Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Matty the Monkey

Playoff Predictions!


Tampa Bay over Ottawa. The Sens have a lot stronger D than the Lightning, and I'm probably making this pick out of sheer stubbornness, since I picked the Lightning to win the Cup in October. But I think Vinny will outplay Heatley, Richards will outplay Alfie, and St. Louis will outplay Havlat. I'd probably never pick John Grahame to outplay Hasek, but it's certainly plausible that he'll outplay Ray Emery.

Carolina over Montreal. I think the goaltending matchup between Marturs Gerbe and Crystal Ball is roughly even. Whatever the Hurricanes did all season to hit 112 points, I assume it is good enough to get by the Habs, who I don't believe in at all.

Rangers over Devils. Yeah, they're the Devils, but guess what? The Rangers are good defensively too - they scored more goals and allowed fewer than New Jersey this season. Why? Good question. I don't think I like the Rangers to go deep, but I definitely like them to win this series.

Buffalo over Philadelphia. It's hard not to like Forsberg in the playoffs, but there can't be much magic left there, and the Sabres are good.


Detroit over Edmonton. There's just too many stars that would have to align for the Oil to beat Detroit 4 times in 7 games. I do hope, however, that Edmonton wins Game 1, if Winters secures his ticket and we get to see this:
Maybe, if I'm lucky, the CBC'll cut to me, the lone Oilers fan, disgustingly thrusting my pelvis at the back of some Wings fan's head when we score in Overtime.

Dallas over Colorado. I just don't think the Avalanche are good enough anymore. 'course, I also thought that in 2004, and the Avs waxed them.

Nashville over San Jose. Picking Joe Thornton to lead his team to playoff victory is just too much like picking Peyton Manning to win the Super Bowl. I will stake no amount of money or reputation on it until I see it happen. Plus, since when is the prospect of shutting down a dynamic scoring duo in a playoff series unlikely? Since never, that's when, and besides, the Predators don't have to shut Joe & Cheechoo down every game, just 4 times.

Calgary over Anaheim. Uh, yeah. That's a separate post.

I put my chances of beating Maggie the Monkey's predictions at about 70/30. Whatever. Wait, check that. I second the sentiment of Pleasure Motors:
Not whatever. F**KING PLAYOFFS!!!!


Maybe, if I'm lucky, the CBC'll cut to me, the lone Oilers fan, disgustingly thrusting my pelvis at the back of some Wings fan's head when we score in Overtime.

I thought that was priceless as well.

I'm doubting that tampa can beat ottawa, as much as I want to believe it will happen. I just think that Ottawa, with its long history of playoff chokery, will overcome tampa with sheer will in seven games. Then they will go down in a sweep in the second round.

The whole DET-EDM game should be broadcast in splitscreen with the hockey on one side and Winters on the other.

"I didn't like them but you would have thought they were funny. They always seemed to have people fucking."

I don't know what you're sister's crass deal is, but I prefer to call it "making love."

Some sad news: the NHL wizards changed the playoff dates late last night and my tickets for Game 1 fell through. No pelvic thrusting, no knife in my back as I get into the driver's side of my rental car, no nothing.

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