gives her a season's head start on a lot of Oiler fans. The next step, surely, is learning to love the playoff beard!
 


I can verify the veracity of Chris' beard.

Although, clearly, a copy of a recent newspaper would be a good idea in your next photo, Chris.
 


Oh, christ, does that mean I'm going to have to start buying newspapers? I get the news for free at work, bitches!
 


And remember, the important thing is, Have Fun!
 


haha. Still laughing at Mirtle's comment.

As a female, and a hockey fan, I haven't had a haircut since the playoffs began and I'm starting to look homeless but it's for the greater good! The Oilers are one win away. Why ruin the structure of what's working?

Women! Blah! If she loved you she'd put up with it. If she insists you trim it, ditch her. There are hundreds that would take her place. Hell, I'll even fund a website much like the 25yearoldvirgin one and get you another girl. Seriously, anyone that doesn't accept you for your quirks and all shouldn't be dating you.

And there's my relationship advice.
 


Thanks for the advice, grace — it occurs to me that there may be some misunderstanding among these and other commenters that my girlfriend is demanding I shave my beard or some such thing. I can assure you this is not the case. Rather, I know she prefers a clean-shaven face, and was considering losing the beard as a courtesy since we won't see each other again for another few months. Now that I've seen the reaction to this proposal, I'm rethinking my obligation to my other girlfriends, the Oilers and their internet fans. Stay tuned.
 


Stay tuned.

Stay tuned? Sac is right. This is blackmail.
 


He's obviously not a true Oilers fan.
 


Grace, Andy: your reactions make this bizarre debate all worth it.
 


Now is it Fun? How about Now? Now?

It's like a bad Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house, where the whole family is insulting and sniping at each other. You don't really care since it's not your family, but it's still uncomfortable and distasteful.
 


Kind of like watching Malcolm in the Middle.
 


Or the Flames losing in Seven to the Mighty Ducks.

Wait, that wasn't uncomfortable and distasteful but joyous and celebratory.

I'm suffering hockey withdrawals.
 


CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT THIS BEARD IS TEARING US APART???

Also, if this is blackmail, I should probably be making some demands...

GRABIA! Give me all your pants!
 


Dude, you are exactly like Michael Jackson dangling his kids over the balcony by the heels and then wondering what all the fuss is about.
 


It's called showmanship, Mr. Cosh.
 


I always knew you wanted my pants, you bastard!
 

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